Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

25 is still very young. I had my first at 23 and second at 24, that was 23 years ago now but I look back and realise how young I was. My now 23 year old daughter wants to live more of her own life before she has kids and I think all kudos to her. Once you have kids then you have them for the rest of your life, and although they are the best thing I have ever done, they are the hardest, so I fully support her decision to keep her freedom and live her own life for now. I would recommend her choice over mine, not because I don’t love my kids, but just because you give up your freedom so young otherwise.

They were “unusual” in the 30s/40/50//60/70/80/90 and so on

not sure that the op is on about. 16 hasn’t been regarded as anything aside from- young mum and a very young mum at that for many many decades

Well I can't speak for anyone else but I simply didn't meet anyone who was interested in having a family until my 30's. I'm a slight outlier, my friends were 26/27/28 when they met their partners and started their families at 29/30 ish. I imagine though that (lack of) financial stability has a lot to do with it these days. High cost of housing, childcare, general cost of living and the jobs market is awful (at least right now). If you don't feel secure, you probably don't want to bring children into the mix and I can't say that I blame them. I do wonder if social media has contributed in forming unrealistic expectations in finding a partner and what they might be like, and we may also be more isolated than previously - maybe partly due to our phones but again it's expensive to go out to socialise, expensive to go to university (where you might meet your partner) and if you struggle to find a job that's another avenue closed to meet someone. I imagine housing and general insecurity re jobs etc is the bigger factor though. If you don't feel secure and can't see things improving having children must feel like a bad idea.

My dad was 30 when I was born, and I was in my 30s when I had DD, he is, firstly, not in his 80s (maths) and secondly, a very active grandparent. Moreso than my mum, who has problems with her joints, and was early 20s when I was born.

DHs dad was closer to 40 when DH was born, and DH was in his 40s when we had DD. He is in his 80s and yet is still a much more active grandparent than my friends much younger dad.

Those younger parents could have health issues that stop them being active grandparents. The older ones might be very active and healthy. Especially if they are aware they'll be older and look after themselves to compensate.

Having children younger doesn't guarantee a healthy later life.

My daughter is 25 and doesn't want kids yet. She wants to buy a bigger house first, wait for her boyfriend to have more experience in his career so he can get promoted, and enjoy being young - go on holidays, trips away, be selfish, buy what she wants, make the most of her freedom

I don't think it's strange at all that most people don't have kids at that age. Women have much more choice now and being married with kids, and out of paid work, is not their only option

My grandmother had her first child at 27 and my mum had her first (me) at 26 and in both cases that was fairly normal in their social circles. I’m 42 so I think my mother’s generation was the one before your mother’s. I would have thought 25 years ago that your mom and her friends were already the outliers. I don’t see what the rush to have children before 30 is?

The average age of women having kids in the UK is 32. Women are now having a
Careers before having kids.

Peoeple are questioning what you say becuase you're talking about The Past like your parents were Baby Boomers, pre the pill. Presumably though they're late Gen X at the oldest, or early Millenials. They are my peers and no, it definitely wasn't the norm in the late 90s/ early 00s for people to have kids by 25. I think I know one person who did and most people were politely horrifed for her. Most of my peers were having their kids at the same time you were, but when they were in their mid to late 30s and had bought properties & established successful careers first.

It depends on education. Most of my friend circle had babies early 20s I was 26. None of us went to uni, we all had jobs and a mortgage though. The thought of having a baby now at 40 is awful, I'm tired as it is. My friend who had a child at 20 got a degree later in life and has a really good job. Having children young does not stop you doing things later in life and you have the benefit of not being a knackered old fart when your child is young.

No, people are giving you actual statistics that disprove what you're saying, and you're refusing to listen.

You are right, people are having kids later than they used to.

I think what's strange is you questioning that fact/not understanding it. You yourself are the outlier having a baby at 16 and you would have been an outlier 25 years ago and 45 years ago. Yes, teen pregnancy happens but it has never been the "norm" to have a baby as a teenager.

I'm 10 years older than you about to have my first baby as are the majority of my friends, my mum started having kids in the 80s when she was 30 and was always a similar age to my classmates parents.

I think your perspective is just skewed. As for people not having kids due to being on their phones - that is just laughable. I have two nieces who are 14 who are absolutely boy crazy and who we unfortunately suspect is already sexually active and think teens again unfortunately are actually more likely to be sexually active earlier than in the past, teen pregnancy rates have largely declined due to education and access to contraception.

I'm 54 with a 16 year old. None of my friends were under 35 when they had their first child. When I think of my child's friends parents, they are all similar ages to me or at least late 40's. Definitely nothing to do with 'phones.

Hilarious, that you think it’s something to do with phones and that you are “no longer a spring chicken” at aged 25! Only a spring chicken could be so naive.

The age at which women have their first child has been steadily rising over many many years, nothing to do with smartphones. You being pregnant at 15 or 16 was the anomaly not the norm. In my generational friendship group (I’m almost twice your age) no one was having kids at 25 let alone at 16.

I was 27 when I had my first and that feels young now.
I don't think it's got anything to do with phones, more to do with only just starting a career, not being able to afford a house etc.
My child graduated at 23, there is no way he wanted to be a parent at 25.

I have watched that "underage and pregnant" that was aired years ago. Many of the boyfriends were at least 17+.

But you have your freedom from your 40 s onwards more or less.

Met my husband at 22 but we needed to save for a house deposit and a wedding before having children. It was very important to me I had a good foundation for children, and had some qualifications and an ok career. I was 31 when I had my first.

Lots of millennials parents divorced and it was traumatic so they want to be 100% sure about their partner, and sure they can afford to live alone if the worst happens.

Phones 😂

How about women choosing to have a life before settling down?

Uni and travel and partying and a career and just choosing yourself for a bit before becoming a Mum?

also, 'no spring chicken' at 25?! WTF?!!

Not to mention both World Wars having an effect on the average age people were marrying and having children (later rather than earlier, given the number of young men who didn’t return at all).

You answered your own questions
not everyone wants to live off benefits.

it’s mind blowing you think it’s weird others aren’t making the same life decisions as yourself. Not everyone wants to have kids while being a child themselves.

also I bet your child wasn’t planned and if you were to plan a child you wouldn’t be having them until your late 20s.

It’s not remotely surprising. The average age for a woman to have her first child in the UK now is 31. Most people now wait until their very late 20s or 30s so that they have established careers and a good income to cover childcare, some flexibility, secure and stable housing so that their children have stability, and obviously also to try to ensure they have enough life experience to have a reasonable prospect of choosing a good person to be their children’s other parent.

Disagree as I’m neither but live in the north

I don't think you are, as your comments reads very much as, "no, no, I did it right, you did it wrong, look at everything I was doing while you were wasting your life being a mother!!"

I couldn't give a toss what other people do with their lives tbh, but nothing pisses me off more than people judging others for what they do in theirs. As if people who wait until their 30s+ to have kids are such better people for doing so.

Almost every comment here is suggesting 20s are for travelling and working every waking hour and yadayadayada. Not everybody does that, not everybody wants to do that, not everybody has the opportunity to do that and for so many reasons.

Everybody implying your 20s are wasted if you choose to have kids instead of sink alcohol and go all over the world. Was quite happy being a mother at that age and love it now. I would hate to be 40+ with a toddler, but that's just me. I don't go out of my way to try and make those that do choose to do that feel bad, by saying their parents are failures because that's the age they chose to have kids, as one PP has stated. I swear to god some women are so strange. If other people dont agree with everything they say and do everything the same as them they go on a condescending insult rampage. Weird as fuck.

I think 25 is still younger than most women aim to have dc. It's young to have the sort of financial and relationship stability most parents aim for.

I wanted to buy a house and establish a career with benefits before I got pregnant. I think that's quite common, so late 20s and early 30s are a popular age to get pregnant.

That's not to say there's any reason women can do it differently if it suits them better, but I do think teen pregnancy isn't ideal for most mums.

But OP you are conflating finding a partner and having babies. You're saying that you think phones are to blame for people having babies later because people aren't meeting each other. But having a partner and starting a family are not the same thing. How many of your 200+ friends have a partner? Lots of them I should think.
Which would contradict your phone theory.
Those couples will have a myriad of reasons for not wanting to start a family yet, but I imagine finances will be the main reason.