Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I’m 37.

Had 3 by 26, so not a million years ago. They’re 16, 14 and 11 now.

Times have changed, even since 2010. It
worked out well for me. I got a 100 percent mortgage, did an OU degree. Got married, ticked off all the milestones relatively early. Career is flying now!

Do I want my daughter pregnant at 20? Not really. I think 30-33 is ideal. I do think women delay it a little bit too long tbh.

My 20s was for working hard, climbing the career ladder, travelling, girls holidays, nights out and fun times. I had my baby at 36 and it was absolutely the right decision for me.

I came here to say exactly this! I hate these types of threads, with people who had their children later reeling off a load of cliches and stereotypes. I had my first at 25 and second at 27. I was married (husband is same age) and we had bought our first house by then, and I had a degree and completed a Masters around having the children. We have moved further up the property ladder twice now and are both doing well in our careers even though I was part time when they were little. I adored having my children in my 20s, I’m still nostalgic for those times now! You can take your travelling and partying, I would never have swapped it and now I’m in my 40s with 2 pretty amazing teenagers and lots of time
for myself and my own interests.

I had my second child at 25. I was married at 23 & DH and I were able to buy our own flat when I was 20 & he was 21. We were also able to manage financially on one very average full time wage & my very part time wage which meant only minimal child care fees.

In contrast, DS2 is now 25, works full time in a good job for his age yet still lives at home as housing costs nearby have become unaffordable for many people. His GF is also working full time but on a training contract so is not paid as well as she hopefully will be when she qualifies. They are saving for the future but it’s so much harder these days. For them to have a child at the moment surely wouldn’t be that sensible?

I was at secondary school in the 1990’s, very few of my year had babies before 20, and it was never the result of a planning and in a settled relationship. Amongst my peer group 30-35 was the norm, with everybody working and providing for their children independently.

Maybe it was because i got a phone at 21 I didn’t manage to have my first until 35 eh?! (Still didn’t have one at 16 despite not having a phone either though!)

I had my first at 25, nearly all my close friends were the same (27 years ago now) we all are university educated etc, we were ready then, but I think youngsters now don’t feel grown up at 25 now, I have a 25 year old who is still in the going out too much phase! Things change like cost of living but mostly perceptions change. Interestingly those dd does know 2 girls who had dc before finishing school but since then none have had kids, it’s as if they need to get past that point then it will be 30+

You are a spring chicken my love

Had my first at 34. 38 now possibly have another. For me I wanted to wait until I owned my own home, had decent money coming in, got the partying phase out of me and felt set. Well, as set as I could.

I grew up with a mum who had 4 the first me at 17. I watched my parents really struggle sometimes and it kind of put me off starting a family young.

Do i regret it? A little. I wish I would have started at bit earlier around 30.

At 25 I was way too immature.

I found it hard too op
i had three kids by 26 and non of my friends did. However now I’m in my 40s I’m enjoying having more freedom as the DC are now successful adults.
Personally in my 20s I winged life, was fun and optimistic and this made me a fun an DC energetic parent. As I’ve got older I’ve become more aware of the down sides of life, so bring a older parent wouldn’t made me more anxious and hard on myself

She doesn't know this as rather than educating herself and exploring the world etc she was having kids

I had my 2nd when I was 25. I find these things really vary. I'm 44 and out of all the people in my year at school I am still in touch with, our dc are aged between 30 and 3 years old with mine right in the middle.

Nothing to do with phones imo. When I was 25 we didn't have smart phones and still none of my friends had children before they were 32. We're also not all career women so it's not that either, but at 25 we were mainly still feeling very young, having fun, etc. and the ones who had children had them in their thirties, quite a few around 32 and some later on.

Sex ed, the availbility of birth control, and parents now talking about sex and contraception vs pretending that it doesn't exist will play a huge part of this. Also now it is very cost prohibitive to raise families and a large amount of women choose to work rather than being a SAHP.

So your daughter has about another 9 years before you start pointing at the clock saying “countdown to babies sweetheart”?

I'm twice your age and I have NO friends who had a child at 25. Some from my year group at school did though, I think.
My DM had me just a bit older than you, which was average for her group, but she's a boomer.

No … I had kids 3 and 4 lol 😂… I do love my kids and don’t regret a second of them, but I do also think if people choose to wait for having kids then that’s perfectly fine and understandable

There was sex ed in schools 30 years ago, maybe even longer.
There was a pro teenage pregnancy culture in some environments in the 90s though and that's probably changed.

because they are better mother if they wait until they had experience freedom and child-free life? And they are very happy to settle and concentrate on the children when they arrive instead of desperately wanting to get their child-free life?

not everyone wants children to just dump their at their mum or nan because they don't want to be a mother after all?

I appreciate that, thank you. Yes, I did want children at the time but would have felt better if it was my own choice and not rushed into it. I was young and naive and just did it out of fear more than anything. But still, as you say, no regrets. How could I regret my beautiful children.

I like that perspective, and glad you can see how it came across. I know I come across quite harsh and bitchy sometimes, and I think its my defensive personality from suffering abuse for so long (only a year on). So I apologise for that.

Ultimately I think that everybody lives different lives, and that's ok. Its not always ideal but it is what it is and we make the best of it. I just dont like that a young woman makes a thread asking a question and faces 27 pages of mostly sneering comments. It just does nothing in the way of helping anybody and it's irritating. But that's the internet for ya

I completely agree, same experience here. I am in my 50s and had children in my 30s (4 btw!!). My brother had a child in his 40s, all my friends were later than me so late 30s, and I literally know nobody in my generation who had kids at 25. My parents (now in their 80s) had us in their late 20s and they were young parents in my school year so I don't think anyone had kids earlier typically and they didn't even go to university.....
My paternal mother had her first child at 18 but my maternal grandmother at 35 so even then it wasn't a given you would have kids at 20 although maybe then early 20s was a more typical average - but we are taking 1920s.

Hang on @Quietterry how old is your mum? I’m early 50s and not one of my close friends had a baby before the age of 30 - we were all too busy at uni / working / travelling etc.

However, the girls I was at school with who never left our small hometown do seem to have had kids sooner, so perhaps that’s it. Do those who move away and experience a different life realise there’s more to it than becoming a parent? Maybe.

My thoughts exactly!

Not every young mother is like that. I had mine 24 and 26 and they have never stayed with anybody, no grandparents no childminders. Just nursery while I work. I know that some are like that but it is very unfair to bunch all young mothers together the way that you have. I know some mothers in their 30s who are truly awful and throw their kids at whoever is free whenever they can.

This is interesting.

Suuuuuuuure 🙄