I’ve been accused of stealing £20

[letmeletgo]

I babysat for a family member at the weekend. One of the kids had to go to an extracurricular and there was £100 on the side for tickets to a show - I was asked to hand it over to the child’s lift.

I did, went about my day. The tickets weren’t available for purchase and I was handed back the cash. I put it back on the side for said family member and that was the end of it.

It’s now come about that £20 of the cash is missing. I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. I paid for the takeaway by card and showed them that, it seems to have quieted them down a little but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a thief. Never have been, never would be.

AIBU to say if they have that little trust in me, I’ll not babysit again?

I’ll go against the grain. I don’t think they are accusing you of stealing, OP. I think they were just trying to eliminate the possibility that you used the £20 for much-needed food before confronting the knotty problem of whether the other mum had retained it, either accidentally or on purpose.

they were ungracious and brusque (I would have said that you were very welcome e to the takeaway, and I’d reimburse you for it) but I do t think they think you pocketed £20

The op handed to someone else, who then must have put it somewhere or given it to someone to hold while they drove to said extra curricular, taken it out to buy the tickets that weren’t available and brought it back to the op. How is that only the op who could have stolen it? That’s without taking into account it may have been miscounted in the first place and was left on the side before the op even picked it up to hand to someone else.

You aren’t going against the grain
loads of us have said this

Why should she need to pre-empt being accused of stealing by relatives for whom she's doing a massive, unpaid favour, and one that I imagine she has done before with no incident? She's done nothing wrong but be naive in thinking her, kindness, good will and trust was reciprocated by these people.

Very, very poor treatment of you. I hope you don't do them any more favours. Absolutely awful.

My first thought was the kids. My friend's five year old took money out of her sister's purse.

It’s really awful and I do feel for you, OP. I’d be absolutely furious. But.. the mention as to whether the children could have taken it reminds me of my DS when he was 6. We’d not long got home from USA and he asked for a “ dollar bill” to play with whilst he was making snowflake decorations and I was cooking and trying to reply to emails.... To get some peace I went “ Yeh, fine”, and off he went, happily using those children’s plastic safety scissors crafting away.
Then he proudly brought his amazing snowflake to show me! In the middle….. A PURPLE QUEEN’S HEAD!!! And, to decorate the snowflake was lots of purple confetti!!….
…. yup, he’d not chopped up a $1 note…….🙀😹🙀….!!….
Certainly taught me not to bat him away in future!

I hope it works out for you, OP. Nothing less than a grovelling apology accepted here, just to even to be able to tolerate being around them again!

Maybe the other Mum used the £20 for wherever she took the child.

My assumption is they are close family members having babysat for 13 yrs as a Freebie?

Obviously this can create other problems if you refuse to babysit in the future

I don’t think you are unreasonable to not babysit again.

However, in their position, I would also have asked you about it. £20 is missing, they are trying to find it.

I also don’t see this as an accusation of theft. They simply asked if you used it for the takeaway, you may well have said yes.

This all goes to show that we’re losing touch with how to handle cash.

I’m 58 and any cash payment (baby or dog sitter, whip-round collection, subs, school trips) goes in a sealed envelope with the name and amount written on it, or at least a paper clip and a note attached. The receiver is invited to open it and count it. Teachers were relieved to have the kid’s name and amount clearly visible.

Leaving notes in a pile is asking for a gust of wind to blow them away or kids to grab (and slightly tacky TBH).

That's outrageous. I think you should tell them how bloody pissed off you are.

No, I wouldn’t “check” with anybody, I’d just chalk it up to me not being careful enough (sealed envelope, or whatever).
She’d be just as rude if she checks with the parent who kindly ferried her child about so she didn’t have to.

did you feed the children? Im guessing they did leave food?

Genuine question @letmeletgo.

You did 13 hours of free babysitting.
And you were questioned over £20.

Are you REALLY asking if its unreasonable not to babysit again due to lack of trust? I hoping you're just on here to get it off your chest and not that you are actually questioning your response to this.

This. I couldn't put it any better.

I'd find it very difficult to be in contact with these people again, family or not.

By being very transparent she is not pre-empting being accused of stealing. She is simply saying here is all your money back as you left it. All upfront and clear.

You say it was "on the side" - has anyone looked down the back and on the floor around whatever it was on? Maybe there was not £100 there to begin with, maybe one note got dropped, maybe the other mum kept it but I'd tell them why I would not babysit in future.

I suspect that the money has been dropped at one point. I find that I'm more likely to lose the money that we have nowadays than the old paper notes - the new ones are quite prone to sliding out of pockets etc.

It's very likely that one note has come adrift either in their home or in the other parent's home. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Of course she would be. What has she got to be "transparent" about, unless it's with a view to avoiding being accused of doing something nefarious?

That's awful op.

Never babysit for them again!

Why are you babysitting all day till 1am in the morning for free?

I never use cash so it would’ve never occurred to me

Well I think it would have been the sensible approach to take. Where people and money are concerned being transparent is helpful.
I agree to differ with your view.