To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

I don't think it's rude to not offer food for a 2-hours visit, but if someone was driving a total of 4 hours to visit me, I would at least invite them to stay for lunch. IMO it's rude of them to expect you to travel for so long, but make it a casual/low efforts on their side. As another PP said, I would not have accepted a casual invitation that involved so much travel (except if I had other plans in that area/made a day trip out of it).

There aren't many of us apparently who don't offer biscuits & cake .
I'm one, I never buy them because we don't eat them.

If you knew you couldn’t manage without a biscuit, you would have better taking some instead of all the other stuff. It wasn’t a dinner party so you didn’t need to take all that anyway.

Yeah this. I have actually asked that one friend a few times (that I mentioned earlier, who often has her lunch when I go to see her at her house on her lunch hour and never offers me anything) if she had a couple of biscuits as I'm a little peckish (and it was lunchtime and she was feeding herself!) But she says 'oh I'm sorry, we've got nothing in,' so I started taking my own snacks in case I was hungry. I don't ask now.

But I agree that as it was mid afternoon, that's probably why they didn't offer the OP anything. They are probably people who don't snack between meals. I do think it would have been polite to offer some biscuits or something, but if the OP is prone to being 'absolutely starving' to the point of passing out (after just 2-3 hours of no food) because she is pregnant, then she really needs to take snacks with her. It's possible that they had nothing in. (Like biscuits or cake.)

As has been said, the OP needs to take care of her own pregnancy needs, and shouldn't depend on other people to meet them (by offering food in the middle of the afternoon.) She knows she gets hungry a lot, so she needs to keep snacks on her, like biscuits, or breakfast bars or something.

If they are you're friends can't you say, hey I'm a bit hungry, have you got any food. If yes, the easy. if no then you all go out for a meal. The end. Why such a drama.

Presumably the hosts would expect their guests to have been responsible for their own needs during the journey.

I suspect it's Saxon v. Celtic/Med approaches to hospitality at play here. I know which one I am, and it's not Saxon!

I always offer biscuits or something with a drink. If people stay for around mealtime or they're pregnant i'd be even more conscious. I'd either offer what im having (although I dont cook a lot), ask shall we get takeout or make something quick like a sandwich or pizza.

I would hate any of my friends or guests to feel like this lady did and actually I'd expect my long term friends or family to ask for something and point out the neglect if ive got lost in conversation 😂!

I'm more conscious with someone round from a baby group too. I'll make sure they've eaten, feed their babies if wanted and make a few suggestions for food over the time they're with me.

I'm surprised how many of you wouldnt expect your friends to look after you on a visit! Maybe it's because me and my friends all have children including grown up children so we're used to being asked for a snack or its a working class characteristic?

I did it even when I was young, if a friend didn't have a snack or some sweets I would buy for them or share what I had. I had friends that hadn't been given required meals or snacks by their parents so they came to us and Mum gave them biscuits.

I think the lady needs new friends!

Ps. Im fat, might be relevent 😂.

If I know someone was driving to see me I would 100% put on some food, knowing they will either have not have eaten or will need something for the journey home.
Also not sure how you fill 2 hours just sat round someone’s house without a meal? It would feel really odd! The only time I wouldn’t “put on food” would be if someone just popped in. Then it would be just a brew.
However I probably would have asked about it in the arrangements, something like what time are you thinking as we will need to get some food at some point.

Just an fyi etiquette thing. Me and my DM (and DB, all different houses) all offer at the least biscuits or sharing crisps in a bowl if before a meal if visitors pop round for a cup of tea/coffee. My DB even pops to the shop (2 min drive) if no biscuits in. Most people I know offer something. But I don’t see anything wrong in asking either, especially if you’re pregnant.

To be honest the more the OP posts the more she sounds like a bit of an arse. Maybe the hosts didn’t offer anything as they didn’t want her to stay long.

If you were travelling two hours I would have made sure you were coming for a meal. Even if someone is at my house for an hour they get biscuits and if I am prepared cake. In the evening I offer crisps/nibbles/wine. I don't actually snack myself but I was brought up to "host' I also never get the idea of inviting people to my house and going out for dinner.

😂😂😂

That's also a possibility. Certainly the last time I didn't offer a visitor food it was because I wanted them to leave. I had offered some when they first arrived mid-morning, and they'd refused, and I didn't want them to stick around for lunch. It's not that I don't like the person in question, but she's intense, self-absorbed and not exactly light-hearted company. Two hours is about right.

Ok some fruit and crackers if you are against cake or crudités and hummus. It’s just a little token of “you’ve come to visit us, we care about you and don’t want you to be hungry”

But it seems there is a real cultural divide here.

I don’t come from a feeder culture and we don’t routinely buy biscuits or cake, but I do have good manners and am socially competent. Therefore if I invited someone to visit my house and they were travelling to see me I would ensure that we all knew the timings and expectations and I would make appropriate arrangements. The posters who are saying it’s only two hours, they should have made their own arrangements on the way etc. are either socially inept and ill mannered or professional contrarians.

Bollocks. With my 2nd pregnancy I had to eat every hour to stop the projectile vomiting.

I find it incredibly rude and unhospitable not to even offer a biscuit!

You stole food from a friend's house and you're startng an AIBU?!
People can go lengths of time without eating, you know, pregnant or not! I'm guessing your friends assumed you'd had lunch and would be eating dinner when you got home.
I'm a feeder so would've baked cakes and all sorts but I don't expect to be fed at weird times.
Stealing food is just rude. If you were really that hungry you could've asked if you could make yourself a slice of toast, but appreciate you probably didn't want to embarrass them.
The "eating for two" is a well known myth that we're aware of now but if you're struggling because of the pregnancy maybe take some rice cakes next time.

Plus on a two hour journey, what are the chances of them winding up at the same pub?

Unless the hosts left immediately after and tailgated them all the way home 🤣🤣

And incredibly irresponsible to leave your snacks in the car, steal some instead of going to your car, and sit on the bog eating them?

If someone knows they need to eat every hour or so, they're going to take responsibility for that at some point surely?

Yes, the host was rude but the OP's version of events is just so bloody weird.

Assuming she meant that as she was so hungry they would have to get food right after leaving, hence a local pub and a chance the couple may also head there. So much wilful “misunderstanding” on this thread 🤔

I’ve never even been in a 2 hour work meeting without a tray of biscuits, pastries or fruit on the table never mind someone you have a friendship with and has travelled 2 hours on way to see you!

Would it not be just as weird to get your own snacks out of your bag and eat them? Yep the OP behaviour is def the issue here and not the weird stingy hosts 🤣

Yeah, I don’t get what’s embarrassing about going to the pub!

Oh don't be daft, it doesn't take long to drive half an hour or more out of the area.

Plus it transpires the OP had snacks in the car, so she wouldn't die of malnutrition even if they had to drive out a little further.

Definitely wilful misunderstanding on this thread and some hilarious excuses.