I’ve been accused of stealing £20

[letmeletgo]

I babysat for a family member at the weekend. One of the kids had to go to an extracurricular and there was £100 on the side for tickets to a show - I was asked to hand it over to the child’s lift.

I did, went about my day. The tickets weren’t available for purchase and I was handed back the cash. I put it back on the side for said family member and that was the end of it.

It’s now come about that £20 of the cash is missing. I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. I paid for the takeaway by card and showed them that, it seems to have quieted them down a little but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a thief. Never have been, never would be.

AIBU to say if they have that little trust in me, I’ll not babysit again?

They have made clear they do believe you took it (for whatever reason), that much is obvious and there's been no apology for their mistake. Based on that you can safely assume they still think you took it, but cant prove you did so are saying nothing else.

The only thing I would do in this circumstance is make clear to them that I didn't take the money, am disappointed by their suggestion that I did and based on the complete lack of trust won't be babysitting again. No notice is required given they were taking advantage of you anyway.

Find someone who pays you OP.

It’s horrible, isn’t it! One of my neighbours used to regularly give me lifts when she saw me walking to town (1.75 mile walk). One day she stopped and asked if I had seen her purse on the dashboard when she had given me I lift the day before. I said no. I genuinely hadn’t. She drove off and never gave me a lift ever again. So I assume she thought I’d nicked it.

Well I presume even if it wasn't your responsibility to check how much you handed over, you should have checked how much was given back? But even so, why are you babysitting for free? Id be furious babysitting for free then being blamed for stealing money for a takeaway. They should at least cover the cost of a takeaway if you are babysitting for free.

Everyone’s saying you should’ve checked the money, but even if you’d noticed there was £20 missing at ANY point, they would still think OP had stolen it when she hadn’t.

I wouldn’t count it either. You did nothing wrong op. Don’t babysit for them again at least for the fact that they should have paid for your takeaway.

The more I think about this the stranger I find it that OP saw it as an accusation. She initially claimed they said it was 'suspicious' she had a takeaway but then in a follow up post she says the message read 'did you use it for your takeaway?"

That doesn't sound like an accusation to me at all, it sounds like they are trying to figure out where the money went or if it was 100 in the first place.

Do I think they were rude for not organising food for OP? Yes!

Do I think they were definitely accusing her? No!

So I would have to clarify -

"Hi, did you find out what happened to the 20?"
"What do you think happened to it?"
(If vague)
"I hope there is no suggestion of me taking it."
(If not gushing reassurance)
"I didn't take the money, I did you a massive favour and even though I paid for my own takeaway you should have offered. You didn't and now instead of apologising for that and thanking me you're being accusatory. I won't be doing you a favour again. You are ungrateful and completely out of line. "

I also struggle to see how it’s an accusation. If 20 quid was missing from my home I’d ask this question, to a relative, thinking they must have just used it and that’s where it’s gone. It wouldn’t bother me, I’d ask it to my husband and daughter and not think twice, nor would they see it as an accusation.

i really don’t understand the ops scorched earth approach, which can be a sign of guilt. As normal reaction would just be, no paid by card, didn’t see any of the kids move it either sorry didn’t count it when it was handed over. And not think more on it.

‘Must have just used it’ no, come on - that’s disingenuous.

Please tell me you don’t misunderstand the meaning of the word ‘stealing’ which is taking something that isn’t yours??

Of course it was an accusation.

Can you clarify what on earth you mean?

this is what was texted to the op “You gave £100 to X’s mum yesterday, we’ve counted this morning and there’s only £80 there. Did you use it for your takeaway”

for most people that’s a question, and not an accusation of theft. Where do you see the word stealing?

You really don't see that that question implies the theft of the missing £20?

You gave £100 to X’s mum yesterday, we’ve counted this morning and there’s only £80 there. [£20 is missing.]

Did you use it for your takeaway? [Did you use our money without our permission?]

You’re being obtuse, sorry. If a babysitter ‘used £20 for their takeaway’ , the only situation where that would not be considered theft would be if the babysitter had asked the person who the money belonged to if they could use it before they used it.

I really don’t see how you wouldn’t see that…

Taking something that doesn’t belong to you without asking is stealing. So if you accuse someone of doing this you are accusing them of stealing!

There is absolutely NOTHING to imply that they would have minded if OP used the money for a takeaway, this is the thing that people like you are failing to grasp, she is a family member, not just a random babysitter, why would they suspect someone who they trust enough to care for their kids regularly of stealing £20, over a school mum who has traipsed the money here there and everywhere where some of it could easily have got lost/stolen? It makes no sense.

If I was OP, I would assume that they were suspecting the lift mum of not giving back the correct amount, so they wanted to know for sure before asking that it hadn't been used elsewhere, there's nothing in that message to imply they are angry or accusing her of doing something she shouldn't, which is why they have mentioned the food specifically, they know she wouldn't have stolen it, but it is a possible obviously that she may have used it to get food, so they need to check before going any further or perhaps not trusting the school run mum with money again.

How stupid would they look if they asked the lift mum (who is doing OP & them a big favour apparently), and it turned out OP had just used some to get food in!

The fact they felt more comfortable accusing family first doesn't make it not an accusation. Stealing is taking something without permission, they asked her if she took £20 without permission and spent it on her takeaway. That is all. That they might not have minded (where has this come from, that's not from the OP?) doesn't change the fact they have asked her if she stole their money to pay for her food.
They decided she took the 20 quid spent it, didn't mention it, but they caught her because "Aha how did you pay for your takeaway" aren't they clever. Drop them, they are users and so cheeky with it.

They just said did you use it for a takeaway, it’s a fair question and would have solved the issue. Calm down

How is it a fair question? Why would anyone help themselves to someone else’s money and expect it to be ok because it was to pay for a takeaway?!
Bizarre.

If OP had used the £20 for a takeaway I imagine she would have told them that. So they were certainly accusing her of at least being thoughtless and they've implied she took it without their consent as they didnt offer to pay for a takeaway. I might not initially have taken it as an accusation but when I thought it over I would.

Understandable if OP was feeling aggrieved before the message is they didnt pay her and either leave food for her as well as the kids or leave money for a takeaway.

Pretty weird these days to be handing cash to anyone, you'd normally just transfer the money.

lol you don’t even know her, you’re acting like she’s your Bessie and you’ve known her years. Very easy to forget to mention especially if late or rushing off 😂

I hope she wasnt "rushing off" and that they had the decency to give her a bed for the night or if that was not possible drove her home.

To the pool? They can afford £20 by the sound of whatever happened to it. I believe you though, none of it was your responsibility either to count it before or after. They've probably miscounted in the first place or the notes got stuck together. These new notes are bad for that.

Eh yeah I’m sure of that too,

So they have a swimming pool. Ask you to babysit for free and then accuse you of nicking £20.
😮😮😮
What relation are you to them ?

OP if they do ask you to babysit remind them that if they can't trust you with their money then what makes them think you should look after their kids. They've got a cheek in the first place to expect you to babysit their kids for 13hours without at least thinking that you needed to eat in that time. They could have left you food or some money for a takeaway once their kids were in bed if they weren't planning to pay you for your time.. then to insult you by accusing you of stealing from them is absolutely cheeky of them..they had you watch their kids all day for nothing you did them a favour and if that friend didn't take the kid to their activity it would have been left to you to do it with all of their kids dragged along to it also. I think this family member needs to learn some gratitude and to actually thank you appropriately for looking after their kids rather than sit there accusing you of thieving from them, I honestly wouldn't do them any more favours after that