I’ve been accused of stealing £20

[letmeletgo]

I babysat for a family member at the weekend. One of the kids had to go to an extracurricular and there was £100 on the side for tickets to a show - I was asked to hand it over to the child’s lift.

I did, went about my day. The tickets weren’t available for purchase and I was handed back the cash. I put it back on the side for said family member and that was the end of it.

It’s now come about that £20 of the cash is missing. I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. I paid for the takeaway by card and showed them that, it seems to have quieted them down a little but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a thief. Never have been, never would be.

AIBU to say if they have that little trust in me, I’ll not babysit again?

Maybe she sent them the same message?

Deleted this message as it is under wrong question!

I think you missed the post with the exact wording “You gave £100 to X’s mum yesterday, we’ve counted this morning and there’s only £80 there. Did you use it for your takeaway?”

That to me reads that they are wondering where it went rather than accusing you.

I guess if they know you haven’t taken it then one of their kids did or the family didn’t hand it all back.

Maybe they are planning to accuse X’s mum of taking £20, next.

I'm afraid if I'd been providing some free service and then been accused of stealing money I'd never be providing that service again.

'Honestly Marjorie, if you think I'd steal twenty pounds from you then you'll not want me in your house again and I'll happily oblige. Good day to you madam'.

To me it’s an accusation. I’d never do that.

This is one of those situations where they should have spoken to you rather than messaged. That message does feel like they're accusing you, even if that wasn't their intention. YANBU to refuse to babysit for them in the future.

I would add a reply, “I would never take money like that. What do you take me for?? I didn’t check if you actually gave me £100 in the first place, nor did I check if the lift’s parent returned the whole amount to me. It’s one thing accusing me of stealing - all you’ve done here is deeply offended and alienated your free babysitter - it’s going to be far worse accusing another parent. Another time I suggest you would be better off putting the money in a sealed labelled envelope!”

@letmeletgo that message!!!! 😅😅😅😅
So terse!!! while vaguely neutral / not an outright accusation....it does not assume good intent and i would 100% read it as an accusation that lets you backpeddle.
I.e. we caught you stealing but here's an opportunity to repay us....

Obviously never babysit again.

Firstly they didnt even FEED YOU when you were babysitting for FREE. Rude.

Secondly - Our babysitter is £20 ph so even if you DID take it it would still be cheap at twice the price for them

That message though!!! 😅😅😅

It could in fact have been a badly worded inquiry rather than an accusation, given that the actual words used were “You gave £100 to X’s mum yesterday, we’ve counted this morning and there’s only £80 there. Did you use it for your takeaway?” Obviously it would be much more tactful to word it in terms of "Before we check further, we just wandered if you used it for your takeaway, we meant to leave you some money for that anyway" or something similar. But OP might be wise to ask if they meant it as an accusation before she starts a war.

I wouldn’t babysit for them again.

Definitely an accusation and pretty disrespectful for you to have to prove yourself by showing your card receipts. Did they not accept a "no I'm not a thief"? They don't fully trust you with their money. You shouldn't be looking after their kids or providing any more freebie services.

If they weren't accusing you of stealing, they would've worded it very differently, like 'We've noticed there's only £80 on the side. Did you check/remember X mum giving you the full amount back?' Instead they went straight in on 'Did you use take the money for your takeaway' – a clear inference that they think you nicked it.

I would refuse all requests for babysitting going forward, for the reason that they clearly don't trust you. The fact you babysat for free and they didn't give you any cash for food, or provide any food, is astounding anyway. Fine to babysit as an unpaid favour if it's family, but they should at least cough up for something to eat!

This- it sounds like an enquiry not an accusation

Were you babysitting for family ?
Just wondering why you weren’t paid?

Just noticed it was a family member. They should have left you some food at least or money for a takeaway !

The most likely thing is that the ops family miscounted and left £80 originally so if it were to have been counted by op it should have been with them before they left to check there was enough. I don’t think the op is responsible for counting the money back from their friend she presumably doesn’t know - they obviously trusted that person and it would have been a bit rude if they were doing them a favour.

I think it is normal for them to mention the missing £20 to the op as they are wondering what happened to it but they have phrased it a bit clumsily

Wow, seriously??

These entitled parents enjoyed FREE babysitting services, didn’t provide any food and you think the OP has some responsibility for checking their payment arrangements with A.N.Other?

Give your head a wobble.

They seem to be takers in many ways. Leaving an unsettled 2yo and a 5yo to an unpaid babysitter, not offering food, getting a school mum to buy tickets for them AND bring the cash back when they were sold out. All while they were out on the town.
And then accusing the easiest person (I assume you’re a close family member if you babysit free) of stealing. How arrogant.
Did they even check with the school mum “Have you got an extra £20 in your purse that you can’t account for, because we’re short that amount from the cash you gave back.”?

I’d say the OP now has the moral high ground but people like this wouldn’t recognise it. You’re not going to change them so choose to either cut ties or keep your distance for next few months. They’re bound to come asking for favours soon.

Why are you turning yourself inside out to justify this? I am curious.

It's really rude behaviour on their part, for many reasons.

They engaged OP as a babysitter but didn't pay anything.
They left her with money in an envelope and did not double count before they left. She was to pass it on to a 3rd party who is unrelated. She did that. And looked after their kids all evening. Left her no food. Which speaks to their character in general.

When the money was found to be short, rather than thinking "we must have miscounted and left £80" they started auditing the OP about her takeaway. Do you approach things in real life this way?

What if the parent of the other family mislaid the £20 - I use the word "mislaid" because "stole" is a pretty serious word.

Are you the family/parent? Because this is a really odd way to go about things in my opinion.

Rather than upset the person that you rely on for childcare would you not default to thinking that YOU made the mistake, then perhaps the other parent, before accusing the babysitter who is helping you out for free?

What a weird way to approach things.

And the only person who started "a war" as you put it is the parents of the children. She has a receipt to prove her takeaway - so what next? Who started the war? They did.

I am struggling to understand why you can't see this.

You cannot accuse people of theft at your whim and not expect a fall out.

So the person who took the 5yr old to the club-might they have paid for something there?

Most likely is that you didn't hand over £100 or you & they didn't hand it all back.

Honestly if they really think you took it they should have thought of it as a good price for what you've done & not asked you again!

You conveniently skipped over the word "suspicious".

5yr old could. Taken it to play shop or something.

Also for free babysitting I think they should have left another £20 for tea. If I babysit for family theres always a pizza in the fridge or something to heat up or take away ordered.

But if they dont trust you with £20 its wild to trust you with their kids. Dont help out again

Just for interest , how long did you babysit ?

Where they literally ask her if she used £20 for a takeaway.
ie took their money to get a takeaway. In other words stole it. It's an accusation.
And I agree with others, if someone is babysitting and there's no other sort of payment a takeaway is the least they could offer.