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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve been accused of stealing £20

314 replies

letmeletgo · Yesterday 06:55

I babysat for a family member at the weekend. One of the kids had to go to an extracurricular and there was £100 on the side for tickets to a show - I was asked to hand it over to the child’s lift.

I did, went about my day. The tickets weren’t available for purchase and I was handed back the cash. I put it back on the side for said family member and that was the end of it.

It’s now come about that £20 of the cash is missing. I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. I paid for the takeaway by card and showed them that, it seems to have quieted them down a little but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a thief. Never have been, never would be.

AIBU to say if they have that little trust in me, I’ll not babysit again?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · Yesterday 07:14

most likely it was them who miscounted. I wouldn’t be babysitting again. They should be paying for your takeaway given you’re babysitting for free.

AtlasPine · Yesterday 07:15

If they truly wanted to know if it had been spent by you before they approach the people who had the money, they should have worded it in a way which clearly said they’d have been thrilled if you’d spent it on a take away because it’s the least you deserve for looking after the kids for them but that they need to know this before the proceed with asking the other people.

Original poster
letmeletgo · Yesterday 07:17

Sartre · Yesterday 07:11

For the sake of £20, I’d have let this slide to save face personally. Now they’ve accused you it’s just plain awkward and they’ve lost themselves a babysitter.

This is what I thought. Obviously besides the point but they’re quite well off. It was a hot day, the other parent had three kids to get to this club and anything could’ve happened. The two year old was miserable as he’s not been sleeping, so it was all very chaotic.

OP posts:
Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 07:19

Are they members of your family you babysit for free for?
either way it’s a cheek
and they should in the very least pay for a takeaway if you’re babysitting! They’ve got a nerve I wouldn’t be doing that again!

5thchildso · Yesterday 07:20

The kids might not have stolen it but they could have taken it to play with/eat. A 5 year old absolutely could steal!

HoskinsChoice · Yesterday 07:23

letmeletgo · Yesterday 07:09

The kids are young - 2 and 5, so they can’t have stolen it.

Show quote history

A 5 year old can't steal?! Of course they can!

Original poster
letmeletgo · Yesterday 07:23

5thchildso · Yesterday 07:20

The kids might not have stolen it but they could have taken it to play with/eat. A 5 year old absolutely could steal!

I doubt it was the kids, they weren’t really in that area of the house. I think the most likely options are the parent has lost it or it was £80 to begin with

OP posts:
Cannedlaughter · Yesterday 07:24

Why are you babysitting for free? You looked after their children for free I assume as a one off favour and they didn’t even provide you with a meal? It’s time to stop helping them out.

Divebar2021 · Yesterday 07:24

I used to babysit for my brother when his kids were little and they wouldn’t pay me but they’d always get me a ready meal or have some kind of food available for me ( and usually chocolate etc ). These relatives of yours don’t actually sound very nice… I wouldn’t have been counting the money either and I wouldn’t be available to babysit for them again.

Soontobe60 · Yesterday 07:26

letmeletgo · Yesterday 07:09

The kids are young - 2 and 5, so they can’t have stolen it.

Show quote history

trust me, my 5 year old grandchildren would snaffle £20 and hide it somewhere in a heartbeat. They hide all sorts - passports, letters, purses, phones. They think it’s funny!

AltitudeCheck · Yesterday 07:28

They haven't accused you of stealing it. They've asked... presumably to rule you out (the person they trust with their kids!) before they blame the other parent for taking/ losing/ dropping a £20.

Put yourself in their position... if the £20 wasn't there, would you ask family member first, ask the other parent first or say nothing and accept £20 loss (and forever doubt them both!)

Wouldn't you prefer to ask the family member 1st (and hope they had used it for takeaway) before you have to ask the other parent and risk upsetting them?

Also, YABU not to check the amount given/ received any time you handle loose cash for exactly this reason! Ideally parents should have put it in a sealed envelope with £100 Johnny's School Trip on it!

Dollymylove · Yesterday 07:28

Babysitting for free AND being accused of stealing?
Nah, they can get in the bin 😡

ThejoyofNC · Yesterday 07:30

I'd be furious at the accusation and I'd tell them so. Along with the fact that they'd lost themselves a babysitter.

CocoaTea · Yesterday 07:30

Sartre · Yesterday 07:11

For the sake of £20, I’d have let this slide to save face personally. Now they’ve accused you it’s just plain awkward and they’ve lost themselves a babysitter.

Why would you let this slide? Genuinely curious.

I can’t understand being accused of theft when I didn’t do it and then “letting it slide”.

Original poster
letmeletgo · Yesterday 07:30

AltitudeCheck · Yesterday 07:28

They haven't accused you of stealing it. They've asked... presumably to rule you out (the person they trust with their kids!) before they blame the other parent for taking/ losing/ dropping a £20.

Put yourself in their position... if the £20 wasn't there, would you ask family member first, ask the other parent first or say nothing and accept £20 loss (and forever doubt them both!)

Wouldn't you prefer to ask the family member 1st (and hope they had used it for takeaway) before you have to ask the other parent and risk upsetting them?

Also, YABU not to check the amount given/ received any time you handle loose cash for exactly this reason! Ideally parents should have put it in a sealed envelope with £100 Johnny's School Trip on it!

It’s not my responsibility to check how much is there. My job was just to hand it over

OP posts:
AtlasPine · Yesterday 07:30

AltitudeCheck · Yesterday 07:28

They haven't accused you of stealing it. They've asked... presumably to rule you out (the person they trust with their kids!) before they blame the other parent for taking/ losing/ dropping a £20.

Put yourself in their position... if the £20 wasn't there, would you ask family member first, ask the other parent first or say nothing and accept £20 loss (and forever doubt them both!)

Wouldn't you prefer to ask the family member 1st (and hope they had used it for takeaway) before you have to ask the other parent and risk upsetting them?

Also, YABU not to check the amount given/ received any time you handle loose cash for exactly this reason! Ideally parents should have put it in a sealed envelope with £100 Johnny's School Trip on it!

You may be right but they’ve done it in a most insensitive way. They should have made it very clear ahead of time that the poster would have been really welcome to spend it on the takeaway, even say they hope she did have the food on them as she deserved that at the very least for babysitting.

AtlasPine · Yesterday 07:31

CocoaTea · Yesterday 07:30

Why would you let this slide? Genuinely curious.

I can’t understand being accused of theft when I didn’t do it and then “letting it slide”.

Show quote history

I think this means the parents should have let the missing £20 slide, not the poster let the accusation slide.

NaiceCupOTea · Yesterday 07:32

Have you asked them if they have asked the other parent who handled the cash yet?

jujitsugrant · Yesterday 07:34

This is disgusting, they didn't pay you, they didn't offer you a takeway and now they are accusing you of stealing. I'm usually an "ignore and just don't speak to them again person" but this is awful and I would message them same.

I have a 7,5 and2 year old and we always offer dinner we are giving kids or takeaway for when they are in bed and all the snacks and treats in the world AND pay my nieces who are late teens early twenties. Don't usually pay older relatives like my sisters as I do the same for them but always feed them and buy them a bottle of wine/voucher etc. Dont let yourself be treated this way.

anothernewname6789998212 · Yesterday 07:34

I certainly wouldn’t babysit for them ever again.

The most likely options are

  1. they miscounted when they put the money on the side to begin with and it was only ever £80

  2. other parent miscounted when it was given to them and believed it to be £80 they had to return, or miscounted it when returning it and didn’t realise because they already had cash of their own in their purse/wallet.

I’d also let them know that you were doing a free favour, and are astounded that they’d leave their young children with someone they evidently don’t even trust enough to not rob them of 20 quid.

Shinyandnew1 · Yesterday 07:35

I think if they’d told you £20 was missing and asked if you’d seen it, that was fair enough. Asking you if you’d used it to buy a takeaway with is just bloody rude!

Expecting you to babysit free is also rude.

Are they rude people? Do you feel taken advantage of? I certainly wouldn’t be doing them any more favours!

icannotlivelaughloveintheseconditions · Yesterday 07:36

It doesn’t sound like an accusation more them trying to locate the money. I’d have replied “no I paid on card” and left it at that.

CocoaTea · Yesterday 07:39

AltitudeCheck · Yesterday 07:28

They haven't accused you of stealing it. They've asked... presumably to rule you out (the person they trust with their kids!) before they blame the other parent for taking/ losing/ dropping a £20.

Put yourself in their position... if the £20 wasn't there, would you ask family member first, ask the other parent first or say nothing and accept £20 loss (and forever doubt them both!)

Wouldn't you prefer to ask the family member 1st (and hope they had used it for takeaway) before you have to ask the other parent and risk upsetting them?

Also, YABU not to check the amount given/ received any time you handle loose cash for exactly this reason! Ideally parents should have put it in a sealed envelope with £100 Johnny's School Trip on it!

“I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. ”

Mentioning her takeaway is a clear accusation - don’t be obtuse.

DopamineDeficient · Yesterday 07:41

Is this a relative of yours? Do you babysit often?

I wouldn't be doing so again!

Chattanoogachoo · Yesterday 07:41

You actually provided proof of your card purchase as if you were apprehended by the police. It really shocks me that you're trusted to provide care for their most precious and irreplaceable children but not enough to hand over and take back a small sum of money.
Please be more respectful of yourself.