To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

But they didnt teleport their way did they. There was a 3.5 - 4 hr round trip as well as the 2 hours there.

So rude not to offer something, even a biscuit.

You need to speak up! A couple of hours visit with a cup of tea only offered seems absolutely fine. Personally, I would have clarified with you whether you'd had lunch or wanted anything to eat. People either forget what it's like being pregnant or they don't know or their experience is different. It's a shame you didn't ask. They wanted to host you, but your experience turned out to be a negative one because you were too polite to say anything.

An office job yes, but most jobs aren’t office based.

Teachers, shop assistants, factory workers, vets, doctors, bus drivers etc - most jobs do not allow you to snack. You eat during your breaks.

Even working in office I wouldn’t want to get into the habit of snacking constantly and assume most people don’t typically spend their days having a regular snacks whilst at work even if they could.

Sorry I have only read your messages op - I clicked yabu because it was only two hours and maybe they just didn’t think/remember to offer a snack. However inviting you to visit them, knowing its over a drive away and you are pregnant, and then only offering you a glass of water is a bit strange.

Is there any chance the offer to pop in was more of an ‘if you are ever in the area pop in’ type thing. It’s possible there was some kind of miscommunication? i do think uou should have said oh I hope you don’t mind I was starving so I grabbed a cracker. Or you could have equally said as you were leaving ‘is there anywhere nearby you would recommend dh and I pop in for some lunch’ thst would have taken away snd awkwardness if they did see you. No point seething about the lack of hosting and never speaking to them again snd not dropping some hints what the problem was! But it sounds like you could let the friendship drop unless they make an effort to keep the connection going.

sure it’s weird not to mention would you like some biscuits BUT why didn’t you ask for a sandwich???

Use your words.

Mumsnet is a strange place sometimes, the same people who provide a feast for workmen who are going to be there for five minutes expect a pregnant guest and her husband, who have been invited, to go all day with only a glass of water - bizarre. Or coffee, but do pregnant women even drink coffee? I certainly couldn't. They were thoughless to the point of rudeness OP, I can't fathom it. And as for the performative undereating on here - it's not big or clever, it's just self deprivation.

It's not just about a snack though. It's about good hosting, op is pregnant and anyway there are plenty of jobs where you can eat whenever you want

I have just made our window cleaner a cup of tea 😁
Do I win?

I solve this by not having visitors 😂 but when I did it was for longer than a couple of hours so always some sort of food, usually I'd make the effort and do afternoon tea.

I don't expect to be fed if I'm popping round for coffee mind you.

As an Irish person I can confirm it's be tea, biscuits, crisps, fruit, sandwich and utter mortification if someone stops by and I've nothing to offer. I remember the first (actually only) time I took a guy back to my flat at uni I was mortified I'd no biscuits because I was on a shoestring budget so I made him tea and toast. Which with hindsight I'm not sure was what he was after.

II think it is utterly bizarre to invite people who live at least 90 mins away, knowing one is pregnant, and not offer them even a rich tea biscuit!

Right, but my point was that plenty of us have office jobs and, within the confines of that, it's a personal decision how often you want to eat or not. It's not really for any of us to impose that decision on others. You might not want to get into the habit of snacking constantly, but I prefer that to larger meals.

That aside, I wouldn't freak out if someone didn't offer me food on a visit, but I would think it was pretty crap hosting, and I would never not offer a guest something.

You will have a cup of tea, sure you will? Awk you will!

Bizarre. Some people are staggeringly shit at hosting.

I remember being invited to Sunday lunch - me DH plus 2 kids. Drove nearly 2 hours. THERE WAS NO LUNCH. Not so much as a crisp was offered. WFT?

And you ate the crackers in the loo? I’m stumped

Hardly the same as not being invited for a meal and not getting one though !

Yeah but if you've got a 2 hour journey, and you're going to someone's house where you've not specifically been invited for food..it wouldn't be unreasonable to use a bit of your own common sense and eat before? Which by all accounts the OP did as she had lunch so why the whining over a sodding biscuit is beyond me.

Take a snack? Stop for a Maccies? Or also, you'll be okay waiting for food for a few hours. Pregnant is a red herring. How people exist in the real world, I'll never know.

If i invited people for a ‘house warming’ type afternoon i would definitely have bought some snacks at least, maybe not a full on meal but just bits to pick at on the table. It’s more sociable too to eat and drink together surely?

I always have my own snacks as im T1 diabetic but I can’t comment on whether that’s usual for others, probably not

How would you word that? I would find it difficult as OP likely did.

I’m Irish, and find the performative forced refreshment thing tiring and boring. Ironically, in view of this thread, it was from English friends, when living for many years in England, that I learned to love its absence.

The point for me is that it was impolite to invite someone 90mins-2 hrs away and not plan the timing to cover a meal. The invitation should have been for lunch unless it was a genuinely casual “pop in if you’re passing” situation. That said there is an element of gaucheness on the OPs side too; no idea at all why you’d feel awkward going to the pub for a late lunch/early dinner in this situation before a 2 hr drive back home.

On second thought, if they’ve just got a new property, are they a bit broke and thinking you might arrive with a couple of trays of food?

For all we know, the timing was of the OP’s choice.

Yeah...maybe I should have also brought in groceries with me and suggested I cook for all of us there.
The more I read these comments the more I realise the staggering difference when it comes to basic manners.

Its called being hospitable though. Some people have no idea of the social graces