Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Because, back then, having kids was what you did. Now it isn't. People have realised there's a big wide world out there - and they want to see it!

One of my colleagues had a baby at 20 whilst at university, juggled like mad and has a fabulous career at 30. It sounds as your best friend was equally determined. However, the FEAR of a life on benefits, living with a baby in their childhood bedroom & not fulfilling their potential is probably an excellent deterent for many under 25s.

Nobody is criticising young parents & the choices they've made. It's simply a very good reason why so few 20 somethings in my DD's peer group have no intention of becoming parents so young.

An average is taken by taking all the ages of first time mums, there will be outliers like yourself having babies very young and some having babies very old. The average being 26. Doesn't mean lots of 25 yr old would have babies

Yes well my parents are middle class so that probably makes a difference. But it’s the op just assumes everyone has the same experience as her mum and her friends . Lots of people waited back then as well. And to say it’s about phones .. I mean your parents could afford a house back then that’s not really possible for working class people that age anymore which is clearly a much bigger factor than phones

Did they? You're talking about Geb X. Not baby boomers? So kids in the late 90s early 2000s? The average age for a woman having her first child in 2000 was 27. It's now 31. That's not a massive shift in 26 years.

This is ridiculous, o fewer 15 yr olds are having sex then great frankly.

It's more likely they're better educated about with greater access to contraception

There isn't a 'lack of socialising', though. On the contrary, people are enjoying their freedom and socialising MORE and believe there is plenty of time for men and babies!

OP i married at 22 fresh out of university but had my first and only child 10 years later! We werent taking precautions for 10 years so a big part of it was fertility but we also only bought our flat when i was 26 so its just as well. No more babies as husband had a vasectomy

The back then OP is talking about is 2000/2001.

I'm 43 and 'back yhrn' very much it was not the done thing. Maybe in my mums generation but she was born in 1956

The phones or rather the apps mean people are staying single longer which affect the birth rates. As the dating apps encourage people to think there is someone better out there

I had a baby 9 years ago. I was 31 and I was the youngest mum in my baby group. Obviously it varies by location etc. In my experience it is nothing to do with phones. It’s more that people had been having fun in their twenties THEN getting married, buying a place, building up financial security. Thats what I was up to anyway. I met my partner aged 22 and we had lots of travel, music concerts, then bought a flat and had lots of parties etc. Then we moved to a house and it felt right to have our baby when we did.

Wow, that's amazing

I'd say it's because women now want to establish their careers, get married, travel and buy a house first. Not many have done that by age 25.
DIL and DS have a fifteen month old daughter. They're now early thirties, but have been together since they were sixteen years old. I will admit I'd have been upset for them if they'd had a DC before they were firmly established adults.

People have shown you data that proves it hasn’t been common to have children before 25 at any time since 1930 (apart from a blip in the 70s). Why don’t you believe the data?

There’s literally a million reasons why having a baby at 25 today is a very bad idea for most people.
money. Work. Savings. Home. Car. Career. Marriage. Less chance of single parenthood. More life experience.

You aren’t observing a trend. It’s not a trend. Your experience is an outlier so you think something has changed, but it hasn’t.

I had my oldest at 24 and that’s only because I accidentally got pregnant with her she’s 9 now. I always wanted kids but thought I’d have them in my 30s (so glad I had her when I did though looking back!) all my friends are having their firsts now and they are 35+ and finding it a struggle with the life change and I’m getting my life back with my kids and can go away with my husband and friends and they aren’t clingy!

Better scrolling on their phones than getting pregnant I guess 🤷‍♀️

Some of the comments about having lots of children in one room in a shared house and ‘it’s just what people did’ are bordering on ridiculous. That was 100 years ago. I think the OP needs to get a sense of perspective.

Boomers were the first generation with a certain amount of control over their fertility,

Gen X were the first to be able to access safe abortions and free contraception easily.

So someone in their 50s would have had access to free condoms and the pill (esp as it was during the AIDS crisis). And in the worst case scenario, they could access abortion easily for free.

We had two girls at school who had babies at 16 and frankly many of us could have predicted that it would be them way before it happened.

“Spring chicken” has been misunderstood.
I meant when I had my child I was obviously very young and of course would not expect others to do the same. Now 9 years has passed and while I’m still young I’ve also been an adult for 7 years and am just surprised so few of my peers have had children. It’s nothing to do with judging anyone or thinking they should live their life a certain way it’s just surprise because in the past it would definitely be more than 5 out of over 200.

Yep I’m mid-40s and the majority of my school year did not have kids by the time they were 25. I can’t quite understand why you’re surprised things are different now in any event - women have realised it is not their sole purpose in life to get married and have kids. Everyone has so many more opportunities available to them and don’t necessarily want to be constrained by kids when they are still growing up and living their lives. People are waiting to have financial stability before choosing to start a family. A lot of people make the choice not to have kids at all now for environmental reasons, financial reasons or just because it is way more accepted to just say actually I don’t want them. Society has changed - it’s not a shock and certainly not due to phones!!

You're probably best placed to answer this one. What were / are your friends and former classmates doing instead of having children? Personally, I think men's and now women's freedom to have a healthy sex life, without judgement from society, is a massive contributor. In fact... It's probably the only real reason for the decline in birth rates.

I am very much aware of the economic issues but being poor has never stopped anyone from having children.

Back in my day, a woman even admitting she enjoyed sex meant she was labelled a 'slag', 'slut' etc. Horrific and ridiculous words.

Now that women can enjoy sex, and with whomever they want, we don't need or want to settle down (so quickly) with one man to have our needs met. Men have had this luxury for a long time. The freedom to have jobs and have sex lives (mostly) without judgement means we no longer want the burden of living just to cook, clean and take kids to school.

The 'modern family' needs to change and if society doesn't adapt, quickly, we'll pass the point of no return, like other countries. It takes a village, so no more single family units with one person left to babysit all the time, with no personal freedom, no time to themselves, no holidays and no weekends free. We need access to support networks. Communal living while still having soundproofed rooms / houses.. but with other family units around for support.

My DD is nearly 24 and nowhere near having kids! Not one of her cohort is either even those in LTRs.
Nothing to do with phones - 30 years ago when I was 25 I knew one person of my group who’d had a baby! Even when I had DD at 30 only two other ‘old’ friends had children.

Loving the idea in these supposedly enlightened times that the OP can only see two options in life - babies or degrees.

Interesting thread.

I am 57 and have a DS who is 21. I was considered an older Mother and I would say the general age of the other Mums on the ward at the time were 28-32.

My DS has a wide circle of male and female friends and not one of them has had a child as yet. They are all busy either at Uni or doing apprenticeships. All have part time jobs. Away from Uni and work they go to football, cricket and loads of gigs. They are all into the gym, playing padel and 5 aside football. Some are in darts and pool teams and some are into snooker. They love going to festivals and travelling abroad. They have a great life for 21 year olds. Their view is that there will be many, many years of working, saving for a house deposit and potentially raising kids, so they are enjoying themselves before life gets too serious.

My DS told me about a girl from school, who used to be involved in a sport at a pretty high level and throughout senior school and college would be up at 4am training every day. She is pregnant at 21 and he is quite shocked about it.

The reason why my DS and his friends are not having any children young, isn’t to do with mobile phones. It’s all about living their lives whilst they are young. None of them are financially stable yet and all live with their parents.