I’ve been accused of stealing £20

[letmeletgo]

I babysat for a family member at the weekend. One of the kids had to go to an extracurricular and there was £100 on the side for tickets to a show - I was asked to hand it over to the child’s lift.

I did, went about my day. The tickets weren’t available for purchase and I was handed back the cash. I put it back on the side for said family member and that was the end of it.

It’s now come about that £20 of the cash is missing. I’ve received a message to ask if I know anything about it because they think it’s quite suspicious that I got a takeaway while babysitting and now £20 is missing. I paid for the takeaway by card and showed them that, it seems to have quieted them down a little but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a thief. Never have been, never would be.

AIBU to say if they have that little trust in me, I’ll not babysit again?

You don't count money because you don't trust the person, you count the money because everyone can make genuine mistakes.

Hi OP,

First off you are a legend for minding kids for that long for free, feeding them and purchasing your own food.

You know the person in question so presumably know the implication but I can tell you that I 💯 could send the message to a close family member or friend and they would know there was zero accusation there just trying to figure out what happened -

"Did you use it for your takeaway?" (Meaning - I hope you did as the mystery is solved).

They sound like absolute cunts anyway that they didn't even have a takeaway paid for, I would have absolutely insisted.

My 5 year old would have been my chief suspect but you said she wasn't in that part of the house.

What did you write back? Whatever id have to message now -

"Coming back to you about the money, I'm not sure how to take your message. It seemed accusatory and not sitting well with me at all. "

If they then say anything other than gushing reassurance I would let rip on them about the favour you did at your own time and expense.

It says in the opening paragraph of her OP - she was asked to hand the money to the lift giver. She did that and that where any responsibility on the part of the OP began and ended. The money was (unexpectedly) returned and OP left it in the manner she found it - on the sideboard. There’s no suggestion that she was supposed to buy the tickets. If the lift giver has lost or used the money, that’s between her and the parents, not the OP. If the parents were that concerned about the money, they should have put it in a sealed envelope to be handed to the lift giver and only opened for the ticket purchase. Better still, they should have handled all this direct and left OP out of it. The OP had enough on her plate wrangling a 2 and 5 year old for 13 hours of unpaid work ( with seemingly nothing to show for it but an unfounded accusation of theft).

Sometimes that is a compliment. I will take it as one, although I realise not intended as such.

Was it a family member you were babysitting for? It must be someone you know well to be doing that for free. They must know you well enough to know you wouldn’t steal the money. Maybe they are literally just asking whether you used it, not accusing you of stealing it.

But then she goes on to say that the lift giver was "doing her a huge favour".

Weird terminology for something the parents had supposedly organised, it reads more like OP set it up so she didn't have to take both kids with her:

"I would’ve had to take the child to the club if she didn’t, with the two year old in tow"

Up to you then. If someone leaves a pile of cash /money with you and you don’t check it, or check what is returned. Entirely your call.
I would check it. The reason I would check it would be because it is money given in good faith to be handed over, collected and then returned to you likewise. They were giving you the responsibility of handling the cash.

Presumably the OP hasn’t asked one of her own friends has she? The parent picking up will be friends with the children’s parents, not some random mate of the OP. OP tells parents, I’m not sure about taking 5 year old to this activity and dragging the two year old along, can you ask someone else? Parents arrange a lift. A “favour” for the OP in the sense of one less thing to worry about in a 13 hour stint of unpaid childcare.

I'd be really fucking blunt here.

You had me watch your 2 children all day, didn't pay me for it, didn't leave me any food for myself, I didn't complain, was happy enough to do you a favour and you have the bloody nerve to accuse me of stealing your money. As you can see, I paid for my own takeaway. Please do not contact me again, I will not be doing you any favours going forward. Twats.

Maybe leave out the last word. I wouldn't but you might be nicer than me.

Yes definitely this. They gave you grief over £20, didn’t provide food or pay you so I wouldn’t be doing it again.

Quelle surprise. The letmeletgo free babysitting train should stop today.

They haven’t accused you though, they have asked a question

nevermind, I've just seen that she isn't paid.

OP, why do you babysit for them? you're a grown woman, if you are genuinely there for 12 hours plus and they don't even leave you any food, why do you do it?

Never babysit for them again. They have shown what they truly think of you.

If Op had counted the cash & it was short there wouldn't have been much she could do anyway!

Really I think any fault lies with the CFs for not putting it in an envelope.

The message didn’t read as an accusation to me but I can see why you would feel upset at being asked.

So OP would then have had the awkwardness of confronting the other parent when not enough money was returned? You have to be joking.

No, OP was asked to hand over the money. That was the entirety of her responsibility. It was the people who she was sitting from who had the responsibility of checking the amount before they left. The returning of the money was unexpected, but it certainly wasn't up to the young babysitter to count it out in front of the other parent. Good grief.

Don't babysit for them again, even if they quieten down it's muddied the water- they immediately assumed you took the money, not that it may only have been £80 to start with , not the child's lift, no they have decided it must be you- so sorry find some other babysitter, and pay them.

I reckon that the person taking them to the activity to £20 to pay for said activity or food whilst they were there with the child/children.

i hope it gets sorted one way or the other. You have done nothing wrong and your relatives have handled this badly imho.

YANBU.

Also I don't get all the posters saying you should have counted the cash. Ridiculous. Why would you. You'd assume the person who left it could count, and that the person giving the child a lift and taking the cash could be trusted as you (thought you) were.

I'd be really upset in your shoes. I wouldn't be providing free babysitting again either because I agree with you that their message insinuates you helped yourself to their cash.

I did not suggest she count it out in front of them.
I would have checked the returned amount and said to them if it was short on return.
I wouldn’t have minded saying so. No problem at all.

Definitely not your job to count it. Ignore those comments.

Kind of you to baby-sit for so long when you yourself were looked after so little. (The parents were really inhospitable)

Unless you really love being with those children/being in that house or owe much to the parents you don't need to do it again.

The money business sounds like them just getting to the bottom of the missing notes rather than an accusation. (It would have been reasonable to pay for the food with it and clearly they recognise this.) They sound mean rather than mistaken about your honesty.

If you do babysit again they will leave a trap for you. Money or valuables casually left out. Be aware, take a picture with time stamp so you have some evidence

If a family member asked me the question the op was asked “did you use £20 for your takeaway”, not for one second would I think they had sinister thoughts about me and were accusing me. I’d think they were trying to establish one of their very young kids had swiped it and squirrelled it away as treasure or in their toy shop register perhaps!

Then again… I don’t have the kind of relationship @letmeletgo appears to have with her family member ie they can’t stand each other