Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I had my first child at 16, he is 33 this year. Yes I did survive a year or so on UC (or income support as it was known then), then I went to uni, moved to London and now earn a good salary. I have 3 kids in total, at 16, 26 and 31. My friends from school who had kids were a mix, one had her first at 18, another at 35. My brother became a father at 20, so my parents were grandparents at 39 and 46. My brother went on to have a life in life child with his second wife and he has 28yrs between 1 & 3.

Unless she has more children at some point like a PP.

And maybe her child(ren) may decide that they don’t want children (even by the time they are 25), which is totally legitimate.

You may well be right about the phones. Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread, so will just comment on your thesis.

I read a fascinating essay in The Week last week which explored population decline internationally and argued that the only consistent factor for the drop in birth rates was the roll
out of 4G over the past few decades. This was after considering housing, cost of living, gender equality etc, as these proved different everywhere. In whichever country, from Senegal to Japan to the UK, developing or developed world, the year that 4G rolled out was also the year birth rates began declining in that country, starting in the 2000s. Now many are below replacement level. I imagine the delays in starting a family are interrelated.

I’ve seen a few other news articles exploring this recently so I think the idea may be gaining traction.

Having a child at 16 is irresponsible. You will not be able to support any children at that age.

You talk about choice but it’s only because other people supported you that it worked and I strongly suspect those people including tax payers weren’t asked whether it was ok with them.

So you were parenting children from 16 to 40-something?

Well I have adult kids and I certainly don't restrict my life for their expenses and families etc

And I have every plan to relocate when I'm retired. I travel 2 months a time each year now, it's work that restricts me not adult kids

I don't feel I'm lacking any freedom. I certainly don't live in their pickets and don't expect them to live inmine

Have you not seen the many many posters explaining it's largely down to the cost of living?

Of course. Everyone makes their own choice. Nice being a granny though.

Because the OP is advocating for people having children very early, so I assume she’ll want the same when her child is 16.

not really, I just can't stand these posts shaming women and trying to hide the truth.

I had my kids and have no regret, I would absolutely regret not having them, but I had a whole life before them. It's not about me.

It's completely untrue, and very unhelpful to pretend that mums cannot regret having children. Of course they can, of course some women have bitter regrets.
Maybe they were naive, unprepared, but realising you made a mistake is real.

WHo are you to judge and call them shit mums?

Maybe they learn about contraception whilst scrolling on their phones!

Exactly. People have pointed out several times that her view of the previous generation is at best inaccurate (and at worst mildly insulting).

And the faux incredulity that people don’t have children at the age of 25 is odd.

it’s my last day of the school run on Thursday, when my youngest finishes her last A level, and i’ve been doing it for 28yrs! I’m 50 this year. This is the first time in my adult life (since March when DD turned 18) that i’ve not been parenting. It feels odd. But good!

It all depends on your social circle and who exactly you put that question to.

From my friends and close relatives, it wasn’t “only half” who went to uni. All of us did. I’m not much older than you… We’ve all gone through our degrees, many of us doing a combined 5 or 6 year one that integrated a masters, I moved abroad several times for training schemes, work and study.

I got my “forever” job at 24, and by that point I’d been working 70 hour weeks, international travel every month… I was exhausted and long term relationships or children hadn’t been on my radar.

I took two years to slow down and sort a health issue I was battling, travelled a lot for pleasure, lived in every way I hadn’t been able to beforehand.

People I know have a very similar timeline. Most of my friends and close family have studied all the way up to postgrad and are very invested and passionate about their careers.

If your mum’s circle didn’t all choose that path, it’s not surprising that most would have had children before the age of 25. I actually would’ve loved to have had them around that age, but I will not ever regret spending my 20s investing in myself. I lived so much, experienced so much, and learnt things about myself I wouldn’t have had with a long term partner or kids.

It hasn't changed all that much. People just find it hard to break out of the social molds they were brought up in. Limited ambition, limited expectations of themselves, modelled down the generations. You normalise what you see around you. Not one of my school friends (private girls school, London, two working parents, benefits as income not even a concept) had parents who had children below 30s, and some into their 40s. I then had mine in my 30s. And so on.

I'm really genuinely glad that you are happy with how it went, but I'd be devastated if my child had a baby before her late 20s. Having my kids is the greatest thing I've ever done, but life has so much else to offer.

then that's very sad if you don't put your kids first, or expect a child-free life when you actually have kids.

I know 40+ year olds living on benefits, still actively having babies.

Pissed around in their 20s & 30s now want the whole SAHM experience with little ones and no way to support them.

Maybe seeing you get pregnant at age 16 made your school mates all take extra precautions

Two of them are in their 30s. Do you really expect people to run their whole lives around other grown adults? Id find that sad

Are you selfish enough to expect your own parents to base their lives around you?

Yep I also know people that did this. Travelled, worked NMW jobs, no pension, no savings, just ‘enjoyed themselves’ for years and are now having babies courtesy of universal credit.

Why would you have kids at 25 when you can enjoy child free life for 10 years, get financially stable and have them at 35

doesn't change the fact that 16 year old can't support their own children, or even have any life experience to help them if they genuinely try to support them and raise them at the same time.

LIke it or not, but employers are not even obliged to pay actual minimum wage until you are 21!

True and hopefully some government will have the guts to stop paying people who choose to live on benefits passing those views to their own children.

It won’t be this government.

Why do you keep hanging on to the totally inaccurate view of the previous generation despite many of us who were in that generation telling you it wasn’t like that?

Why are you expecting people to be having kids? I asked a genuine question about whether it would make you feel better about the choices you made.

I don't just pretend they don't exist and selfishly forget about them. I also happen to like my kids and enjoy seeing them from time to time 😂

Don't know many people complaining because parents gave a big boost with deposit