Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I literally was doing the maths on this. My granny was born in 1922 and had her first child in 1948 so was 26. So had 3 before 1955 and 6 after that. My mammy had two kids my and bro she was born in 1961 my bro 1986 and my 88 so 25 and 27. I was 34 when I had my girl and im one done. No phones for any genetation before me. My mam was the youngest in her family to have kids. My cousins are younger by 2 years on her side and aunts older.

generally enjoying life before children.
That makes me smile, I remember 50+ years agi hearig my mother and MIL wondering when we would have children, we'd been married about 6 years, and my mother very tersely told MIL They won't have children, they're enjoying themselves to much! How very dare we!
When we eventually got round to it I was 28 and classed as elderly primigravida, just checking the spelling of that shows that nowadays the age for that delightful appendage is 35+.
Lots of reasons being given for the shift upwards and I've not read every post but as well as economic, education reasons etc there is also now easy access to termination, that was just starting to be more easily available to the end of the 70s, I wonder how many of those who had a shotgun wedding as they were called would have done so had there been that alternative?

@Quietterry genuine question. Do you only have one DC, and if so why have you not had more since?

could it be for the reasons others have not started that you have not continued to have more children by 25?

To add: my sister had her first at 17, second at 28.

I had my first at 28, second at 36.

My brother had his first at 31.

I wish I had mine younger. I was 30 and 35. I think being young and energetic is quite beneficial to deal with sleepless nights and bouncing toddlers.
I think people are finding it hard to find the right peron to have them with to start with.
In my mums day she said there was a lot of pressure to have them early.
Now women have more choices too.
Women couldnt get morrtgages until 1975. So you kind of had to have a man to have a house then family was a natural next step.

My mum had her first in 1958, at the age of 26. And she always worked full time, apart from whatever maternity leave in the UK was like back then.

You had a child incredibly young. Most people dont want to. I am 45 amd the average age of Most people i know to start having kids was mud 30s. We all knew could travel, have careers so did that. Only 2 girls from my school year had kids at 16. Both came from dysfunctional backgrounds

This is the thing. I could cope with a baby at 38/40 but a teenager at 53/58 really really not so much. Plus if you’re lucky you often have your own parents around to help when you are a younger parent . By the time I was 55 I was caring for my remaining parent.

It's not about phones. The ave age for motherhood has been getting higher and higher for over 4 decades. For multiple reasons most due to women more and more having the choice to do what men have done for decades...get an education, seek work, develop careers, achieve financial security, enjoy autonomy and not to assume the caring duties of motherhood until they are both ready in themselves and with a suitable partner.

Why do you create frequent threads about being a mum at 16?

In that 9 years you've been waiting for ypur friends to "catch up", surely most of your friends have had another 2 years of compulsory schooling, plus most will have done 3-4 years at university (longer if Masters or Doctorate needed), potentially post-grad education course if needed for their chosen career. Then they need to get cracking with said career, often requiring long hours at the grindstone, or travelling to enjoy their care-free lives, and finding a partner. At your age I was at the post-grad course stage. My friends have been mostly similar. By the time I had my children in my early 30s, I was settled in relationship, property and career, which has given me far more flexibility, choices and time than had I had my children very young.

So most of my friends are all chasing careers.
then others know that kids come with huge responsibilities so lots are postponing until they have their homes, jobs and travelling as much as possible. They’re now all early 30s and I think most will have their first baby at 35. I think travelling and living life is a BIG one

I didn’t have my first until I was 32. I was too busy travelling and living all over the world and going to uni and getting an MSc and then a PhD for babies before then. It was great!

@Quietterry I'm 50 and was the youngest off all my friends to have kids - aged 28.
You are unusual in having kids so young rather than others being unusual.
Nothing to do with phones - my first smart phone was many years after having kids. I was busy studying then travelling then working.

The honest answer I think is just that times have changed. I’m 27 & had my first baby at 25, lots of my friends did roughly the same with others now planning to ttc. It took us until that age to

1. Buy houses
2. Get married
3. Get good jobs with good maternity packages
4. Get a good financial buffer so that we didn’t have to stress

I have friends still working towards that now to have their babies, my sister is thinking about babies now she is nearly 25 and working towards the same.

Is it really hard to work out why? I had my first at 21 and 2nd at 24 btw but I am the youngest first time parent amongst my siblings and cousins. I’m now 40ish and remember being young and daft and thinking I was old at 25. But it really isn’t. I’m glad more people are living a bit before settling down to raise families. I hope my own kids don’t make me a gran anytime soon.

You keep saying about phones and socialising but that’s simply not true and saying it loads of times isn’t going to make it true.

People have told you why, there’s also lots of studies on it.

Critical thinking skills are often developed later in education and I think we should celebrate women having careers, education, freedom and choice. That’s very hard to accomplish when having children in your childhood and early adulthood. I think late 20s is the ideal time to start.

No disrespect but how did you manage at 16 with housing and money? Was it possible you were funded by the tax payer which is the only way I can see it being feasible. That’s not meant to be mean but it’s highly unlikely you didn’t rely on the state somehow.

A lot of people (especially women) will wait until they have a career, decent partner, maternity package, savings etc to have children. Local authority housing and state funding is barely enough to get by and a lot of people would rather not risk bringing children into that.

I don’t believe it’s all due to new age freedoms we have, I think a lot of us wait until it makes economical sense. I’m a bit tired of the low birth rate being blamed on women partying or going on holidays when most women I know have waited purely for financial reasons. I know a few in my peer group (30s) who can’t have more than 1 child due to living in a ridiculously expensive pokey 2 bed and unable to afford childcare as it is.

So no - it’s not phones.

I think I’d prefer my child to just scroll than the upshot of you and your boyfriend being together at 16 ie a baby!

25 is so young where I am on the outskirts of London.

at 25, I was finishing up my graduate training, in a good well paid job, in a house share in zone 2 London and honestly having the time of my life!!

Thanks. My dsis thought I was mad but it's just how it turned out. I think I was quite lucky with timings and everything came together right.

What age would you ideally like your child to have their first baby @Quietterry ?

I'm a married 22 year old with 2 kids. I'm very happy, but I can see why most people my age aren't doing this! I don't think it's because of phones.

The vast majority of people were not having kids at 16, even 20 - 30 years ago. Teenage pregnancies were already unusual in the 80 and 90s.

@Quietterry I don't mean disrespect as there can be very good, very young parents but having a baby at 16 has been an outlier for quite a long time now. You know that.

Yes, at one point marriage/kids by mid twenties is usual for many, but society has changed, financially especially. I don't think it has anything to do with phone useage.

never met the right man, couldn’t afford a child
had a termination at 32 because of finances
diagnosed with stage 4 endo and now 42 so couldn’t have one if I wanted one