Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I must be a similar age to your mum, OP, or maybe older. Most of my circle who had kids did so in their 30s.

Nor does the PP.

Martyrdom isn’t a good example to set for your kids. They need to see you are a person in your own right

The 37 year old is much more likelier to have paid into the system first before claiming anything: she’s likely to have paid in for around 20 years

Times have changed! Money is a huge factor.

People have bigger worlds now than they did decades ago. We can travel now and women have more opportunities. Having children is more of a choice than it's ever been, people are less inclined to do it because it's just what you do.

People are more likely to move away from family for work so they don't have a 'village' to help with children. Grandparents often still work themselves and can't help with childcare and childcare is expensive.

One of the biggest factors I think is the cost of housing and the fact most families need both parents to work to pay for it.

In my circle, almost everyone got married between 26 and 30 then had kids a couple of years after. Everyone had big weddings and house deposits to save for before having kids.

I do think money is probably the biggest factor. I'm pretty much the only one without them now, I'm the only one that's always stayed childfree by choice. Even my friends who always said they didn't want kids have had them in the end.

Hope my mum doesn’t feel like that, hehe!

had my first a month after turning 23, but I was married, a home owner, hubby & I both graduates from a top university in good jobs, so not sure why we’d wait!

Birth rates began declining in the 1880s. Lots of reasons, including industrialisation... Women had other choices. Which continues to be relevant as they continue to decline.

I had my first at 28. Of my closest friends, one had a baby the same time as I did, but the others only really started around the same time I had DD2 so 31 ish. Seeing as DD1 is now an adult, you can't blame smart phones because they weren't around.

Finishing education, trying to get on the property ladder, actually finding the right partner etc all keep people from having babies in their early 20s.

My mum, born 1950 was married just after she turned 22, had 3 kids by 28. I'm 48, got married at 29 and had my kids at 30 and 33 (relatively young in my cohort).

Women going to university and generally expecting to work has been a massive gamechanger for marriage age, as has the expense of bringing up kids and life in general. And seeing the realities of parents who married young and it ended in divorce means a lot of people want to wait, even if they have been together for a while, to see how their partner copes with changes in life before being sure they want to stay with them for life.

I presume you mean you find it nice being a granny? It’s not what all mothers want though. 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes they want their children to have a life without the hassle of children.

Mid 40s!!! Flipping heck OP, you are making me feel ancient!!!
I'm 41, most of my peers from school didn't have children until around 30, possibly late 20s (27-28) but most of the people I went to school with would have been going to university etc. I had my youngest at 36 and there were lots of women my age I was friends with pregnant at the same time or just after, even some in the last year or so.
I think lots of reasons people aren't having children as young: career and education; financial stability; wanting to experience life first; any also more people realising they don't want children and deciding to remain child free.
People, and women in particular, have more choice now. They can decide what they want, it's not just the done thing to have kids and that's just that they way it would have been 40 or more years ago.
I'd say the proportion of women actively choosing to try to conceive in their early 20s, even 25 years ago, was very small, probably a bigger proportion were unplanned, not that the child is any less loved and wanted, my youngest was a "surprise" at 35, life happens, but you know what I mean.

Getting a bit personal. Don’t think sad and selfish is a proportionate reaction to someone saying they have their own plans for retirement.

Just like everything else, times have changed. My sister is 13 years older than am. She had three children by 26. I had five children between the ages of 35 and 39. I was having way too much fun in my 20's to even consider children.

I'm not shaming anyone.

I just can't understand how anyone can look at their child, genuinely wish they didn't exist, and simultaneously be a good mum?

Like I said, I can understand "what ifs" and thinking over the things you've missed out on, there's lots I would like to do still with my life/wish I had done despite having had a fantastic life pre-kids, but I'd never regret my children so I could do those things instead. I think if you feel like that, you can't give yourself as a mother properly, you'd resent them and feel they held you back. And I don't believe a mother who feels that way towards her children can be a good mum.

It's not just about degrees. Plenty of people who don't go to uni want a decent career so might go to college to train in a trade and then work to meet themselves up. It seems most people have other ambitions before having children.

which is the whole point of having them late ,having had a full life, and build a solid one so you are a person by the time you have them.

Not just putting your life on hold and being a martyr for a few years.

you and me not regretting having children doesn't mean it doesn't happen to others.

What's so hard to understand?

You can still be a good mum. Not everyone has a healthy and happy child either, you are also conveniently forgetting how much luck is there too.

Children are a ball and chain!
Once they are in your life then the majority of your life choices will have to factor them in - that’s what being a good parent is.
However, my choice would not be to have them when I was very young. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to party to the extent that I did, go backing for months and do all the borderline things that I did if I had children.

Mine are nearly adults I am not sure how things will change when they leave home, start their own families etc.

Do we only become 'people' once we're late 30s/40s?

And then slavishly devote the rest of your life to them?

I honestly don’t feel old or ‘no spring chicken’ (I struggle to forget I’m not a teenager 🤣) at 33. I’d prefer not to have another baby now because I’m done with being miserable and pregnant, nappies, sleeplessness etc. but physically I’d be perfectly capable. I had my first at 26 and was younger than the vast majority of my friends. At the school gates I’m still solidly in the ‘younger’ age bracket. I do feel pretty glad that I’ll still be in my 40s when both my children are young adults and can hopefully fend for themselves - although not sure this is a reality for my SEN child so I’ll settle for being ‘more independent’. That said, I know plenty of my ‘older mum’ fiends had much longer periods of being ‘young, wild and free’ before having kids, and that definitely has its benefits too!

Couldn’t imagine any worse timing for my kids than being pregnant so young. They would miss out on so many experiences as adolescents whilst being held back by a child they were totally unprepared for (being kids themselves). What can you possibly give to a child as a 16 year old with your brain not yet fully matured and zero life experience or independent income?

If it happens then it happens but good grief I wouldn’t wish that on anyone and I mean that feeling protective over my kids.

Apparently that’s when you stop being a person weirdly

Are you from an area of serious socioeconomic deprivation? That's the only way I can think that your mum being younger than me is now a granny to a 9 yr old. My son is 8.

It's not just university, it's getting a job, saving. Getting a mortgage, buying a house, getting a promotion. Anyone who ants a decent career, particularly women doesn't just finish school and decide to have a baby as soon as they have a long term boyfriend. Nor did we do years ago. Also your mum had you at 19 as well? So you're a teenage mum in a line of teenage mums. That's the outlier.

In my 20s I was far too busy working, travelling the world, going to raves, dancing on the bar etc 😂I wasn't on my phone! Had my 1st at 36 and so glad I didn't miss out on those carefree years. By the way I'm in my 40s now and none of my friends has kids before age 30, so this isn't new

I honestly don’t feel old or ‘no spring chicken’ (I struggle to forget I’m not a teenager 🤣) at 33. I’d prefer not to have another baby now because I’m done with being miserable and pregnant, nappies, sleeplessness etc. but physically I’d be perfectly capable. I had my first at 26 and was younger than the vast majority of my friends. At the school gates I’m still solidly in the ‘younger’ age bracket. I do feel pretty glad that I’ll still be in my 40s when both my children are young adults and can hopefully fend for themselves - although not sure this is a reality for my SEN child so I’ll settle for being ‘more independent’. That said, I know plenty of my ‘older mum’ fiends had much longer periods of being ‘young, wild and free’ before having kids, and that definitely has its benefits too!