Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

No they didn't.

25 years ago when you were born, the average age of first child was 27.

Honestly it’s because they don’t want them. And know how to use reliable birth control. They have other priorities and from your survey the vast majority have different priorities to having kids.

Did you mean to be so rude to the young OP who is simply asking a question?

My mum had her first at 22, she was 29 with her last and horrified to be put in the ‘old mum clinic’ at the hospital as she would be 30 when he was born. All the mums seemed her age? This was early 1990s.

1. people are busy in further education, or staring out in their career- it used to be the social norm for women to marry and become housewives. Not so now.
2. property is super expensive and people want a stable home beforehand - property used to be a lot cheaper, even relative to household income.
3. childcare is expensive so you need a decent salary first & job stability - repeat of my first point about women previously giving up work and therefore not needing childcare.
4. people have the option to travel more now, enjoy other experiences, and live a life before they settle down and have children.

I had children at 30 and 32, and I’m very glad for my two DC that it’s now the norm to be 30+ before having children.

They can't afford them?

Yeah precisely. The 'much better things' being getting wasted every other day and shagging around. Was never for me but I guess I just missed out and am being really awful and judgey for stating the truth. Sorry!

OP has previous threads in which she is derogatory towards older women.

first, the thread was started against older mums, so you can't then be offended if "older mums" laugh at the ridiculous post

two, if many women had wanted to have kids young, they would have had them young. Nothing wrong with having different priorities, and chosing to have a life and secure a lifestyle before having to put your kids first once they arrive.

Why so many of these "young mums" so keen on getting their old life back if it's such a blast to have kids young?

When I was a young adult, my focus was on completing my further and higher education. I was mid-twenties by the time I graduated, then went out with a string of shit men until I met my now-husband in my late twenties. Because we wanted to ensure we moved in together before we started trying for a baby, I'm in my early-mid thirties with two children. I've always wanted to have children, it just took time to meet the right man.

Didn’t meet a man interested in having kids until I was 32. I would have liked to have them earlier. A lot of my friends in the same boat.
Now I’m 38, he’s 40, and our nursery fees are £2000 a month for one three year old child. With interest rates and cost of living how they are, I have to wait until she’s at school until I can (hopefully) have another, even though I’m on a high salary. I think finances play a huge part of it.

In which case they’d never have them !

Oh really? Damn, should have checked before

I still see quite a few mums in their 20s in the school playground so perhaps it's a case of who you know or keep in touch with.

I don't think it's phones though. When you look around and the price to rent a 1 bed flat is close to a grand (in a northern city) and a 2 bed often over, compared to the likely salaries of people in their twenties. It's hardly surprising really. Lots of people will prioritise career, travel, pets, saving a deposit etc. Having children is so expensive and the quality of lifestyle just isn't maintainable.

I would have said 10-15 years ago it was nowhere near as difficult.

Why are so many older mums desperate to put it off because they can’t imagine anything worse than changing nappies etc?

Despite being a parent for 9 years, it is clear that @Quietterry still has a lot of growing up to do

I’m mid-late 30s and im definitely not old! I met my husband at 13, qualified as a nurse at 21, saved for a mortgage and bought our house at 24 and married at 25.
unexplained infertility meant we didn’t welcome our child until we were 30!
people thought we were young getting married at 25 and we were the 1st out of our friends.

if we left school at 16 and went into full time employment then we prob would of had a mortgage and married earlier. I wouldn’t personally have a child out of marriage.

I think most women expect more from life now than just to become mothers, so that necessitates longer educations/more focus on their careers, which generally pushes realistic thoughts of starting a family into their 30s.

Ah, that makes more sense.

Birth in your 20s is the healthiest time for mother and baby. Society seems to wa t to fight against biology.

Bollocks. Waiting until you're qualified and established in the career you want, married and have bought a house? Thats why we waited until 30s.

“Just” become mothers?

Lots of people now want to build careers and buy a house before having kids, which is sensible. I had mine in my 30s and most others at baby groups were similar ages to me.

Feminism. It used to be normal for a man to spend 10 years to get a career and enough money to have a family, marry a wife 10 years younger than him who has only just become an adult and start a family. Now men and women can get a career etc and both marry 10 years or more later.

The push to having children later in life started long before phones (and, more relevantly, smart phones) were ubiquitous.

Smart phones may have had an impact on the dating scene and how people form relationships, but people are mainly avoiding having children because

1. it takes a lot more to get set up and financially stable in life now
2. there are a lot of interesting things you can do as young person (travel, festivals, university, etc.) that having a kid can make a lot more difficult
3. family planning is better than ever, there is no longer a significant vain of thought contraception for young or unmarried women is morally wrong, the NHS has been pushing long acting contraception that means there are fewer accidental pregnancies, and abortion has become more accessible and
4. people are a lot more aware of the negative impact on children of having them young. Teens are told in many ways, from many sources, that having a child young is a bad idea and that message affects behaviour.