To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Pregnancy. As has been pointed out already on this thread, many women get nauseous when their stomach is empty during pregnancy.

context makes you not unreasonable.

however I wouldn't have travelled that far too see someone without being close enough to ask for a snack. especially as bein pregnant is a bit of a very out clause for many social niceties.

they may have assumed you'd go up, eat then pop in to see them but a biscuit should be a fairly minimum offer.

did you take a house warming gift? a box of fresh cakes for us to have with our coffee is also a useful thing to arrive with

It's just social etiquette isn't it, if someone is driving 90 mins to visit you offer refreshments.
Doesn't matter if some posters go hours without eating, if someone is driving a distance to visit you offer something to snack on.

I would have made a cake to offer you.

Yes, but it’s the pregnant woman’s responsibility to cater for her own changed eating patterns, or to use her words and ask for food. If you’ve travelled an averagely long distance to see someone, it’s odd to me that the OP didn’t just ask for a slice of toast, but stole crackers and ate them in the loo, and then refused to go to a nearby pub to eat in case the friends they just left saw them because, mystifyingly, this would be ‘super awkward’.

In the first trimester I'd wretch and vomit (what little was there) after exactly 2 hours since last eating, by the time i gave birth this window had increased to 4-5 hours, so i totally get how OP felt.

But i always had emergency biscuits with me everywhere i went, also i don't get the nonsense with the pub meal, she's going to need to mature a lot in the next few months to be ready for a baby.

i do think you are unreasonable about not going to the pub. you were starving but refused to have a proper meal on the slim off chance they also immediately followed you out the house and happened upon the same pub. at that point it does feel a bit "no, no, just drive, I have a dry crackers and some tepid rain water I caught!" martyrish

That should be "any circumstances". Can't edit it for some reason.

Suggesting it might be hospitable to put out a dish of almonds or a few cookies or some cheese and crackers for a (pregnant) guest is shrieking? Goodness.

I've never made a guest basket in my life, but I do make cookie dough and freeze it in balls so I can stick some in the oven if we have unexpected guests.

I always pack loads of snacks if we’re visiting because people just vary so much in what they offer guests. It took several years of marriage for me to work out that my in laws weren’t offering me anything because I’m “family” so I am at liberty to ask or help myself, like DH.

many jobs allow people to have a drink during their shift, depending on the job is say it's unusual to only be allowed water

Me, too, and in fact I pulled some out yesterday when relatives called, but I wouldn’t particularly notice whether someone offered me food or not if visiting them. For me, a drink, whether it’s tea or coffee or something alcoholic, is what constitutes the refreshment.

Lots of people have jobs where we can eat what we want when we want. No one's ever stuck their head in, either in the office or when I'm WFH, to demand an explanation as to why I'm having an apple and a piece of cheese at that moment. And unless I'm in meetings or with clients it would be unusual for me to go 4 hours without something.

I'm Irish living in UK and wouldn't dream of not offering drink and snack the as soon as someone arrives even if they have just popped down the road for five minutes. Maybe it's a cultural thing? As whenever we visit our family in Ireland we often end up calling on several relatives one after another in order to see them all and will end up eating at every house! I also think it is a regional thing in the UK too. I find our family in the North and Wales to be far more hospital than the SE.
Whatever the reason I would feel as you do OP if I was not offered anything after travelling so far but judging by the responses on here I am in the minority!

It's cultural. Would never happen in a south asian household. You'd be offered a veritable feast for just stopping by. And twice as much given you're pregnant.

No-one goes hungry in my house

It's cultural. Would never happen in a south asian household. You'd be offered a veritable feast for just stopping by. And twice as much given you're pregnant.

No-one goes hungry in my house

I think you should probably have taken your own snack if you are aware you're likely to feel nauseous after a few hours. You could have gone to the loo to eat it if too embarrassed to get it out in front of them.

However if I invited people to come over to see my new place, I would provide snacks (or invite them for a meal) if they had to travel a long way. Maybe not if local as I've often found people refuse the offer of food between meal times.

If you really felt that bad though, could you not have just asked for a slice of bread - it's awkward, but if they are friends, they'd understand surely - especially as you're pregnant?

I voted YANBU but on reflection, maybe you are?

A 90 minutes- 2 hrs drive is not in “pop in for a cuppa” territory though. It was an invitation which involved effort from the visitors and therefore should have involved effort from their hosts. Offering invited guests who have driven 2 hours to see you something more than one cup of tea is hardly turning “hosting” into a massive deal.

Strange friendship when you cannot say either before you go, what shall we do about food because I know I will be a bit hungry - shall I bring something or shall we go out ? Or even when there ask , have you got anything to eat ?

Someone who is a close friend I would expect formalities to have disappeared.
This is strange to me.

Don’t think you can beat this:

Had agreed with a friend to go round after she bought a new house. Duly went round after work with a gift - no one home. She finally called me back after 45 mins to say she was at the cinema. She had completely forgotten.

She suggested I go round the following week and she’ll make me dinner to make up for it. Said that’s fine but really no need to make me dinner - these things happen.

I went round the following week. Whilst I was there, her and her husband sat on the dining table and ate dinner without offering me anything. I guess in her mind me turning down her offer of making me dinner the previous week meant no dinner when I’m there, but that’s very different to the two of them eating dinner whilst I’m sat on the sofa with only a cup of tea…

I think they should have offered a piece of cake or biscuits and a few cups of tea or coffee.
I think you should have said you were feeling nauseous due to the pregnancy and asked if you could have a piece of toast.

And I think this was just plain daft.
I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.

Who cares if they also ended up in the pub? They didn't feed you. You needed to eat. A meal would have been nice before driving back.

I would never invite someone round from that far away without planning to give them a meal. That’s just odd.

I didn't mention people rushing around cleaning like mad or arranging guest baskets? I would agree they probably aren't used to having visitors very often.
If I had 'arranged' a visit with friends who were travelling some distance then I would do the same as you. If I didn't have time to bake then someone in the house would nip out for something.
We have never arranged to visit friends who live a distance away and not been offered anything at any time of the day.
Casual visits throughout the week, I don't fret if I don't have anything in cos everyone is local.
I would not expect any guests to provide food.

Don't care what time of day, I always offer refreshments, liquid and solid! Workmen if onsite are fed too and in very hot weather I offer delivery operatives a drink too.

But the visit was timed to be after lunch and well before dinner time. I mean, don’t be my mother, who always thinks people say they will have eaten just to ‘be polite’. Some relatives visiting from overseas were once very clear about how they would have just finished a big restaurant lunch when they called to say goodbye on their way to the airport (they’d already seen my parents more than once for longer — this was just a goodbye drop-in before they left). My mother, however, thought they were just ‘being polite’ and had prepared a three-course meal she was then inwardly seething they didn’t eat.