Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

🤣 agreed each to their own

but you don't? Or not really.

If you are 30 and still child free, you can accept any job anywhere, go on holiday or do anything. Once you have children, you will always feel financially responsible for them, you won't want to relocate and be so far you never see them. It's kids who need to travel and move abroad, not their parents.

Even with adults kids, you want to help with weddings, house deposit, and if they have kids, you help too.

you will never get your freedom back. It's better to have children and a family, but it's not the same life.

@Quietterry Most women I know had at least one child by their late 20s, and virtually all of them by their mid 30s.

Your view of the previous generation is flawed. There were a couple of girls who got pregnant at 16 when I was at school 40 years ago but it was very much seen as a bad thing.

Many people of my age haven’t had kids because they had more choices in life - Easy access to contraception and abortion and plenty of career options.

Are you feeling like you want validation for your own choices? It just seems strange to bemoan the fact your peers are still childfree at a relatively young age.

Even the ‘not a spring chicken’ comment seems designed for validation on here so everyone can jump in and say how young you are at 25

Most people wait until they can afford them. At 16 you can’t have been financially independent?

Or particularly mature…

I also agree, some/most women on mumsnet are just awful judgey c*nts.
I think the only thing to be taken from this thread is that everybody's lives are their own and, regardless what age you had children, nobody is ever going to regret having them!
I was lucky that I got to travel in my 20s, I had my first 'surprise' baby at 28. I had my second planned baby at 36. I still feel like there's a lot more I'd like to do in life that I can't do now with kids, but idgaf because I would never, ever change my life. And I didn't even have them young! So it doesn't matter what age you are or what you've already experienced, there's always something you haven't done, but unless you're an absolutely shit mother, it doesn't matter anymore. Or you can do it when the kids have grown up, there's lots I plan to do when mine are older. Life doesn't end when you have kids, there are decades left after your child-rearing years.

It’s hard to afford kids at 25. Damn near impossible at any younger age, and to be honest very few people would be mentally ready to have kids before that point anyway.

If you want to do things ‘properly’ ie. Have a home, a stable partner and a good career before starting a family, most people will be at least 30 before that point.

My personal thought is it's because the world is in general a much more accessible and open place now, even more so for women. Compared to previous generations, in my 20s I had so many options of things I could do that wasn't just getting married or having kids. So I feel young adults are exploring life a bit more and I think that often means having children often falls down the list of priorities.

People do regret them though. Or at least regret messing up their future life.

, regardless what age you had children, nobody is ever going to regret having them!

That's just not true though, is it?

It may not be considered acceptable to admit it, but some people do regret having children. Any decision you will ever make carries the possibility for regret.

Mid 40s, I’m not saying everyone had children young then I’m just saying it definitely wasn’t like now where out of over 200 people I went to school with only a handful have had kids by 25.

My mum says most of her friends had children by then but granted that’s just her experience but to even say even only a quarter had that would still be 50.

OP how are you not a spring chicken? You’ve only been an adult for 7 years. You will realise how young 25 is in the years to come.

I think you are attaching too much importance to your mother's experience OP. It is simply not true to say that it was the norm to have babies much younger although it may have been the case for her
I had my first child at 27 in the late 80s (same age as my mother had her first in the late 50s). Two of my DCs now have children, one had their first at 29 and the other at 33, I would think building careers, buying homes, etc had more influence on that than phones!
When I had my first, age 27, I was the first of my schoolfriends, the first of my university friends and the first female in our work cohort to have a child (one of the men's wife had a baby the year before me but he was a year or two older) although I think it was considered a fairly "normal" age.

Yes I suppose so. But you are free from the actually day to day stuff of bringing kids up. No running around in late 40s or 50s picking teenagers up .Easy to travel . If the kids have reasonable jobs not that much need to help them financially. We helped with deposits but fortunately it wasn’t any hardship for us. We do treat grandkids but we only have two.Our kids weren’t bothered about big weddings . But yeah there’s always the actually worry you have once you have a child. You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child etc. but that would be even worse imo as an older parent .

I’m 40 and can’t afford my own house (nearly there still saving) and don’t have a partner so the plan to have kids by 30 went out the window, 2 x big financial crises meant that home owning was impossible in my area - and I want a stable home before I either look into like ivf etc or adoption - I’ve also got late diagnosed adhd so it took a while for me to understand me and what I need first.

if I had a good partner etc when I was younger probably would have happened, but I wanted to get out of my hometown and have a career, and then consider little ones later on - so knew this was likely route for me - I just wasn’t ready earlier on as couldn’t manage my money solo or remember to feed myself - again the adhd was hard with no support network, so I wasn’t going to bringing kids into that

I think everyone’s choice is individual - have kids younger or older, choose not to have them - it’s all good - shouldn’t be the standard thing, do what
works for you in your circumstances

There are lots of reasons, some of which are longstanding. The average age a woman has her first child is higher than 30 now I think. Many will wait for a long term relationship, or marriage, some may be waiting to buy a house or get a career which gives them good maternity pay. Certainly those were all factors in my decision making and in the end I accidentally fell pregnant at 33 before all of those things were in place for me. All of those are things that are happening later in life for most people.

I had my kids when I was early 20s and now they are grown and I have grandchildren. I'm loving life now and travel all the time in my motorhome or fly abroad. My kids know I am there for them and I'm free to help out, but my life is now my own and it's brilliant.

Years ago things were different and at 16 most of us were at work, maybe a year of college and then work. 18 you was a full grown adult, getting serious with your boyfriend, buying a house etc, whereas today kids are more babied. They stay on in education until early 20s if not longer. A 16 year old today is more like a 12 year old from my teens. Different times.

Are you and your husband hoping to be grandparents at 32, OP?

Nothing to do with phones for me. I met my DH in my mid twenties and we didn't decide we wanted to have children till our mid thirties. I love them and they are the best things in my life, but they are bloody hard work 😂 so we're both happy with our choices. I think it's the same for most people I know.

Women have more money independence and choices than they did previously. They see better options than burdening themselves with babies in their 20s. I am your mum's age and got my career husband travelling house set up before i felt i wanted to have a baby. None of my friends had babies until late 30s either. I think youd have to go back to 1970s to see more women having babies that young but many didnt see any future other than marriage and babies.

I'm in your mother's generation and none of my peers had kids at 25. In my NCT class most of the mums having their first child were 34/5.

Lots are too busy having fun at 25

Why don't you look at the actual statistics that posters have provided for you, instead of relying on anecdotal evidence?

If your mother is only in her 40s then the average age for having a first child isn't that different from now.

Why do you want to know that?