To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Why would it be rude to go for food nearby if you are hungry?
Id offer something. Agree its strange.

You're also hormonal and pregnant, I cried in a public once when about 2 months pregnant because they brought me the wrong chicken.

That’s classic Mn, though. Many people on here just can’t handle relationships and overthink completely unimportant stuff as a consequence. If you’re happy to see someone, food and drink is a side issue.

But that isn't the point. Of course she could have used her common sense.

We are talking about the "hosts" and whether you would expect someone who knows you have a 3 to 4 hour round trip (after being invited, not just turning up out of the blue) to offer a biscuit/ piece of cake. Not a full blown roast dinner, but the bare minimum.

So OP was not BU to hope for something more than a cup of tea!

I’ll repeat, I’d ask them if they wanted or needed anything.

I wouldn’t have a buffet out for them for a two hour visit unless it was allocated as such.

We visited MIL & FIL at their holiday home abroad. 3 hour flight, followed by picking up a hire car (took ages) and then driving an hour to their house.

We arrived around 11pm, having had no dinner, and no drinks or food was offered! DH had to ask, and then they offered a bottle of (warm) white wine, but there was no food in the house, not even a loaf of bread!

Went to bed starving, and when we got up the next day.....no breakfast!

We had to go out in search of food, but it was a local holiday and most places were closed. Finally found a shop open where we bought some weird stuff to eat - at this point we hadn't eaten for 24 hours.

I will never, ever go back!

My family is so different. If we visited my parents, they would have a big curry or similar in the oven, and you'd get a glass of wine shoved in your hand the minute you walked in the door. My family are feeders and look after guests so well, so it was such a shock to go somewhere and not be afforded any hospitality!

I have been pregnant several times without any nausea so it's not guaranteed a host would know. Maybe I just snacked a lot?

‘awwwk i have awful morning sickness. Do you have some toast please?‘

or if not pregnant .i should’ve eaten a bit more for lunch. Would you mind if I take a cracker?‘

@Playdoughy i said you are being unreasonable. As you should have went for dinner when you left and if you jumped into them what would the issue be ? You say oh we have had a long day told traveling and no food I had to eat before heading home. However there is no explanation needed .
I think there behaviour was very rude .

Mather they expected you to bring something with you ( as like a housewarming gift )

Two things going on here -

1. The OP saw this as a 6-hour event and the hosts saw it as a 2-hour event. This was the hosts' error.

2. Generational and maybe regional differences. I'm 30s, British, a Londoner. If I ever visit a peer for a couple of hours, mid-afternoon, I'm not offered biscuits or cake (or a cheese platter?!). Would only be offered biscuits by older people. No one my age has biscuits in the house.

I don't think it's health-consciousness - plenty of my peers have deliveroo addictions and happily eat pizzas and burgers etc - but biscuits and cake in the house is kind of grannyish behaviour.

There is also probably some snobbishness about shop-bought cake, and most full-time workers aren't baking cakes because someone's coming round for 2 hours. If one of my friends popped round and I had some e.g. homemade brownies just hanging around, great, but if I had baked for them or run out and specially bought some Mr Kipling for them, this would be considered odd and OTT.

Ultimately I think the OP is out of step with norms for her peer group.

From their point of view, you were only there 2 hours. OK, you drove to get there, but perhaps they weren't thinking about that.

But if I were you, I'd have said, "Friend, I'm feeling a bit faint with the pregnancy, do you have a biscuit or something?!

I don't really get this, you should have asked...you can still be pretty good friends with someone and still feel a bit awkward about asking for a biscuit or a slice of toast. Or maybe not that close, but in process of becoming closer. Well I can imagine it feeling a bit awkward anyway.

I also dont think its a case of how long can you go without food - obviously no ones going to die if they don't eat for a few hours, but it's a courtesy, social etiquette thing. Even couple of hob nobs isn't excessive...

You sound rather obsessed with food - if you needed to eat something then bring something yourself. You actually stole some food??

Sorry, but YABU. They didn't actually invite you for lunch or tea, and you said you were popping in for a couple of hours. It depends on what time you arrived. If it was 12pm then they should have offered you a sandwich. If it was 2pm then it was between meals and I wouldn't expect to be fed.

When I was pregnant I was sick every day for most of the pregnancy. I carried biscuits everywhere I went, so I do think that is something that you should consider.

Yes, it took me years to be able to look at a cream cracker again!

I dont have biscuits or cake or snack food in the house in general as we don't snack. It really wouldn't occur to me to offer food during a short two hour visit! Would assume adults fed themselves before arriving?

How people maintain relationships and friendships in the real world being this obtuse I’ll never know.

I’m reading the comments and I start to understand the poor state of our society.

OP, come to my house, I would always offer you a drink and a snack! :)

Maybe it is cultural? If you stepped into my Scottish family's house for an hour you'd leave 3 sizes bigger 🤣 I think it's the same for my Irish friends. In England it's hit and miss. I've been into a friends home from Yorkshire where she showed me around the kitchen and then said "treat this like your home and make yourself a cup of tea/grab a snack whenever you like". At first I found it really rude, that she wouldn't make tea for the guests, but then I realised it was actually really lovely being immediately considered a member of the family even if it meant I made everyone a cup of tea in her house! But I've been to other English family homes (well to do middle class mind) where they offered lunch and said "you can have cheese or ham, not both" which blew my mind at the stinginess!

Oh no, according to the OP she ate them sitting on the loo lol.

What you have in the house normally is irrelevant, it’s odd to invite someone to your home knowing they’ve a 4 hour return journey and not go out of your way in the slightest.

Why didn't you just say "I'm hungry, do you perhaps have a snack I could have please".

I'd have no issues asking a friend this?!

This thread has made me rethink all my social engagements over the past few years. I’m not in the UK.
I’ve realised all of them have been explicit about what was on offer.
Come round for lunch.
Pop in for morning tea.
Let’s catch up for afternoon tea.

which helps because everyone knows what’s expected.
I interpret a ‘cuppa’ and afternoon tea as two very separate and different events.

I'm not a fan or forcing food on others or of having it forced on me, but surely putting out a few plates of nibbles on the coffee table, or kitchen worktop is the socially adept way forward?

YANBU if you’d popped in without letting me know I may not have anything on hand as I don’t keep much in the way of snacky foods on hand.
But if I knew you were coming I’d at a minimum have some packet biscuits on hand and if I knew you were traveling 1.5hrs to see me I’d definitely put on a little spread.