To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

With you on this! Pregnant or not it’s thoughtless and rude. I often invite some mum friends / acquaintances over for play dates and I always ensure there’s a little snack for the kids and some adult snacks (at Easter it was hot cross buns, mince pies and chocolates at Christmas and cookies / biscuits at other times plus some soft drinks/beers) let alone if I have actual friends over who have travelled!! That being said I’ve definitely experienced similar. I don’t think it’s cultural I think some people are just rude tbh

If someone was staying for two hours I’d offer tea or coffee, I may or may not offer biscuits, it really wouldn’t occur to me someone could not go two hours in the middle of the afternoon without eating and would steal food.

Ridiculous.

Not being able to advocate for or meet your own needs to this extent is weird.

If you're a little and often eater, AND you're pregnant, it's on you to make sure your little and often is on hand. Not to 'expect' anything from hosts, who don't know your unique needs. Yes, it would be nice of them to offer - normal, even - but it really isn't unreasonable of them not to assume that their guest would be starving mid-afternoon.

And if you've messed up your timings or your snacks, then asking for a slice of toast because you've messed up your timings and snacks is perfectly reasonable and normal behaviour.

Going out for dinner when you're hungry is normal. Not going out for dinner in case your hosts walk in is ridiculous.

It’s trimester not semester. And why not bring your own snacks or have them in the car. Or (and this is going to blow your mind) there are SHOPS/ service stations/garages - amazing isn’t it?

I don't know about rude, but it's not very good hosting.
I'd have baked you a cake, or got something nice in if I didn't want to/didn't have time to bake.
The fact that you're travelling all that way means your're putting in a considerable amount of effort and going to considerable expense, so the least you can expect is a slice of bloody cake.
You fulfilled your obligations by taking a gift. They didn't keep up their end.
Invite them over to yours for the exact same time and give them cake so they can see how it's done 🤣

Was the original house warming that you couldn’t make for a group?

It’s not that deep

It’s rude to steal snacks and it’s rude to ask for food. Not everyone has the ‘MN staples’ in their cupboard.

If I have certain foods in, I eat them, therefore I don’t buy them. So bread, cake, biscuits etc would not be available. I would expect grown adults to be able to manage their own requirements, as I would manage mine if I was visiting

She did bring presents. Read her updates?

Cake? I’ve never in my life baked a cake for my mates coming over, and certainly not in my 30s. And I’ve never had it provided either other than my nans generation,

Yet no biscuits which, given the chances of her struggling, was a tad shortsighted.

I agree, if it’s so bad she’s stealing food and she had lunch before she left all she had to do is say could you make some toast. I’d do that before I stole food.

and to them be scared to go for food in case they saw you is as odd as it gets.

Stressed? As she didn’t get a snack?

I don't think you're being unreasonable and I also get the hunger thing. I remember 'a MUST eat now feeling' when pregnant, especially early on, never felt it before or since.

I think they were most likely being unthinking. My husband used to be like this well into his 30s, would offer a drink but nothing else. Just wouldn't occur to him, even though his parents are great hosts! He's better now. I've got some older relatives too, where you wouldn't even get a drink.

I think some people are a bit clueless. It is annoying, especially as you've done a long drive to go over. In this situation, we'd have biscuits and fruit. Hard to raise I agree, I would have had zero qualms about going for dinner locally though.

I wouldn't have necessarily offered a snack if you were just there for a short time*. But when I was pregnant I took my own food or spoke up that I was Hank Marvin and asked. I do recall going a bit faint though when 30+ weeks pregnant and the speeches were going on forever at a wedding - before the food was served. I think it was worse because we'd sat down and thought the food was coming. Several people gave me their chocolates in their favours!

*Actually if you were travelling quite far/and pregnant I almost certainly would.

Other foods are available, fortunately

"I am just baffled by the amount of people not getting the concept of hosting"

we get the concept of hosting - just some posters find your vehement comments a bit OTT and your behaviour as you've described it more than a little bizarre

Reading these threads I wonder what is the point. Etiquette varies from region to region or even friendship group to friendship group.

Yet on MN everything is transactional. You are expected to bring flowers, wine and chocolates when visiting (presumably irrespective of whether your hosts want them - I would rather have nothing than generic thoughtless presents that I can’t enjoy). The hosts then have to supply x amount of food and drink.

Apparently its not considered rude to ask for things when you are there.

Whats wrong with being invited somewhere because people want to see you, turning up, having a good time with good company and then going home?

I am AuDHD and feel really awkward when I get offered anything so automatically say no

And if you knew it was up to two hours’ drive each way, and had invited them for the whole afternoon and they brought you wine/plant/chocolates as presents?

The opening gambit was ‘glass of water?’ followed by a cup of coffee. And that was the final offer - hence the OP’s early departure.

I don’t really know why couples like this bother issuing invitations. They clearly don’t want to bother. So they could do everyone a favour and … not bother properly. Not ask a pregnant friend to drive hours for a glass of water.

I think that’s rude of your friend who is eating her lunch and you ask for a snack and she says she has nothing in? I mean who has absolutely nothing in? There’s food there as she’s eating her lunch!
Also everyone saying I wouldn’t offer anything as I don’t buy biscuits or cake - this was a planned visit from friends doing a 4 hour round journey, buy something in! Doesn’t have to be cake or biscuits… plenty of other sweet and savoury snacks available in supermarkets!
Not offering or refusing visitors food if they ask is rude, thoughtless and stingey on the host’s behalf.

I suspect you’re teasing us with a simulated pretence of defending a weirdly ill-mannered puritanistic po-faced demographic and that’s actually quite funny.

So kudos

Visiting someone between 2pm and 4pm wouldn’t warrant a meal. But I would have served cake or biscuits.

You were there two hours, they would assume you got lunch before you left then stopped for dinner on the way home.

Could never be me inviting guests and not offering them any food. I just wasn’t raised to do such foolishness, and I will stand ten toes on that’s what that is.

In my experience this is a cultural thing. In my culture and those of most of my friends, feeding guests is a standard thing.

I'm coeliac so always take my own biscuits/cake :-)

I've always found though, that those people who pride themselves on being amazing hosts are actually the worst for accommodating or thinking about allergies/intolerances. My SIL being the worst offender, despite the fact I've known her 20 years and have been coeliac the entire time. She'll lay on a spread of which I can eat absolutely nothing.

Feeders are even worse, constantly badgering you to eat things that you can't eat. Do you say you're not hungry or embarrass them by saying you're starving but haven't provided anything I can eat?