To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

So they invited you to their house just to show it off. They know how far you had to travel. You also bought them gifts . Their lack of hosting skills is embarrassing. Tight arses .

I can’t say we really keep cakes and biscuits in the house. We do have crackers but then what cheese as you just serve plain crackers.

For 2 hours mid afternoon I’d figure you’d of had a good lunch before/on your way.

If you’d of come for lunch or dinner then yes there would be food. But between those two times not really.

Id also have no problem with you having some fruit out the fruit bowl or asking if I did in fact have or not have a biscuit to dunk in the tea.

I know that's certainly the current doctrine, but I'm a little and often person and my cholesterol, blood pressure and HBA1C are perfect. I'm also one of the few people I know who hasn't gained weight or lost my middle with menopause, so maybe different people are different?

As has been said though, if she gets so nauseous and is 'starving' after just 2-3 hours of no food, why is she not taking snacks out with her? She is the one who needs to be prepared, it's not up to other people to feed her.

I’ve voted YANBU because I remember the pregnancy nausea well and I had to eat little and often to combat it. It was a little thoughtless of your hosts to not offer at least a biscuit or some crackers, knowing you’d travelled all that way.

For a local friend I wouldn’t bother doing anything more than offering biscuits with tea tbh but when someone has travelled, it’s common sense to think they’d need a snack at some point. Personally I would’ve made sure I had some biscuits, crisps and maybe some cake in, as well as tea/coffee/juice/soda.

However, I always made sure to take my own snacks with me whilst pregnant (usually crackers or a snack bar) due to my nausea, and I’d have had no problem busting them out at a friends house in your situation. I also wouldn’t have minded going to a local oub on the off chance they saw me - so what? “Oh hi! We realised how hungry we were as we were leaving and stopped in for a bite. Would you like to join us?” There was so need to make yourself suffer further by surviving on petrol station snacks until you got back home.

And for those saying you “could’ve survived a few hours without food” - you absolutely could have, yes, but I don’t think they understand pregnancy nausea that well. Some people are very fortunate and don’t suffer with it at all, and some people only get it mildly. It sounds like yours is more similar to mine though, which was persistent, all-day nausea that never went away. The only thing that prevented me from actually being sick was to eat little and often. My GP actually advised against three meals a day and told me “six small plates” would be better throughout the day. For the first four months of my pregnancy, it was an absolute lottery as to what I’d actually be able to stomach eating each day too, which was…. Fun. So you have my sympathies/empathy, as I fully understand how awful you’d have been feeling - especially after a long journey.

My Irish heart cannot fathom this scenario. Tea with cake for sure - as a minimum.

I do understand that, I had the most awful nausea myself while pregnant, but I don’t think OPs AIBU was predominantly pregnancy related. Most people would assume that those who need to eat regularly due to severe pregnancy sickness carry their own snacks anyway, not at least because you’d usually be restricted to very few foods you can eat without vomiting if it’s that bad.

Yes I would have offered a snack for that length of time, even if it was just a selection of biscuits with your tea. Especially when you’re pregnant. I remember being utterly ravenous if I had to go too long without eating! I had to keep cereal bars by my bed to snack on during the night.

Some people do seem to have a real blind spot about offering food especially if they are accustomed to going long periods of the day without it - DH can go the whole day without eating whereas I need regularly topping up otherwise I am physically and emotionally a mess! If he is charge of the kids I have to remind him they need feeding otherwise he will forget!

One side of our family are notorious dreadful at offering food (you can’t even guarantee you’ll be fed 3 meals a day, never mind snacks!) - they’re good hosts in other ways but just aren’t aware of how weird they are about food. I pack snacks now if staying with them!

If someone was travelling to visit me I would be asking about their preferences regarding food, if I was travelling to them and they didn't mention it, I would ask. I don't understand how with all the multiple ways there are to communicate these days, people still struggle with these easily avoided confused levels of expectations.

It is rude and they should know better. Hosting in pretty much every human culture involves sharing food with your guests. And if I invite someone I will definitely get something specially prepared or bought for them - usually a cake, at the very least fruit or crisps, and tea or coffee or hot chocolate
Something like apple cake in winter, watermelon and cherries and cold drinks in summer.
I live in New Zealand and even when I just pop over to my neighbour she will offer coffee and small snack, maybe just some chocolate. I cannot think of anyone (but one American friend, interestingly enough) who doesn't offer food. And I do the same (sadly my home baking cannot keep up with teenagers in the house.. )

Rude. Jeez, I even offer tea/coffee and biscuits to plumbers etc although they're not going to be in my house for any length of time!

I think it’s cultural and a particular po-faced demographic from within a wider cultural grouping.

Thank you for the thread OP, I can’t believe what I’m reading!!!

People are truly batshit.

If anyone comes to my home, they are getting offered tea, coffee, juice, wine. Depending on the time of day, snacks/lunch/cake. It’s just basic manners!! My Irish mum would go mad if she ever found out I’d been such a bad host that a guest had to sneak a cracker FFS.

I have noticed it’s definitely a cultural trend. Those who grew up with not much money (and certain cultures) tend to be very generous hosts. It’s like - we know hungry and nobody will be hungry on my watch.

In my personal experience, those who are from more well off backgrounds or other cultures tend to be a bit more restrained hosts, you might get a tiny biscuit or a sliver of cake if you’re lucky 😂

If they were good friends I dont get why you couldn't just have said - 'Urrgh I'm feeling nauseous cos of the pregnancy I don't suppose I could have a couple of biscuits to calm my stomach?' 'I've left my snacks in the car' etc. it's very weird you took food without asking on the way to the loo tbh. You were only there 2 hours. Maybe they'd just had lunch and weren't remotely hungry or thinking about food. It probably never crossed their minds. I pop to peoples houses a lot for a catch up and coffee and snacks don't normally appear. Everyone I know is watching what they eat too. You'll need to be super organised when your baby comes and carry loads of snacks for yourself and your baby/toddler anyway. Rather than expecting other people to feed you/your child.

Po-faced demographic 😂

Not if they are just popping round for a couple of hours

The lack of hospitality in the UK comes from not having a food centred culture. Bizarre to anyone from a culture outside this (me - you're offered food quite aggressively and persistently where I'm from 😂)

The map someone referenced above may be this one!

😂😂😂

so stingy!!

But if she suffered from that why didn’t she have enough to eat beforehand and leave earlier rather than stealing crackers and eating them in the toilet?

I think you have to shoulder some responsibility here @Playdoughy. You are aware you need to eat regularly so should have had some sort of snack with you. Even if you had been fed at the house you were visiting you might have needed something in the car.

I see things slightly differently to you. I'd be delighted to not be offered anything beyond a drink. I'm from an Irish family and as PP have said, tea and cake are the expected minimum on a visit. I'm sick of it. It's seen as rude to decline but I don't like tea or cake and having them (or a white bread and margarine sandwich) forced on me is very annoying. I don't want it and it spoils my appetite for later meals of food I would actually enjoy.

YABU to not ask for a biscuit instead of stealing them from the kitchen and eating it in the loo. That's batshit.

That’s fascinating! Thank you.

God, yes. It’s tiring and boring.

This is so true!