AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

[ItWasCalledYellow]

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

I can see why you probably don't want to make a fuss OP but this is why people like this continue to get away with this sort of behaviour 😞 You've probably lost her as a friend anyway now so what have you got to lose? Don't let her take the piss anymore and grow a backbone. I'm saying this nicely.

"Happy to go elsewhere but you may remember you specifically asked to go to this one. Unfortunately due to late cancellation I lost my deposit, please send £200"
Of course, you'll never actually see the cheeky cow again.

That would constitute a threat of harassment tbh. You would be unhinged to contact every single one of her social media friends over £200.
Would you really do or say this? I think not.

"Hi...hope you're having a good evening. Still looking for your share of the spa booking, £200. Let me know when you've transferred. Thanks. Xx"

Don't ask, tell.

YANBU OP, I’d be mortified and offering you it , if I were in that friends position.

She is no friend.she is maybe lying about everything full stop because she hadn’t saved money etc.

Frozen veg means the son's leg was just bruised-so the whole cancellation is bullshit. I would ask her for the full cost, point out she wantedthe one near you and when the full amount is not forthcoming the friendship is at an end.

Yes. And the fact she hasn't,means she was trying to wriggle out of it. I'd be mortified if I had to let a friend down like that and transferring the money before you even had to ask 😔

This...

The text:
Hey! So glad X’s leg is ok and you didn’t have to suffer A&E!
I paid the whole amount so don’t worry, they won’t be chasing us. However, I am out of pocket for your part so are you able to transfer me £xxx please?
I’d happily cover it if I could but I’m sure you’ll understand, having 3 kids that’s going to mean a sacrifice to either them or me.
Hopefully we can reschedule and book a date in suitable for us both to escape for a day in the not too distant future x

I agree absolutely.

No. Too crawly.
"Are you able please?"
She'll say no, she's not able and she'll bullshit OP some more. It's handing her a get out. Don't ask, tell.

"I'd happily cover it if I could."
Would you? Happily? That's wet. Stop putting ideas in her head about what a walkover you are.

I know that's harsh but seriously, given she hasn't replied to the initial request we can safely plan for her trying not to pay. She will be hoping the OP will back down and not pursue it. Your message is almost apologetic. Nah.

I suppose I might not harass her on social media but I really would be very angry. I'd not be able to let her get away with this. After a clear deadline with a request for payment with bank details I'd follow up with a letter and move on to the small claims court. And I'd have no qualms about telling people what she'd done.

Have you actually asked her for the money though OP? If so, has she responded? There is lots of other ink on the thread but really this is the main point

This

I would be so petty and be sending screenshot of the timed dhe specifically asked to go to that spa, telling her that the driving didnt bother her then when she was suggesting it and when you was paying for it on your card.
She may not pay you but I couldnt jusy leave it without being passive aggressive and sending the proof that it wasnt even your idea to begin with.

That's fair enough.

Send her an invoice with your bank details and then don’t contact her again except to resend the invoice when she ignores it or messages you something else.

I would use @Striveforcompetence’s message & send that to her along with your bank details. She’s a cheeky fucker & I’d not let her away with it.

Ask for the money.

This - tell her that if she doesn't reimburse you, you will take her to the small claims court. I don't think it will cost you a lot as you can do all the paperwork yourself.

Ask her for half, if she was planning on paying for herself and agreed to the booking that’s totally reasonable. She might be fine just thought you might not ask and she would get lucky. I’d probably would have said it’s non refundable as soon as she said she couldn’t come and if she should of said she would obviously send her half over.

if your furious it can’t get any worse but she mayagree to pay and be apologetic, if she doesn’t want to pay make her feel like a prick.

regardless of financial situations you didn’t offer to take her! All you did was front the money with the expectation of a transfer, or she’s a grifter and need cutting off x

I would call this person an ex friend!

She is not a friend!

What a horrible woman she has revealed herself to be.

I would be so annoyed that I'm being forced to chase her for the money. The way she's reframing the whole arrangement now just shows she's trying to push it all onto you.

It's not just the 200.for her share that's unfair is it? You ended up also paying that for yourself for a day out on your own. There's no way you would have decided to do that voluntarily.

She's an absolute bitch.

I'd write

Hi ex friend,

I'm going to be straight with you - I'm really upset at how I've been treated here. You cancelled last minute and I ended up paying 400 pounds for a day out you had suggested on my own. There's no way I'd spend 200 on that willingly. On top of that you haven't confirmed you've transferred the money for your half. To add insult to injury your last message seemed to be implying I suggested the spa day - it's been you repeatedly.

I don't really have much more to say about it except please transfer your share minimum asap and confirm when it's done.

This is perfect.