To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

I've seen some insane stuff on MN but some of these posts really take the biscuit; excuse the pun. I often can see something of both sides of an AIBU argument but in this instance, I am wholly on the OP's side.

Not to offer guests some sort of refreshment - sandwiches, pastries, cake, biscuits or some combination thereof - and regular refills of tea/coffee is just unimaginable to me. That applies whether those guests had come from down the road or, as in this instance, where they had a substantial round trip.

Unfathomable stuff!

Yes, it's true some of us get hangry when pregnant, and some of us don't want to eat. If you've been telling them about your morning sickness, maybe they thought they'd upset you by offering food.
I would just have plainly said I need a snack, blame it on pregnancy hormones maybe, but I wouldn't just have taken the crackers; if I was hungry between lunch and teatime (if those were the times?) I would just have said I tend to feel hungry at 3pm, is there anywhere nearby we could nip to?

Are all the “no food” posters very… English??

And as usual, a number of posters with the Big Opinions haven’t even bothered reading the OP’s posts.

People talk about cultures, but I think culturally the UK is quite split on this sort of thing (as witnessed by this thread). Some Brits like to ply guests with food and drink to try and make their visit as enjoyable as possible. Other Brits will make one cup of tea, politely tolerate the others presence for a couple of hours, and then start dropping hints about how it’s time to leave. In retrospect, visiting the latter type will be deemed “a lovely afternoon” for the first 5 minutes after departure … before the next two hours are spent dissecting the “worst day ever”.

Honestly, I'm so used to grabbing a Burger King on the way to visiting in-laws (1.5 hour drive) and then timing our departure so we can be home for dinner, that it wouldn't enter my head that other people don't do that.

Because on the flipside, it's rude to turn up to someone's house if they haven't invited you for lunch/dinner, and expect them to feed you because your journey aligned with lunch/dinner.

That said, I personally would always make sure there's cake and biscuits for planned guests. But not because I think it's on me to prevent someone from starving if they're here between 2pm and 4pm. I'd do it because manners.

That's why I said the OP was unreasonable. I think it's unreasonable to expect your host to prevent you from 'starving', if you weren't invited for lunch or dinner. The title of the thread is 'AIBU to expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours'. Yes, I do think it's unreasonable to expect anything.

I also think it's unreasonable not to ask for a bit of something, or go out to the car to get a snack, and not go for a meal afterwards just in case they happened to decide to go out to the same place. This whole thing is weird.

If I was the host, I'd have got a cake in.

If I was the guest, I wouldn't expect anything outside of mealtimes - I'd appreciate it, but not expect it, not go without lunch and be weird about dinner because I expected a snack. That IS very English of me, I think.

A certain type of English, I’d say. Disproportionately found gambolling around the grasslands of MN, especially at the popular watering hole of AIBU where they lurk in small groups waiting to rush in using each other for cover.

And just from a tit for tat perspective, the visitor has spent probably £15 on petrol and £5-10 on a gift.

Ok, I guess it’s not for me to say if she was at her wits end. I made that assumption from her post, in which she seemed sane, articulate, and to be documenting her desperation.

you are more invested in shaming her.

hey ho.

I’ve never been to a British home for an afternoon visit and not been offered biscuits with tea.

op said the host was Scandinavian.

In that situation I would've had cake at least on offer for everyone.
But I am a bit fixated on avoiding the pub in case the friends walked in. The hosts obviously knew that nobody had eaten in the last few hours and so if they were to decide they were hungry and fancied a pub meal then presumably they would find that acceptable for themselves, so why would they be shocked /appalled / horrified or whatever else would make it "awkward" if you did the same?

not at all AIBU! totally would have felt the same. I think it's fine to ask - if they are friends and you are pregnant. I have done in the past - just a simple ask for a slice of bread and butter. I have been in similar situations before and some people are adapted to very big gaps between meals (pregnancy aside). One family in particular who seem to eat nothing - when visiting I have just realised stuff social taboo - ask! They are always happy to stick a slice of toast in or whatever. It helps them become aware of being a better host too, being aware other people feel hungry when they don't. And being interested in making your guests comfortable should be a joy for anyone. A good friend should be open to this. If not - why are you friends? Asking for food really should not be as big a deal as this is for a lot of people.

I'm scandi, well Finnish, and I always feed my guests!! We're quite proud of our 'coffee table', savoury and sweet always on offer!
Strange and quite rude... especially you being pregnant!

Good point. Actually I think wine + chocolates + plant might be nearer £25? £30? Plus the petrol.

But of course she stole two whole crackers so must be a terrible human being 😱

I can't imagine being uncomfortable enough at any of my friends' homes not to feel I could say "I'm starving, I don't suppose I could have some toast or something please?" and "I start feeling queasy on an empty stomach at the moment".

Did they know that's all you were doing in the day? I'd think it mad of a mate to drive 2 hours to pop over for a couple of hours to see our new place without them having other plans in the area.

If I had a work event 2 hours away (from Cardiff to Birmingham) or even 90 min away in west Wales, if the actual meeting or visit was only 2 hours I'd not expect them to feed me, I'd expect to take my own snacks for the journey or stop for a meal if it was that time of day.

I feel like it was piss poor planning on your part not to have a bag of snacks to hand when you know you feel nauseous when hungry AND that you should've spoken up when you were at their house.

Also, I would not have been embarrassed about going for a pub lunch after. In fact I'd have said as we were leaving "lush to see you, your new place is stunning, I'm super hungry so I was going to suggest we stop off for some pub grub on the way home, or do you fancy heading somewhere with us now?"

I'm more invested in a grown woman taking some responsibility for her pregnancy needs.

Yes the host was rude but the whole story about not being able to eat in a pub on the way home, and eating stolen crackers on the toilet is just ridiculous.

Sorry I couldn’t get past you being in your first semester of pregnancy 😂

They were rude hosts.
In the past I have been invited to some people's houses for tea/coffee, when nothing was offered beyond the drink.
I can't imagine offering a guest just a cup of tea. It seems so unwelcoming. And inconsiderate, especially to a pregnant friend.

Had you not had any lunch?

did you not bring anything?

i always bring some cake or biscuits or chocs if i visit

Just ridiculous? Or stressed?

I havent read all the pages of responses but you are definitely being unreasonable! Unless someone had asked me to go for lunch or dinner or whatever, I wouldnt expect any food or snacks! On a weekend we have a bacon or sausage butty at about 10-11 am and then dont eat anything else until tea at about 6pm and we dont starve at all and certainly not to the point of nausea and I would expect most adults to be the same. If you arent then you need to allow for this and make sure you eat a full lunch before you go anywhere!

Scottish.

For an afternoon visit like this I would aspire to bake something simple (brownies/ victoria sandwich/ tray bake) and if life defeated me I'd have bought in cake or biscuits.

I can't believe all the people saying they don't provide anything for guests alongside a drink.

Yes - this! People eating a meal at mealtime is not a damning indictment of poor hosting - it's just having dinner. Why would the people they visited think it's weird?!

Completely ridiculous.

How rude!