Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

My DD are 27 and all the people they know do not have kids. Most 25 year olds where I live are still living with their parents trying to save to buy somewhere to live and not even thinking about kids because it's unaffordable.

I had my first child at 20 so not a teen, but still pretty young. Respectfully, I don’t think it’s anything to do with phones. People just have far more options now, and many choose to wait until they feel properly ready. That might be finding the right partner, getting further in their career, buying a house, or just wanting more stability first.

On top of that, the cost of living, job insecurity and how hard it is to get on the property ladder mean a lot of people have to wait longer to feel ready.

I personally love being a young mum. I’m in my late thirties now with a teenager, and I really value the bond it gave us, plus the freedom I have now that my kids are older while I’m still relatively young. But I’m also very aware that things worked out for me more by luck than planning. I’d definitely encourage my own children to wait until they feel ready, rather than take the risks that come with having kids very young.

Times change, I’m a lot older than you and had my first at 25 and felt completely ready. Most of my contemporaries were that age too. My mum had me at 40 and this was considered very old at the time! I think it’s not so much how old someone is that is important, but if they are mature enough to bring a child into the world.

How old is your mother?

@worldshottestmom

Well, you were very lucky to find the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with so early, in addition to being financially ready to start having children, and knew it was what you wanted to do at that time in life.

At 24 I was just finishing my postgraduate degree and starting my career. At 26 I was living in London in a high pressure career, and spending my free time travelling all over the world with friends. At 28 I was ready to think about looking for a long term partner. At 31, I found that person, took another couple of years to get married as we were living in different countries at the time, and then another couple of years to be settled enough to have a baby.

I loved my 20s though - so I'm not jealous of people who had babies in their 20s. I am happy for them, if that's what they chose.

@Quietterry

It is economic and change in social norms.

In your mother's generation, less people went to university. It was relatively easy to get a job straight from leaving school at 16.

That meant people were able to be independent at a younger age- financially and socially. Naturally they would then move out at younger ages.

Now, its hard to even get a first job. More young people are staying in education to try and improve their job prospects and future salaries. A lot of people cant afford to move out of their parents home, or live in shared houses.

By the time they are in a position to be truly independent and have some disposable income, they are likely to be in their mid 20s. So realistically, going to have 5+ years having fun.

I dont think many people plan families when they are living in their parents homes or shared houses, and cant afford to look after themselves because they aren't in work or have a decent salary (single or combined with partner).

I don’t think this is true though. I’m probably older than your mum (53) and no one I knew had children at 25. Most people I knew started having them in their early to mid 30s.

Not everyone wants kids, it's more normalised than ever to be able to say I don't want kids without a stigma around it, especially as a woman.

Most people haven't met the person they want to have kids with by 25.

Many 25 year olds are still stuck living with their parents due to the cost of living. No one wants to bring kids into an already cramped house.

There are many many reasons people haven't had kids yet at 25. It's still very young, there's plenty of time for kids later.

Benefits I believe.

Well I think it depends how far back in the past and is highly dependent on education/social circles. Higher educational attainment is correlated to having a first child at a later age. So if you did a 3 year degree and a training scheme or post-grad degree, you would likely have been surrounded by other people doing the same. I'm your parents' age (or a bit older), met my husband at uni, we got married at 26 but didn't have our first until we were 31 - we were busy working our way up at city law firms - and we were the first of any of our friends or similar aged colleagues.

It is and it isn't, I'm 43, my mum had my eldest brother at 25 and was fairly typical of her time. Among my friends some had kids as teens this was very frowned upon, some had kids early 20s, still a bit controversial, 25+ was a bit more normal, 30 most of us were starting to try. And as I say, I'm 43. 25 would have made you one of the youngest of my peers

I was only a couple of years in to my career at 25. I'd been with dh 1 year. I didn't want kids to fuck it up. I also knew I wanted to be around 30 before kids. This was roughly 20 years ago.

I was the first along my actual school friends to have kids.

I didn't have my first until I was 30, I have regrets about that but we were surviving in our 20s and neither of us had nice childhoods so in ways I'm glad because we worked on ourselves first. Still if I had my time again, and could have my exact children again, I would have had them younger.

No because there's a cap on how old people can be having kids, biologically speaking rates drop off massively at 40.

Teen pregnancies used to drag the averages down a lot and those have reduced a lot.

I was born in the 80s. My mother and most of her peer group had their first child at 28-30, as did MiL. I think your mothers circle were less common in all having children by aged 25.

Princess Diana was 21 when she had William. I'm sure if it was that unusual for the times, there would have been something said about it back then. We are having children later in life, yes.

I'm in my fifties and don't know anyone from my circle of friends who had children before their early thirties. Not a single one. Most waited until their mid to late thirties.

We are all educated to at least first degree level and have good careers plus we have all travelled widely and bought our own homes. I guess that is your answer - it's not feasible to establish all that by 25.

I wouldn't have wanted to have children without a bit of experience of life under my belt and I sincerely hope my daughter does the same.

FWIW my mum had two children in her early twenties and then two more later in life (late thirties and early forties). She says she was a much better mother as an older mother rather than as a young woman. Yes, maybe partly to do with experience but also she says she would not advise anyone to have children as early as she did. She thinks just being older made a positive difference to her parenting.

Well because 25 is still very young. If you think by the time you've finished a degree, post graduate studies for some/first steps on the career ladder - you are already 22/23.

So I am not suprised many people aged 25 have not had children yet!

I was barely an adult at 25.

This!
I am also double the OPs age too and had my kids in my early 20s (28 years ago) none of my friends had kids. When my DDs were in school the vast majority of their friends parents were 10+ years older than me. I don’t even think most of my mum’s friends had kids when she had me at 22 in 1975!
I am also educated to degree level, (got pregnant in my final year of uni)

I had mine between 23 and 27. It worked out well for us. First was a happy surprise. I’ve enjoyed being ‘free’ from my mid 40s and like being a nana now when i am still young enough to have the energy to enjoy them and help out. It absolutely didn’t hurt my career. We had alot of fun , our parents were young enough to babysit or pick them uo from school when needed ( and more than happy to do it )travelled loads and most importantly I had hormonal breast cancer in my early 30s so would probably never risked having kids after that.

I'm 35 and due my first in a few weeks... at 25 I had only finished uni a couple of years earlier, was trying to establish a career and qualify into my profession and earn enough money to buy a house. I didn't have the time or money for kids, my priority was getting myself set up and also enjoying myself for a bit. I was far too selfish to have kids at that point, I wouldn't have been a good mum. Now I feel much better prepared and ready to be a parent, albeit I wish I had the energy I did when I was 25 🤣

The average age of first time mothers rose above 25 in 1983, and by 2001 it was 26.6, so it's not quite true to say that most of your parents generation has had kids by the age you are now. The average age of a first time mother is close to 30 now, so you need to wait another five years for the majority of your peers to have their first child. That age is rising because of advances in fertility treatments, more women pursuing higher education and changes in attitudes around careers and the rising cost of child-rearing/the cost of living.

I would say 25 is too young to have a child.

I am in your parents generation I imagine (55) and plenty of my contemporaries either didn’t have children or didn’t have them until much later.

It seems a bit off to judge people for the age they have a child, given that I imagine you don’t want them judging you for your choices?

As far as I can see (very quick search) the average age for first time motherhood in the UK in 1981 was closer to 27, so she was unusual. But surely she was chosen in large part because she was young, willing and likely fertile?

And the freedom to not have them at all of course