Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

No mother worth anything will regret her kids.
There might be "what ifs", but you're never going to wish you didn't have your children.

Unless you're a shit mum, as I said.

I was 25 when I had my first ( he’s now 23 ) and the age range in the hospital was crazy, from teen mums to mums in their 40’s, felt like hardly anyone was my age. Same again 8 years later when I had my dd aged 33, I felt nobody else was a similar age.

I had my first at 26, I’m having my second at 31. I’m glad I didn’t have my first at 16 and I’m hoping my daughter waits till she is around 20/22 before she even thinks about it

I mean 25 is still very young. I think a lot are late 20s at least.

People keep mentioning degrees and post graduate studies but only half of the population even goes to university so only a handful of people out of 200+ having kids is still unusual no?

(I don’t mean unusual in a negative way, just compared to the past)

But why does it bother you? Are you seeing your friends living a lifestyle that you feel you missed out on?

If not, I can’t think why it would occur to you to ask. If your mother was having kids young then she probably only knew people in similar situations.

You happen to know people different from you in that they have chosen a different path.

Maybe she wants friends her own age?

Who supported you in your choice to have a child at 16? You sound rather smug with your choices

It dosent bother me. People can of course do what they want, I just think it’s a big change compared to when my mum was my age and almost everyone she knew had kids by now.
I mean obviously I was young at 16 but years are going by and still barely anyone I went to school with had had children I was expecting a lot to have had them by now

I don’t know if you are new here but there has been lots of posts from women who have regrets!

And lots who while they may not regret having their kids at all, do regret WHEN they had them if that has meant they were not able to get on the property ladder for example. My husband & I had bought our home before having our children and I know if we hadn’t done that, the expense of maternity leaves, childcare costs etc would have made it very hard to save a deposit, sols fees, furniture etc to do it once we had them. Same with our careers- when it was just us we had the time & money to pay for training, specialising both of our skills, sitting exams, to get further up the ladder, things that took hours and hours of our “free” time and were totally worth it for the financial position we were able to then achieve but wouldn’t have been possible once we had our 2 children. If we’d had our children before doing those things our lives would look so so very different, we’d be renting with no stability and high costs, we’d be earning a fraction of what we are, I’m sure I wouldn’t regret my children but I might well regret that I had them before we had things sorted out, our lives really would be significantly harder and so would their lives as a result.

that's bollocks
Of course some mothers regret having their children, can we stop pretending it doesn't happen?

Which is why no-one should feel pressured to have kids if deep down they don't want them. And no-one is a shit mum because they realise they make a mistake.

It would be interesting to know if people have more regret when they have them too early or too late.

Why the need to be so nasty? did someone touch a nerve with you?

No. Even those of us without degrees had choices in life. It’s not a ‘have a degree or a baby’ situation. Apparently fewer women are having children anyway.

At 25 I’m surprised you don’t understand there is a massive spectrum between having a high flying career and popping out kids at a young age.

You keep talking about this ‘past’ even though people tell you it wasn’t the case. Perhaps the boomer generation but not for GenX or later.

Kinda seems to me like it's touched a nerve with you.

25 is way too young to be saddled with the huge responsibility of having children!! LOL at your comment re “no spring chicken “!!! You probably feel older that your biological age because you’ve had to look after your child from so young.

i had my children at 32 and 34, perfect ages in my opinion. Wouldn’t want to have had them too late either.

Because very very few people can financially support a child by age 25. I think most sensible people wait until they can finance mat leave, childcare, housing etc. plus until they’re ready to settle down.

Women have a lot more choices in life nowadays then the old fashioned get a man/get a house/have babies cycle.

When I do school pick up for my GC, there are a good number of parents in the playground who are almost as old as me.

I love my GC (obviously!) but I can't imagine being still in the primary school years as a parent at what is grandparent age. The thought of doing teenage angst and exam pressure at an age women were once drawing their pensions is just madness. So much rather them than me!

Slightly different if it was due to long-term infertility (rather than waiting till 40s to have babies) or accidental pregnancy.

@Quietterry, while I agree 16 isn't exactly an optimal age to have a baby, you won't even be menopausal when she's at uni. What you lost in your teens, hopefully you'll get back in your mid-30s. And you'll be around for a long time with grandchildren too, if you're lucky enough to have some.

But people have provided statistics showing that it's actually NOT that big a change from when your mum was your age. The average age may have increased by a few years, but that's not a huge change.

But you know this because it's been pointed out to you several times, with supporting statistics. Why are you being obtuse?

It wasn't the norm to buy a house at 18 years ago - the average age has increased dramatically because the average price relative to income has increased dramatically, but 18 has never been anything other than unusual.

https://www.ybs.co.uk/w/first-homes-get-smaller

It's not phones! I'm a lot older than you and social media/smartphones were only just making an appearance in my 20s but most of my friendship group didn't start having kids until 30s. Combination of hedonistic lifestyles, wanting to travel/work abroad, careers, not finding the right partner. Most men don't want to be young fathers either and know they can usually conceive at an older age so aren't in a rush!

I always thought I would want kids eventually but didn't have any maternal instincts until I actually became pregnant. I used to move away from babies in restaurants! I didn't meet my DH until late 20s and then we wanted to have some fun together, get married and enjoy honeymoon before kids. I was pretty confident fertility would be Ok as mum and aunts had conceived into late 30s/40s without issues but if I'd had concerns about it I probably would have ttc a few years earlier.

That was a different era

most 25 year olds are forging a career and trying to get on the ladder or just out enjoying themselves

I met someone young so we had our first at 28. Most people are now in their 30s

i dont know anyone with kids in their mid 20s and never have unless they were born 60 years ago

Because they are still ‘spring chickens’ 🤦‍♀️

Can you honestly not understand this OP? Just because you were still a child when you had your child…doesn’t mean that every 25 year old is ‘old’. 25 is still very young…they will be focusing on their careers (or just having fun whilst they can!). It doesn’t matter what their reason is does it?

I would say regretting WHEN you had them touches upon the "what ifs" I mentioned.
That's different from actually regretting your children.

But if it’s so awful, why did you do it?

I really can’t stand this kind of snobbish attitude that being married and having children is amazing…. But only for me and the choices I made in later life. I never lost my independence, career or stopped travelling. I pity anyone who didn’t do it exactly as wonderfully is me.

I wonder if it’s all just face or is every mum who gets pregnant at 37+ really this perfect?

Yes I got it slightly wrong the average age of first time mothers when I was born was 23 not 21 - I was just basing it on my parents' friends and family and the ages they were when they had their first borns so I was a couple of years out. My mum was 21 and my Dad 23.

When I was 26 all of my friends were having babies and I would have done too if I had been able to. In the end I adopted at age 36.