I’ve been accused of stealing £20

[letmeletgo]

I babysat for a family member at the weekend. One of the kids had to go to an extracurricular and there was £100 on the side for tickets to a show - I was asked to hand it over to the child’s lift.

I did, went about my day. The tickets weren’t available for purchase and I was handed back the cash. I put it back on the side for said family member and that was the end of it.

It’s now come about that £20 of the cash is missing. I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. I paid for the takeaway by card and showed them that, it seems to have quieted them down a little but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a thief. Never have been, never would be.

AIBU to say if they have that little trust in me, I’ll not babysit again?

Personally, I'd shrug it off now - I agree it is an accusation of using the money, but you didn't and you have proved that to them. End of story.

Next time they need a babysitter you are just not available.

I got there at midday, left about 1am.

I am HORRIFIED that they don’t express that they wholeheartedly hoped you had bought your takeaway with their money.

Are you a close family member?

The OP gave the actual wording of the message and it is slightly different to the OP's rewording.

I didn't think the actual message was an accusation, rather that the family member was trying to work out what happened to the £20.

It was only you, the other parent or kids.

You say there’s no way the kids could have taken it and so it only leaves you and the other parent.

It’s reasonable to check that you didn’t use it first.

However, if you do think they are accusing you then just don’t babysit anymore.

Wow that’s crazy they’d think you’d be so brazen as to steal £20 like that. And very unkind to accost you over it especially as they didn’t pay you to babysit!

YANBU to feel hurt, whether or not there are mitigating circumstances is only something you’d know - eg are they under a lot of pressure due to finances, work, health etc that’s made them snap without meaning to. Hopefully they think it through and apologise.

There is another option which is that the ops family miscounted and left 80 months n the first place

Then they have been pretty insensitive. Sending a message like that without qualifying it is very unwise as it is extremely open to various interpretations as we have seen on this thread.( I wonder if there was any earlier text thanking the op effusively for doing a huge free babysit. She may feel very taken for granted.)

Well I would say that ends the babysitting relationship. Hope they apologise to you!

Presumably you have babysat before and if you have no history of being a thief then l would tell them you are deeply offended and you will not be babysitting again

You babysat for 13 hours unpaid and had to pay for your own food, and now they have suggested you took £20 without asking/ telling them and you've had to show your bill as proof. WTF. That is the very last time I'd be speaking to them never mind babysitting.

You are kidding! They didn't leave you any food or means to buy any for a 13-hour stretch??

How closely are you related to them?

You still think it was okay for them to question her about taking the money knowing she was there 13 hours unpaid, with no meal provided?

Oh I agree no payment/gift/food is appalling I wouldn’t babysit on those terms for that length of time.
But I view it more as “oh there’s only £80 here I wonder if op used £20 for a takeaway “ than “oh my god the op stole £20 from us.”

Agree. The thread on here about the lady whose engagement ring went missing is a salutary lesson in not jumping to conclusions.

Just be unavailable for them now. No need for a confrontation. Let them work it out for themselves.

Then why did she have to show them her bank transaction for the takeaway to prove she didn't take it?

No not your 'job' but (as your example shows) it's better to check when handing out or receiving cash. If they miscounted and only left £80 or the other parent handed you back £80 instead of £100 you could have spotted it and avoided being caught up in this.

I am going to hazard a guess and say you babysat for a sibling . If you don’t have DC then it is assumed you are available .
Been there !!

She didn’t say she had to but said she did this. What was their response? That would be a good indicator as to whether they were more along the lines of accusing rather than info gathering. If I were them, I’d be mortified that my mother/sister or whatever the relationship is felt she had to give evidence that she hadn’t stolen because of how I’d worded my info gathering text.

It makes zero sense that you would baby sit for free and then steal £20.

If you wanted your takeaway covered you could have easily asked and it would if no way be an unreasonable request.

I wouldn't be babysitting again and also would decline any future request from friends/family to be a third party for handing over money between people.

Agree. And obviously never take care of their children again. Ridiculous that they're quibbling over 20 quid when they had free baby-sitting. Fuck that.

They were absolutely accusing you. Interested to know why posters are turning themselves inside out to say otherwise, especially when this couple were skanky enough to not pay OP for babysitting anyway, or at the very least pay for her a takeaway.
No need to engage with them any further on the matter @letmeletgo but do not babysit for them again.

13 hrs with 2 children, well off family, you bought your own food and they didnt think to pay you then they accuse of theft. Erm yeah I would be giving them a wide berth.

and that is it? Surely they were just clarifying from you before then interrogating their children!

Guessing you and this family member have a fraught relationship at the best of times? And you babysit for them extensively? or this a one off?

No she isn't the only one who could have taken it, she handed it to someone else who then handed it back to her when they returned with the child after their activity. Whoever it got handed to could have also possibly taken it, either that or it was miscounted and there was always only £80 there not the £100 that they thought they had put aside