To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Which is why England is a refreshing change to many of us from the blue countries.

(Though I don’t think that map is actually researched in any proper way — it’s just something from Instagram.)

But as a host surely you recognise you can mix it up (offer fruit and crackers e.g). It’s so much better to offer something than not at all.

it's not "basic manners' to offer biscuits 😂
and the advice is not to "snack on biscuits" either

But if I invite you, I'd probably invite you for something, lunch, or coffee (that include some cake ) but I wouldn't even notice if there's no food if I come to see friends for 1 or 2 hours in the afternoon.

For a 2 hour visit in between mealtimes no food is required. Tea/coffee should suffice.

So you wouldn’t get anything special if you had guests coming? Just rely on your cupboard stock?

Fascinating thread, truly!

I’ve voted YABU simply because - irrespective of whether your friends should or shouldn’t have been providing snacks - you could simply have asked them. Like explain as you have here that you were feeling sick due to pregnancy and could you have a couple of pieces of toast or some biscuits

I very much feel it depends on what kind of relationship you have.

If I’m going to see friends for 2 hours in the afternoon, we’ll get a cup of tea. Not biscuits. It’s assumed we have eaten before and will eat at home later on.
The fact you have 1.5~2 hours journey means you needed to plan meals around that. I don’t think it was up,to her to plan you’d only had a light lunch etc…. For all the friend knew, you could have got a pub lunch on the way or still be nauseous and not eating!
Personally, I’d also expect a friend to be able to say ‘you know what, I’m feeling really hungry/unwell just now. Would have a few biscuit or crackers I could eat by any chance?’ I’m baffled you didn’t say anything but stole from an open packet that was lying around.

A situation where I’d expect the whole tea with ample biscuits is either people that are closer to acquaintances. You’re more formal in your approach. But these would not be what I call friends.

As for assuming everyone has biscuits lying around in the house to eat with tea….
Now THAT is a cultural issue. A very british thing. Somethimg my british MIL does but imdint, because I’m not British. No digestive in this house unless dh specially asks for some (rarely because he actually doesn’t have biscuits with his tea lol)

Because I was thought it is rude to ask for food when visiting if you are not offered (you can put someone in an odd position having to say they actually don't have anything).
3 crackers is hardly food.
I don't leave crumbs around after eating 3 crackers, I chew with my mouth closed. Even while sitting on a loo.

I wouldn’t expect to feed guests between lunch and dinner. That’s my point.

Come for lunch I’ll make sure there is food just for that. Come for dinner or a bbq and again food plently.

Come round for a natter between 2-4pm your not getting fed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Here in NI noone would be offered just a cup of tea. There would have been at least 2 varieties of biscuits along with cake. And in some households the traybake tins would have come out. Maybe some buttered fruit or malt loaf.
Sandwiches have even been known to be offered.
I would most definitely gone to a pub for something to eat.

So many missing the point here!
No, food wasn't expected, not anywhere does TS say they expected food
Yes it's culturally weird anywhere in the world to have people over and not offering something with their tea/coffee - weird and awkward anywhere, America and Scandinavia and UK
And it's not about how long anyone can go without food
It's also not about whether you keep biscuits at home or not, if you have visitors you provide biscuits

Is there something wrong with po faced people's vocal chords or what? OK we get it, you don't want cake or biscuits when visiting people, but it's easy to say no thanks, or just leave it there on the plate.

It is the OFFERING of food/snacks that is important IMV, shows basic manners and hospitality. It's not mandatory to scoff it, is it?

Not offering anything is beyond bizarre IMV. No, I really don't get it, and I don't get all the ridiculous strategies and excuses as to why a total lack of hospitality is absolutely fine in some people's book either. I'm normal though, maybe that's it! 😊

It's quite unusual to travel that far for a visit that isn't centred around a meal. Every single time I've visited someone's house that distance away it's been for lunch/late lunch/dinner and this has been explicitly communicated.

Who suggested just "popping by" in the afternoon? I don't think I'd have accepted that invite - or at least, if I sensed they didn't want to host a meal, I'd have suggested all of us eating at a nearby restaurant afterwards. If the OP suggested it, then if I was the host I would have assumed she had somewhere to be afterwards and that's why she couldn't stay for a meal. I would definitely assume she had all her meals covered already.

I don't think a biscuit or two would ever move the needle that much in terms of hunger.

What time were you there from/until OP?

OP I'm a bit of a feeder and would probably have had cake or at least biscuits to serve with your tea but not everyone does this and YABU to expect something outside mealtimes. You arrived after lunch for starters so not sure why you make a point of having had a "light" lunch - maybe that was your first mistake. Why did you not have a proper meal before travelling and going to someone's house when you knew they wouldn't serve you a meal? Secondly I used to get low blood sugar while pregnant so always had some biscuits or a cereal bar or something in my bag - you should carry something with you if it's so important. You sound like hard work to be honest OP.

But you didn't think it was rude to help yourself?

With FRIENDS, coming first a 2 hours visit?
No I wouldn’t go out all the way as if they were GUESTS.
For me, me guests assumes a much more formal setting. Something longer, people I don’t know well or someone I somehow want to make a good impression on. Not friends. And certainly not close friends.

And I and at least one other Irish person has said that it’s a real relief to live away from that kind of food fuss. I still remember the first time I went to visit an English friend a few months after I’d moved to England in 1997 and the relief of realising that a cup of tea could literally be just a cup of tea, and that if something else was offered, my no was accepted.

If someone was coming for 2 hours I wouldn't provide food unless I specifically asked them over for a meal. They didn't do it was up to you to plan your meals. I would have gone for the meal your partner suggested, it seems very odd not to, so what if they saw you.

One of my biggest annoyances is when people who don’t need to eat frequently think that everyone else is the same. If I go too long without eating (that can mean lunch an hour later than usual), I feel horrific. We are not all built the same. Perhaps visit the migraine org website. Issues ramp up when pregnant. Like OP, I have always been a healthy weight and eaten well.

Apparently not.

It's weird but I have practically stopped offering people anything in my house cos they always say no. If I had kids visiting I'd have loads of stuff for them but adults always say no.

Adults usually bring something with them too though when they are visiting. And then we have a fight at the door when they're leaving cos they brink cake/biscuits and I'm trying to get them to take it with them and they're trying to leave it. Everyone in my house has a great appetite and I try to limit the junk.

I have to say, I rarely eat anything if I visit someone else's house either, even for parties where I know there will be food.

The best guest I ever had brought a load of fruit. I thought she was so thoughtful and considerate. Rightly assuming I wouldn't want to have a load of junk in the house so she brought healthy stuff.

Anyway to answer your question, if I knew I had visitors coming I would certainly have something there to offer them and if I knew someone was pregnant I'd certainly be offering them something. It's just annoying as everyone says no and then you're left with cake/biscuits you wouldn't have in the house otherwise and you end up eating it yourselves.

I think this is down to different expectations and bad communication on both sides. That you and your hosts might have been expecting different things from this.

From what it sounds like you were invited to pop in to see their new flat mid-afternoon, so between usual mealtimes. Absolutely, it would have been nice / expected to be offered something light with tea (cake maybe or biscuits or something), but there are some parts of your posts when you seem to suggest that really you were expecting a meal: After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner.
And, even if I come by for 15 mins to pick them up before going out they always try to convince me I must try whatever they just had for dinner.

Ultimately, it is not down to the hosts to worry about what your plans are before or after your visit. You arrived after lunchtime and left before dinner time, and only stayed for two hours. While something small might have been nice, most people would not be ravenous between meals. It’s not on the hosts to ensure that you have eaten lunch before seeing them or will eat dinner afterwards. The fact that you say it’s lucky you did have lunch before and that your husband was googling for dinner places afterwards rather suggests that you planned badly and expected something that was never offered beforehand.

Yes, it’s a bit odd that you weren’t offered at least a biscuit, but it would also be odd to go somewhere at (say, 2pm) for a short two hour visit and be presented with a meal without discussion beforehand.

Better planning and a good supply of car snacks going forward might help!

I'd have expected a biscuit or cake perhaps with your brew

I went to visit a fairly new friend at her home for the first time a few weeks ago. She’d been unwell so I took a punnet of grapes and a punnet of strawberries and some posh crisps. On arrival she took them from me and put them on the side and offered me a cup of tea. Over 2 hours later, and not even a second cuppa on offer, I left! I noticed as I was putting on my jacket that she had put the fruit and crisps away whilst making the lone cuppa!!! (She likes fruit and crisps btw so she was going to eat them!)
I was really surprised. She’s much younger than me so maybe it’s a generation thing but I thought it was really poor etiquette. People are BONKERS!