Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

That’s the ideal-many won’t achieve that. They may find it hard to manage on a small budget but still be wonderful parents.

My 3 daughters are all in their 30s and only one of them has children so far - she was 32 when she had her first baby.

And I had my first baby at 29.

I would say none of this was/is unusual amongst the people I know

That's good, as everyone else here seems to. Yes, I made that point because I knew the women making those comments would be offended. Alas, they reported it because they were offended. I like to bully bullies, they deserve it.

It was my ExHs conscious choice as he coerced me into it across a decade of abuse. Like I said, not everybody gets to live the life they want and do whatever they want for so many reasons, that is just one of many. That being said, I am very happy I had my children at that age as it worked well for who I was then and am now.

What I don't understand are these repeated comments about obsession with smartphone use? Everybody is obsessed with smartphones. I would bet my left tit 99% of the women on this thread are ignoring their kids to shitpost here instead. All of them use their phones every day and are reliant upon them. Why is OP obsessed? Because she's young? I'm not following.

Yes. They want to become mothers and build a career, just like men have always been able to become fathers and engage in public life more deeply.

I’m early 30s and I’d say less than half the people from school/ I know my age have kids, so I agree.

Agreed.

I had my first child at 31... At 25 I was out partying all the time and spent a decade living out of a couple of bags, living in Europe... That baby I had when I was 31 is now 25 and she's planning babies in the next 3/4 years.... A few friends of hers had had babies but very few. My twenties were glorious and I was way too much of a fuckwit to have children.

I had two before 21, and yes it was a struggle. However, in my thirties I trained to be be a nurse and we travelled a lot too, and bought our own house. Perhaps I did things the wrong way round but it turned out alright in the end!

I’ve done that and had my first at 26. Not easy obviously but totally doable. Work sponsored my degree and postgrad. If I’d launched straight into university I would’ve done the wrong thing and had a ton of debt. Like a lot of my ex classmates - now earning a very average wage in something completely unrelated to what they studied

It wasn’t my case but I’d have loved to have ‘just’ been a mother for their younger years. It’s a wonderful time.

Just to understand, @Quietterry , are you saying you think people are too busy on their phones to have sex? 🤔

I think it's more COL/women wanting to secure their career etc first and (FINALLY) finally being empowered to not take the same old sh!t from men and their weaponized incompetence - and being socially permitted to reject that.

There must be some actual scientific research on this!? Anyone?

I’m intrigued as to how you spent 10 years living out of a bag but then managed to get married, a mortgage etc and still have a baby by 31?

People are having less sex apparently. Maybe the availability of porn has something to do with it.

I had them at 38 and 41. Certainly not saying this is better or worse - I’m sure it has many disadvantages and advantages. But for me it was wanting education, to establish a career and then to enjoy spending money! But I can’t pretend it wasn’t stressful trying to have children when worrying I had left it too late.

It’s far less possible and usual to be a one-earner household - lots feel they need their early and mid twenties to establish something of a career.

I had some friends who got married mid-20s but it was unusual, most of us were with people who would have been unsuitable fathers (then, though hopefully not no).

Also yes wanting to be an adult and carefree. And not having money. Or space. Or, to be honest, the inclination. Younger people can be selfish - I would have been a good mother if I had a child, but I’m glad I had an opportunity to just think about me.

There’s 6 years between 25 and 31
my life was also unrecognisable between these ages

25 single London renting a house share with friends
31 married one child living outside of London in a purchased property .

Well; she had a kid at 16, highly unlikely she’d be in a position financially herself. So probably either her family, or (more likely) the taxpayer picked up the tab

So which 10 years were the ones you spent living out of a bag? 15 to 25?

Because I did a degree in that time too and getting married is not obligatory. Actually I did marry him afterwards. But genuinely I moved and moved all over the place during that decade, I even did my degree in two countries..The reason I settled so quickly is because my Mum got terminally ill so I moved back to my home area to care for her... And just settled down. I just cannot imagine doing it before then because I was so itinerant.

Most women doesn't mean all.

i think it depends on what your peers are doing. My mum (born 1950) was the first in her family to go to uni, but of the women she got to know there, she was almost the first, at 27, to have a baby. My friends’ parents were all of a very similar age to my parents (or at least, relative to their kids- eg my friends who are youngest children have more elderly parents than my friends who were the first-born like me).

Then my own friends were all over 30 even thinking about having a baby, and I’m nearly 50. So it has been going on for a long time. Maybe it just depends who you know? I suspect if you perceive it normal to have kids at 22, 23, you’re more likely to do that; whereas if you think 22, 23 is an age to be out experimenting with your own life and practically a child, you’re less likely to be starting a family at that age.

There’s another thread going where universal credit is looking after a lady who got pregnant at 37 with little financial security in the way of mat leave by a man she had known for a very very brief time indeed. I don’t think it’s exclusive to teenagers, although probably more likely.

https://www.parliament.uk/business/publications/research/olympic-britain/population/have-kids-settle-down/

There was a post war blip with an abnormally low average age from after the second world war until the 1970s, but average age women had their first baby was 29 a hundred years ago. It's a myth that ordinary women on average had their children in their teens or twenties in the past.

There have always been outliers but most women had their first baby later than 25 long before most families had landlines or TVs, let alone smartphones.

I find this a very bizarre thread. OP I'd recommend looking up 'affinity bias' and 'confirmation bias' to explain the discrepancy between you and your mum's experience vs the actual data etc.

Maybe having a child so young makes you feel old? Odd to say you're not a spring chicken at age 25. I'm 32 and have 2 children, had my first at 29, and still I'd say out of my school cohort a minority have children at this age.

The falling birth rate and increase in average age of first child phenomenons are very well documented and highly discussed in the media. Most common reasons seem to be the cost of living, lack of suitable affordable housing, and more of a focus on establishing a good career first, in large part because of those first two issues.

I wouldn't generally want to encourage anyone to spend MORE time on their phones but maybe you do OP 😅 to read a little out of your personal circle etc? This question is just surprising to me as I feel like this has been discussed to death in the media for a long time

I’m sorry that happened to you in the way it did but it’s wonderful that you’ve found the silver lining in the wonderful relationship you have with your kids.

I realize now that my comment about making the best choices for each of us seemed less than sympathetic because I was assuming all was a planned choice.

I’m glad I had DC later now because I now know how much I loved having a baby and how completely immersed I became, I would have been distracted and not done any of the things I did.

But if that had happened I wouldn’t have had any real regrets because I wouldn’t know what I missed.

I’m generally a happy person with my choices and try not to look back and ‘what if’