To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Wherever we go we always have some snacks in the car. My DP can’t last long without a snack! I’d definitely do this if you’re pregnant!

I can’t see the harm in saying when they offered you tea or coffee of “have you got any biscuits please?” The most they can say is no or offer you something.

I agree with the OP, I suffered nausea if I got too hungry throughout one of my pregnancy, it was definitely real and pretty annoying...but I never relied on other people happening to serve me something suitable, I always carried enough snacks on my person. It seems a shame to be judging your friends for not doing what you wanted, when you had a nice visit, and could have just asked for crackers or a slice of bread to heelp you out when you didn't pack enough snacks for your trip.

YABU, take your own bloody snacks 😂
I would never EXPECT someone to feed me. It’s my responsibility, especially when pregnant, to make sure I’ve got food to eat when I need it. Yes most people would offer biscuits with tea but come on!! I wasn’t going to comment on your post but having read through your responses to other commenters it’s clear you don’t think YABU and you’re not actually prepared to accept any other view point. The entitlement in your attitude is part of the problem.

@Playdoughy

I'm on the fence a bit. As has been said, you couldn't have been starving as you ate before you left, and you were only there 2 hours. So you shouldn't have been hungry really, let alone starving. (I know when you're pregnant you get a bit more hungry, but you did have lunch.) However, (IMO) it's poor etiquette to have someone around your house, give them tea or coffee, and not offer some biscuits or a slice of cake.

Agree that this is the weirdest bit. If someone lived 1.5 hours from me, I would invite them for lunch or dinner to make it more worth their while.

The OP chose a light lunch, the OP knowing how often she needs to eat, chose not to pop a few snacks in her bag. The OP decided (so weirdly) to martyr herself and not simply stop off to eat on her way home.

She then decided to steal crackers and eat them sitting on her friend's toilet.

Yes, her friend should've thought to offer her some biscuits but this is really NOT normal behaviour from the OP.

And if a pregnant woman knows someone well enough to travel to visit them, what's wrong with "Oh Barbara I feel a bit sick. Do you have a biscuit or slice of toast please?"

Preferring to sit on a toilet to eat in secret rather than simply ask that question, is very very odd indeed.

But then so was the whole 'We can't possibly stop off to eat on our way home'.

A complete lack of basic hospitality here, and how they were brazen enough to be so rude is beyond me. But there we are, some people just don't understand basic etiquette. I would have asked for something, but then I'm not shy when I'm HANGRY! A few biscuits/slice of cake would do, nothing fancy.

Op needed a Mrs. Doyle (Fr. Ted) to host that day. 😊

No, the OP needed to put a few snacks in her bag and then eat on the way home.

The moment a guest has to ask you for a snack you've failed as a host. As a host you are supposed to be hospitable. That might mean buying in a couple of things you don't normally eat, or having some left over thst goes uneaten. That's just part of inviting someone into your home! Even if you live on an island that only receives deliveries once a week, there will be the ability to offer something. If people don't want to be hosts, they shouldn't invite others over.

Yes, the OP sounds as if she has issues with food and using her words.

I suppose I'd expect to be offered a biscuit if I was having a drink at someone's house, but I don't think I'd feel especially wronged if I wasn't. You weren't there for that long.

If they're anything like me, they'll have suddenly realised when they waved you off that they forgot to get out the biscuits they'd bought especially. People get things wrong, they didn't starve you intentionally. It's not worth getting upset about or feeling like they deliberately mistreated you.

I won't be visiting your house, so don't invite me. You obviously haven't got the first clue about having people visit your home. But it seems there are a few of your sort about just the same!

The offer of a tea/coffee only is quite normal to me. Maybe a biscuit too but not always.

However if a pregnant friend explained they were feeling sick and needed to eat I would of course offer them something, but you didn't say anything. Next time ask!
I can't even look at rich tea biscuits now because I used to carry them everywhere to deal with morning sickness. Not sure why some posters can't fathom that op is pregnant and felt sick.

I’m just surprised you didn’t say anything. You have to put your pregnancy needs first.

Yes of course BUT the OP has a responsibility towards herself and her hunger.

Why would she rely on the person being a good host, rather than popping snacks in her bag?

Why would she come out with the story about 'We couldn't possibly eat on the way home'??

Very soon she'll be responsible for a baby, so learning to take responsibility now will stand her in good stead.

Otherwise fast forward and she'll be sitting her toddler on the toilet eating stolen snacks 😁

Theres a map of Europe which went viral. It detailed how culturally if you visit someone's house whether you would expect to be offered food.

Culturally theres a north / south split. In southern europe you will almost always be offered food. In northern europe you will almost never be offered food.

The UK generally falls somewhere in the middle.

So yes there are some massive cultural differences on this.

OP: 'AIBU?'

Most posters: 'Yes you are a bit.'

OP: 'No I'm not, you're all wrong.'

Why? WHY do people do this? Ask 'AIBU' and then say 'no I'm not' when told by most posters 'yes you are.'

I won't be visiting your house, so don't invite me.

Oh no, a complete anonymous random from the internet won't visit my house 💔💔💔💔😭😭😭

God there some miserable sanctimonious puritan posters around here these days.

A nearly six hour round trip and pregnant and desirous of more than breathing dust and the OP wants the world on a fucking stick apparently.

YABU, 4 hours is perfectly reasonable amount of time to go without food, and you weren't there over mealtimes. They'd probably just had lunch.

(Also I don't drink tea so it wouldn't occur to me that the done thing is to offer biscuits with it. Come to think of it I don't eat biscuits either, so...)

I also can't see how popping to the pub for a meal would be awkward 🤷

FGS, @ArseSkinForAFriend are you expecting people to pack a picnic basket if going to visit someone, just in case! The vast, vast majority of hosts would offer something especially after a long drive and having made the effort to go and see them.

Some weird people about. Glad I don't live in UK, this lack of hospitality and all the excuses for it, and strategies to overcome it would be unheard of here. Every country has a tradition of breaking bread together, but the coldness of some UK people astounds me sometimes. Some people I said, the vast majority are ace. And not you either, I get your point, but don't agree with it!

I agree with you OP, I’d say it’s rude not to provide any snacks at all, it’s bad hosting! We had friends round yesterday from 2pm, I hadn’t been feeling great but made the effort to go to the supermarket to get some savoury and sweet snacks for us. I would be really unimpressed if we experienced what you did.

Pregnant or not you were there for two hours, no I would not have expected a snack. I would have expected to go and catch up with friends. YABU sorry!

Yes true, it's possible that people my age are more likely to have savoury snacks in the house. But I've never gone round to someone's house mid-afternoon for a tea/coffee and been offered anything like that. I think the things you've listed are seen as things you eat with a glass of wine at 6pm ish, pre dinner.

I think the weird behaviour is not the failure to provide cake, but inviting people who live so far away for such a short visit. I would have invited them for lunch or dinner.

I can't believe how many people on here seem to have a house full of cake at all times. I just couldn't, I would eat it all!!