Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

psml: had a teenage pregnancy but sitting on her high horse judging people for sitting on their phones

🤣

And her main role was to squeeze out a couple of kids

One of my friends had a baby at 17. The next person I knew that had a baby was 27. Then after that it was me at 34.

I was married at 26 and did not want to have a baby then for the pure reason I did not want to. Why would I? I wanted to travel (which I did, all over the world), enjoyed my job, going out with friends and having a disposable income. Being on my phone had nothing to do with it. If anything travelling, working and having fun with friends is the opposite of being on my phone, and it is most likely true of other people too

Ikr 🤣🤣🤣

Women did have babies a lot younger in the past but it was several generations ago. My own mother, now in her 80’s had her children in her early 20’s as did a lot of her peers. Though I know at least two of her friends were in their early 30’s before marrying and having children. Back then, women mostly stopped working to be a SAHM but they were also a generation that re-joined the workforce at some stage during their children’s school years. At least my mother did. I know my mother resented having to give up work when she had children and if she had her life over, she would not have had children in her early 20’s. She was of an era when the majority of women ran the home and were expected to have the man’s dinner on the table when he got home from work and cater to his every need. Thankfully, she directed her children down a different path!

Easier access to contraception, in our area my daughters order via an app for postal delivery. Easily available from 16.

So much less pressure from family and society to 'settle down' 'not be left on the shelf'.

We also have a new generation of women coming through who are ask them selves 'if ' rather than when they want kids.

Less nightclubs and gig spaces, tighter controls on under age drinking. Less space for going out for just a random drink it's all about meals or more organized escape room type activities.

And probably least important but significant is talking to friends on line rather than actually meeting up in a pub and bumping into friends of friends.

Who said nobody wanted them? If that was the case you would have a termination

Because you are still at 25 way below the average age to have children

average is 33, in London it’s 35.

I’m your mums age. I haven’t got kids and a lot of my same aged friends also don’t have kids. We didn’t want them. Nothing to do with phones or social media.

It definitely was though 🤪

Cost of living mate - unless you’re in a good financial position, you shouldn’t be bringing a child into the world. HTH.

True!

At 25, a lot of your peers will really just be beginning their careers. Most people now stay on at school or college til 18 now, and post-18 the majority will still be training or in education (e.g. in an apprenticeship, at university). It's not uncommon for people to spend 4,5,6 or more years at university now either.

More than anything though it's the cost of housing and the fact there's a whole world of opportunity out there. People today - I feel - are better at realising their ambition: experiences, places to travel, friendships to forge etc. And that's before we even get to finding a suitable partner.

I'm almost 20 years older than you and all of the above was the case when I was 25. In the intervening two decades things have got more acute.

For my mother's generation - when having kids in your early 20s wasn't uncommon - there were comparatively fewer opportunities (especially for women) and certainly it was rare for people to spend so long in education.

Seriously? Most 16 year olds don’t want to have babies (thankfully).

I can't imagine how many experiences I would have missed out on if I'd been tied down with a baby at 25, let alone 16! I am now early 30's and only a couple of my friends have had babies/are pregnant! I am definitely still a "spring chicken", nobody I know had a baby or was even married at 25.

I had 2 children by 25 and 3 by 28 and most people I knew had at least one by then but I'm 37 now and I've noticed people have them later, I had my last one at 35 but I know a lot of people just started having their first at the same age I was having my last one.

OP I understand where you’re coming from feeling old when you’ve had kids young - I was a few weeks off turning 23 with my first and feel ancient at 41 now! 😆
I don’t think it’s to do with smartphones but more cost of living and young people prioritising themselves (appearance, holidays, lifestyle etc) It’s not the be all and end all if women procreate and even if they do want kids, it’s generally when they are older and have seen more of life.
I would do things differently now too although at same time I wouldn’t live the prospect of parenting teenagers being an older mum! 🙈

One of my close friends had hers at 20 & 22. I think she was genuinely shocked that no one else in our friendship group shortly followed suite. The rest of us had all had children in our 30s - so have young children/ toddlers/ babies and she now has teenagers.

Reasons for having them later - mostly financial. I wanted my own home (live in London so needed a big deposit and to be able to afford the mortgage whilst paying for childcare). I also enjoyed having time just with my partner in my 20s - we had 12 years of holidays and fun before serious commitments. Love being a mum but it’s tough financially and I just couldn’t have managed any earlier!

Wait..... I think this is the poster who had a huge chip on her shoulder about having her kid young !! Her last thread was about how older women having IVF shouldn't use the NHS as they are hippocrites about her being a young mum

And to add, maybe ‘phones’ and social media have played a part in showing women that there is a life out there to live that doesn’t include having babies in their teens/early 20’s. Maybe social media has encouraged women to be empowered and think of careers and financial independence. Encouraged them to perhaps see there’s a whole wide world out there to explore and fun to be had.

I didn’t have my kid until I was 31. I was hyper focussed on my career - did a levels, an art foundation, a degree, then spent a good many years touring the country doing the job I trained for. It was great.

Im glad I did it this way. If I had had kids with the person I was with at 16 my life would be a mess.

Not saying it doesn’t work for people at that age or it’s a bad thing to have kids at that age. But personally I’m glad how my life has worked out! And no, the reason was not because I was glued to a phone.

My mum's 69 and had her first at 21, but has told me she was the only one of her friends with a baby. She didn't have her second (me) until she was 31. Growing up, all of her friends kids were around my age, so they all had kids around that age.

On the phone thing, I feel the mobile phone has actually widened my girls circle of friends, now in their 30’s they are still very close to childhood friends and are in contact and meet up with them regularly. And then meet new friends through them. I feel the mobile has actually made it easier to keep in touch. Whereas I left school and I don’t think I’ve seen an old school friend since !

You’d feel you’d failed? That’s harsh!. I’m glad my kids grandparents didn’t feel like that ( both sets) Having my first at 23 ( DH was 27) didn’t hold us back, at all.