Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I had my children young. 19,20 and 22. Im 34 now. I dont regret it but I was naive. We didn't have enough money really but made it work. We both have careers now so money isn't a problem. However I think ive been incredibly lucky that my marriage is still great and always has been which I think is rare to find someone young and stay together. I always wanted children that was never a question for me but I totally understand why people wait. Having children is a huge life changing choice so waiting to enjoy your own life first and making sure your relationship will stand the test of time is hugely important.
I also think people wait as times have changed women aren't pressured by society and they are now presented with choice which I think is wonderful having children isn't for everyone so being able to take your time to decide is a great thing.
There are pros and cons to everything and there is no right time.

I’m not actually sure that is most women. It’d be interesting to know if there wasn’t a financial need or worry about career prospects if most women or men wouldn’t rather spend more time with their children in the early years than run round dropping them off at nursery and working while holding a home together.

Also my Mum had me at 22 and her Mum at 20 but I had access to contraception and many more options for my life than they did... My nana had a war in the way too. So I feel like I drew the winning numbers on when I got born... My Mum always said she'd been too young, she'd even got married because she was pregnant. That was late 60's .. she was very keen for me not to have babies too young ..

25 is young. The only people I knew who had kids by then were the ones who didnt pursue a career type of job and worked to live. I'm sure that isn't exclusively the case at all but in my locality it was. It is very common where I am to have kids in 30s even 40s.

I think they've been a bit hard on you.I am over 50, and in my school class there were a few teen mums.Also women who went on to have children in their 20's.You are absolutely right, fewer people are having children young or at all.

The lack of housing is probably a factor plus cost of living.
Sure some people had quite difficult lives after starting to have children too young. I can think of one family member who's life could have been quite different with out a child at 18.

However perhaps our attitudes need to change towards having children young.Problem is the infrastructure is not there to support the young mums.Meaning we keep hearing there are not enough people being born to support thr social security system, so could we rethink the whole system, have some new ideas?

I looked up the average age from your mum's generation and it was 29. So perhaps your mum's circle were just a bit younger!

To answer your question, no, I don't think it has anything to do with people being on their phones more at all. The age has been rising for decades now. Years ago people married young due to societal preasure. Women were viewed as mother's and that was their goal. But women became more independent and pushing against societal norms (hallelujah!) And realised that there is more to life than having children. I love love love my child more than anything but I am so pleased I went to uni, traveled, got a steady career and bought a property before settling down and finding my partner.

Is nobody here quite pleased that some people work to live and therefore provide a range of services they wouldn’t want to do themselves? If everyone clamoured for university and a career the market would be even more saturated than it is now.

The whole of my twenties... Which by happy (party) coincidence was the 90's...

So, my DH and his dad, then? FIL was about 38 I think and DH was in his early 40s.

My point still stands. It doesn't guarantee anything.

Very similar to us. We both really wanted kids also. I had my first at 23 we struggled financially but somehow managed to get on the housing ladder ,our careers took off and it worked out fine . Still together thirty odd years later.

It's not phones- this fell off a cliff when the pill bcame readily availble in the late 60's. My mother was 18 when my brother was born and 23 when i was born. l'm 64 I never had kids my brother had 2 both when over 30. I have only ever been to 2 weddings for people under30. All my school friends were nearly 30 when they married and over when they had kids.

Yup and working to live can often work out fine as you do often progress in jobs ( and no student debt)

I had my first at 29 and my second at 31 and was the youngest person in my friendship group, NCT group and at my workplace to have children. My oldest is older than you so I am your parents' generation.

This is definitely not to do with phones. It's a social and economic thing. It doesn't surprise me that your mum also had kids early and you've followed suit. My mum conversely was late twenties and I followed suit.

Most people choose not to have their children and rely on UC so they have them later than previous generations in order to be economically stable.

Women are encouraged to have careers more now and it’s better to get to a more senior position that’s more flexible first, a lot of women have realised they want more than a life of domestic work and childcare or at least want to live first for themselves, people travel more / want more experiences which works better pre kids, it’s more socially acceptable to play the field and not settle down until nearer 30, people live at home longer / can’t afford housing, most people want more than a basic life on benefits.. any number of reasons that’s not phones.

It's not just about infrastructure. Children benefit hugely from mothers having more maturity and education before they have children - not only because of the financial benefits that normally go hand in hand with that, but because that maturity and education directly leads to better parenting.

Because these days it's considered too young for most people, not to say you are wrong, just an exception. Most folks are busy living first then children after, there's an argument that says have children young so you are still fit enough to travel and enjoy life after they are grown, different people have different priorities

Because 25 is still very young! My daughter is 25 and doesn’t feel anywhere near ready to have a baby - she’s still enjoying being an adult with no responsibilities and I’m very glad

Did they really though? My mum was married at going on 21, didn't have me until 27, almost 28, and none of her friends had children until their thirties. All in London if it makes a difference. I got pregnant at 31, had mine at 32 and while I do have friends with young DC, I have lots more who are mid-late thirties with no kids. Lots on DH's side who didn't have kids until late 30s. The only mum friend I know who had a baby at 25, the pregnancy wasn't planned but she's doing great. Albeit living with family.

Because you are still only 25. Many people want to establish employment stability and a committed relationship /marriage before becoming parents.
I know that there are no guarantees and there are exceptions but most people would agree that 16 is too young to have a baby. This isn't a criticism of you (I was a teenage mum myself).
Why are you surprised that a significant percentage of your cohort don't have children?

Have you got a link to that information?

Actually I think you'll find that most posters are answering the question posed. Why aren't there as many 25 year old mums as there once was.

So we're saying, this is why I didn't have children til later. Not "women shouldn't be young mums".

The people then pointing out the disadvantages of being an older parent feel a bit like they're then trying to justify their choice to be a younger mum as the better choice.

Neither is better. They both have advantages and disadvantages. But the question asked will generally result in more "older" mums explaining why they chose that.

In my family my grandmother born 1907 had her first child at 18, mum born 1925 had her first child at 26 (although I suspect the war may have made a difference), me born 1955 had my first at 32, and mine had their first at 34. I did go to school with 2 who had babies at 16 but it was considered shocking. My children also knew one or two, things had improved and then it was just considered sad that it narrowed their lives and opportunities. But I don’t think in your teens has been considered the expected age to have children in the last 50 years. There are always some either by choice or accident. And you do have the advantage of being young enough to have a different life when your children are grown and enjoy being young when you have grandchildren. It does have advantages if that’s how it happens.

It’s a global phenomenon. The birth rate is even declining rapidly in Africa, which is the only continent left where birth rates are above “replacement value.” On every other continent in the world, birth rates are below replacement value (ie populations will begin to shrink rapidly, with far more elderly people alive than young people to replace them or care for them). It’s self-evident that there are multiple reasons for this being the case, including starting families later or not at all, and that it is not possible to blame everything on mobile phones.

I'm (probably) in your parents' generation and most of my contemporaries certainly did not have children by the age of 25.

Women had babies at a young age when basically, there wasn't much else for them to do as the social expectation was that they get married young and have babies pretty much immediately. Of course they were expected to give up whatever job they had. That's not true anymore, and hasn't been for decades now. Women have options and reproducing young - or at all - is just one of them.

How is it that you don't know all this?

I think it has been normal for people to start later for quite a while now. I don’t think it is phones! I think the world has changed that’s all. I wouldn’t want my daughter have children before 30 if I am honest. Once you have kids you never stop worrying fundamentally so the longer you are free from that the better