To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Your friends were rude and all the more so as they knew you had travelled from some distance to see them and that you are expecting.

Id never just offer a coffee or tea, there would always be at the very least some biscuits to go with it.

If you know someone is coming to visit, you get some things in.
If it's spur of the moment you offer from what you have i.e. a sandwich or even bunging on some oven chips to have as a nibble.
It's simple hospitality, and such a shame people don't do this automatically.

As a pp said, you weren't going to die after a few hours with no food but for a cup of tea. BUT if I were hosting that, you better believe I'd lay on sandwiches or M&S snacks, maybe a couple of mini pizzas. Especially as you're pregnant and you did all the travelling. None of that would cost over a tenner.

It's cultural yes, in my opinion. I was raised to feed any and all guests, and to this day, I offer tea, biscuits and even small cakes to British Gas, workmen, etc.

No, I wouldn't have expected anything more than a drink. When I was pregnant I carried snacks with me.
I don't understand the issue with seeing them in a pub.

My friend is like this too if you want a cuppa or a snack you help yourself 😊

Do you find people usually accept? I find it discouraging that almost everyone declines snacks. I still feel duty bound to offer them though.

I don't verbally offer, there's too much potential for awkward social things like them wondering if you mean it or it will be too much trouble. I just put snacks out as standard like some crisps or biscuits and I find people often dip in and help themselves.

50 50 I'd say! Some outright decline, I think out of embarrassment. Builders etc are far more likely to take me up on it and have absolutely no problem clearing a plate of biscuits!

I absolutely love feeding people. If they want to accept, it makes me feel good.

Well the hosts clearly had crackers. I'm not sure about the people who expect a full afternoon tea trolley, but I find it a bit odd none of you has a bag of nuts in the cupboard? Some sunflower seeds? Rice crackers? Seaweed crisps? Olives? All those things can be tossed in a bowl and set on a surface.

It’s not ‘basic manners’, though. If it were, you stealing crackers and eating them in the loo is just as much of a breach. Or it’s arguable that basic manners means bringing something to be eaten immediately (cake etc) if you’re visiting at a non-mealtime.

You were only visiting for a couple of hours mid afternoon, so not entirely unreasonable to not offer a meal such as lunch or dinner. However, if they knew you were driving at least 90mins each way just to visit them, I’m surprised they didn’t have a refreshments plan and offer cake, sandwiches etc. That is poor form!

You mentioned their nationalities and maybe that is relevant? DH usually does the drinks/biscuits/cake offerings when we have guests dropping in as he’s Scottish and very keen on being a ‘good host’.

I had a couple of gay friends who were more bothered about the pristine condition of their flat than being genial hosts. We used to travel to visit them for ‘dinner’ knowing we’d have to pop into a pub or grab a takeaway on the drive home as dinner usually consisted of 1 (frozen) oven sized large pizza between 4 of us and a single tomato each plus a few lettuce leaves. They were (v skinny) good company but lousy hosts and all their friends knew the score. 🤣🤣

See I was always taught that a gift for the hosts should not be something you expect them to serve while you're there. Fine if they want to, but not expected.

I don't snack/eat between meals and we don't usuallly have biscuits in the house, so this doesn't come automatically to me but I would hopefully have something ot offer a long distance guest.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to drive all that way and not feed them 🤷‍♀️
We have friends similar. We travel two hours, no cake, biscuits, never cook a meal. I always take cakes with me. No cultural differences here, just thoughtless and idle. Last time we visited I even made the tea myself after travelling for two hours, as wife was sat in sofa and husband disappeared into the garden with mine 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know that I would necessarily offer more than a cup of tea for people just dropping round for a couple of hours mid-afternoon, planned or otherwise. However, I’m flabbergasted that they would expect you to drive a 3 hr round trip (not to mention additional traffic) for such a short visit! An afternoon visit and then dinner - whether cooked by me or out at a restaurant - would seem much more appropriate for the effort of the journey. Did you not have more of a plan with them in advance?

We've actually had the opposite scenario several times over the past couple years - invited for a drink and served a full meal. Twice it's been really awkward because we've had onward plans - once to meet friends at the theatre and once to go to other friends house for dinner. In one instance, the hosts (their cook, actually) started rolling out a multi course Indian meal. It was a business/social thing and we couldn't extricate ourselves politely.

People living through a famine in Africa are starving. You were merely hungry.

It was very thoughtless of them. They invited you to see their new home, surely knowing the time it would take you to travel there and back, and it didn't occur to them to offer you more than a cuppa? The only thing they might be excused is not understanding the needs of pregnancy, if it's something they haven't experienced, but it's common courtesy to offer a sandwich or a biscuit if you've invited someone who's not local. I would have gone out to eat as your husband suggested though. If they're that insensitive, even if you bumped into them, I doubt they'd have been bothered!

I would never invite guests over and not offer a snack. In fact if I knew they were coming all that way I would definitely have made a meal or a substantial grazing platter. I don’t think I’ve ever been invited over to someone’s house and stayed for 2 hours without being offered a snack!

I wouldn’t offer a snack, you were there for 2hours. Now if you had toddlers I always do because my two usually graze all day so I offer when mine are snacking. I wouldn’t expect feeding or even snacks to be offered, if I visited and I wasn’t invited for a meal. Did they snack themselves or have a meal and not offered? If they did that would be rude

As a Scandinavian I can also categorically say that it's a big NO NO to have guests and not give them anything, the concept of Fika and 7 different types of cookies and goodies is real!!

YABU to steal their food and eat in the lavatory! 🤮
If friends were coming round for a couple of hours, I would offer some home made cake or nice biscuits.
Why didn't you just explain that you felt nauseous and ask politely for a slice of toast? I never had any nausea during my pregnancies, so wouldn't assume that you would need special treatment. If a guest needed something, I'd rather they just asked me politely, rather than resent me, steal my food and leave crumbs in the 🚽.

Very surprised by some comments on here. If a pregnant friend (or non-pregnant for that matter) came to visit me I’d be falling over myself to make sure they were comfortable and had everything they needed. Whether they lived next door or travelled several hours. Tea and biscuits would be the minimum. So weird. You definitely not BU.

This is what I am like, I don't think it is just a Yorkshire thing, but I am from Yorkshire.

The motto has always been if it's edible, you can eat it, if it's not edible try it at your own risk, and if you want it you can have it but you have to get it yourself.

It's just always been normal. Even as a kid going to friends houses if I asked if I could have a packet of crisps or a sandwich I'd be shown where the kitchen was and told I don't need to ask I can just help myself.

If a main meal was being made, it was being made for everyone.

If someone says they're hungry then it's a communal rummage in the cupboards until everyone is happy.

Perhaps it is just cultural, but I have always thought it to be what most people, especially working class ex coal-mining communities like mine do up and down the country.

God some people are joyless. Snacks are for children. Why would it even cross your mind to expect a biscuit or piece of cake. I don't buy cakes. If you can't go 2 hours without eating there's something wrong with you.

I am Scottish, we feed people as common courtesy. No pressure to eat, no forcing people but you put out a plate of biscuits and some cake - it's just what you DO.