To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

seriously?

Most work meetings I have to attend have no "snacks" and people barely bring their drink at the start. Someone tends to call for a break after a couple of hours (they probably need to pee) but most meetings don't need pastries or fruits!

It wasn't just a 2 hour visit for the OP. By the time she reached the friend she'd been on the road for 2 hours already. Any host worth anything would have refreshments ready for your arrival. To not take the travelling into consideration makes them a bad host. To further drag it out and offer nothing but 1 cup of tea over the visit is mean.
Your "friend" didn't want to host you, they just wanted you to come and oooh and aaah over the new house and leave.

A pregnant woman eating a snack from her bag after a two hour journey is weird to you?

Weirder than stealing the host's crackers and sitting on her toilet to eat them??

Blimey, I love this thread! 🤣

Yes I would have offered but I also think you could have asked, especially when pregnant. What is the overwhelming anxiety about simply saying « would you have anything I can snack on? Sorry I didn’t have a big lunch and find I need frequent topping up at the moment » or even « I’m just going to pop to the car to grab some snacks I have…. I’m a bit peckish »…. You actually preferred to steal food unseen and eat it hiding in the loo (which IS wrong) versus simply say what you need to a friend (which is healthy and right)? Why? Your anxiety about meeting them in the pub later is also extraordinary…. If it happened why can’t you simply say « yes we were passing and hungry so decided to stop before driving home »…. You are going to extraordinary lengths not to possibly invite discomfort in other people, while sacrificing your own needs and preferences.

I’d suggest if this is a pattern for you, then you need to get more comfortable in prioritising your own needs and standing up for your own preferences. If that’s a little girl coming, you want to model that for her! 🙂

You were there for 2 hours. It really isn't unreasonable of the people hosting not to offer a snack on hunger grounds. You visited after lunch and before dinner. If you're not a snack between meals household - and we're not - it wouldn't enter their heads to think, she needs a mid-afternoon snack.

They didn't factor in your pregnancy, and I do think that manners dictate you should get some biscuits or cake in for planned visitors, but ultimately YABU I think.

I was raised to provide hospitality to visiting guests and I always have.
I wouldn't dream of inviting someone over, especially with that distance to drive and not provide proper refreshments.
To me, it wouldn't just be about the food and drink itself, it would also be a sign of my appreciation that you'd travelled and made the effort to visit.

We always ate before visiting guests as children and often would go to a restaurant on the way home if we where not a dinner guest so to me it’s normal to arrange my eating around what I’m doing that day.

If I knew I’d be hungry on ops drive I’d of stopped an hour or so in and had a nice lunch. Then visited my friend.

Then like her dh said gone for a meal out after if I was going to be far too hungry prior to arriving home.

I'd buy them in - we don't eat them either.

But I'd buy them in to be 'nice', not because I believe it's on me to prevent someone from 'starving' on a visit between lunch and dinner. That concept is alien to me, because we're not a snacky house.

I don't say this to signal any virtue. We're not a snacky house because if we had snacks in, we'd eat them all in one sitting - not through hunger, but joy. We're a greedy house with discipline.

Its not because she is American. We overfeed guests. And we bring something too.

I think the OP is the weird and intense one here … ending a friendship over a missing biscuit? Yes it was thoughtless of them but not a big deal between good friends? A lot of people don’t snack at all between meals and they probably didn’t even think about it. I’d have got a packet of posh biscuits in if I hosting. If I was pregnant and needed to eat constantly (which I have no memory of needing to) I’d have just asked the host for a snack.

What does not providing snacks for a couple of hours have to do with an eating disorder?

🤣

Same here in NI. I remember my MIL was accused (semi lightheartedly) by her English visitors of trying to force feed them because she set out scones and wheaten bread and a few biscuits. They were staying with friends who only lived about 20 minutes away, so hadn’t come far. But it’s what you do. You take care of your visitors and offer them something to eat. I do know loads of English people who do this too, before I’m accused of xenophobia!

Yeah I do find it odd that’s she’s friends enough with this person to travel two hours to see their new house, but not to ask for a snack? Most of my mates could help themselves and I wouldn’t bat an eye haha. But none of them would steal something and squirrel off to the bathroom to eat it, either.

It’s not great hosting but I wouldn’t let it bother me. Might not visit again in a hurry though.

I’ve literally never been in a hosted meeting that didn’t have drinks offered at the start.

Who said it was “needed”? It’s just good hospitality.

Stop being so reasonable and balanced - it ill befits the tone of this thread 🤣 (but I 100% agree)

I didn’t mean asking for something. That would be rude

‘Bašić manners’ presumably also includes not taking food without asking

I’d have been tempted to ask the hosts to open the chocolates.

Crisps? I thought they were crackers? What food you ate on the loo matters enormously.

They were there for 2 hours, but it took 2 hours to get there and the same to get back. Are you honestly saying that the hosts who had issued an invitation were reasonable to not consider the fact that they were going to be out for around 6 hours including 4 hours of driving, and not think about providing any hospitality? The hunger and the pregnancy are red herrings. It’s not does someone need a “mid afternoon snack”, they’re driving 4 hours to visit you. They were probably in a traffic jam when the hosts were eating their lunch. Honestly it beggars belief that people are so obtuse and ill mannered.

I'd deem it poor hosting. But then I equally wouldn't turn up empty handed to someone's flat. I'd probably have taken some fancy biscuits if it was going to be afternoon and likely hot drinks served.

Mind you, I wouldn't travel a 3-4 hour round trip just to look at a friend's new flat/house. I'd expect a dinner or lunch invitation or a plan to spend more of the day together and all go out to eat.

That’s a bit grim. Very thoughtless. I wouldn’t visit again in a hurry. I had a friend who was always asking me to visit her, and I couldn’t figure out how to say ‘ nooo.. you’re so stingy with food, staying with you is excruciating, I get so hungry! ‘
is the lady of the house you visited very slim? Could it be she is a no-snacking slim woman?

I think the OP, like many women, clearly struggles to say she's hungry. It's embarrassing and we don't like to voice our "needs" aloud (just rant about them not being met on MN after the event!).
Some women also struggle with the physical discomfort of "hunger" and find it unbearable.
Whoever said #eatingdisorder 100%!
This IS Mumsnet, after all, home of the competitive "undereaters"!

Exactly this. If I know a friend is popping in for a catch up ,regardless of the distance,I always wizz to local shop or baker and get something nice to have with tea/ coffee. It’s just normal hospitality that I have never really given any headspace to.