AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

[ItWasCalledYellow]

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

She owes you the money for her part of the day. End of.

Hi friend, unfortunately due to you being unable to make it at such short notice you’ve incurred £££ so can you send to my account. Shame you didn’t make it as you were so excited and had wanted to go for ages. Let’s look at somewhere halfway for next time.

to the point, acknowledging it was her idea nd still keeping friendly terms and open invitation for another time

And this. She’s an adult, she should know last minute cancellation charges and so on happen. Tough she didn’t get to go to spa. And don’t pay for her again.

Well obviously she still owes you half. I think this would have been different had you found someone else to go with who was willing to pay instead but no, you paid double the price for your treatments!

Pull on big girl pants and send her a text with the amount she owes and your bank details. The fact that she didn’t immediately offer shows your friendship is on shaky ground, if she pays maybe she can redeem herself. If she ignores you or refuses then you’ll know who she really is and you can step away.

‘Booking this spa was your idea. Because you cancelled with less than 48 hours notice I’ve had to pay the full cost (did she know this?). You owe me half the balance. Here are my bank details’.

Hope you get sorted and she pays you back what she owes you.

Definitely not being unreasonable. In fact, I'd say SHE'S the one who has been unreasonable - and taking the piss.

Don't mess about. Either get on the phone or email her and ask for YOUR money back. You just do not treat anyone like that, never mind friends.

And I wouldn't be going on any spa dates with her in future.

Why haven’t you asked her for the money?

Then be more direct! She’s taking the piss out of you.

message her ‘here’s my bank deets.. can you transfer your share ASAP as I need to pay my credit card bill. Thanks!’

Yes that's absolutely out of order. I do wonder if maybe you'd missed a hint from her, I wonder if, when she suggested the spa near you she was expecting you to go "oh but that's right here and you'll have to drive it all, why don't we meet half way - look xyz spa would be better for both". I appreciate it's quite "round the houses" but I do this quite often when I want to see friends - "oh look there's this restaurant in south London by your house- we should go" then my friend will normally go "dont treck all the way down here, let's meet centrally for lunch". I think it's possible that whilst she was saying- let's go to this spa - she actually meant, I'd love to see you for a spa, and you say you're busy, so here's an example close to home. Then when push came to shove, she actually couldn't be bothered with the treck down and had built it up in her head to feel like you're the unreasonable one for not suggesting something halfway or nearer her. That's her problem though.

Either way, it's occurred and you aren't unreasonable and she 1000% owes you £200 (or £100 if the £200 was for 2 people - she owes 100% of the cost of her space). Personally, I'd just keep asking her for the money. She will get bored of reminders and eventually pay you. Or she will block you. I guess in theory you could go to small claims court but I doubt it's actually worth it.

@Ireallywantadoughnut36 how cryptic and immature!

That is so odd. If someone sent me your message I'd assume they wanted to go to that particular restaurant.

Of course it is worth a small claim to recover £200. It costs £35 (for that amount) which is automatically added to the claim.

Use money claim online (official Government website). You have to register first but then it is quite straightforward.

I have had to do this in the past. A real friend would not treat you like this.

A real friend would not jump straight to small claims!

I get that this is poor behaviour but it seems very weird that they are good enough friends to spend £400 to hang out together at a spa but not close enough to have a proper conversation about what has happened.

I expect that the OP has long gone, but the questions I’d be asking are - is this out of character? Is there something wrong?
Less likely…. Is there any possibility that they hadn’t realised that the booking was payable in advance?

Sure the friend should repay the money. Not disputing that.

Hi …., following the cancellation of the spa, please transfer £££ into my bank account to cover your bill. My bank details are:…
see you next time x

@Ireallywantadoughnut36 not the case at all, it was all her that kept asking to come to the spa near me, I did not suggest a spa day as a day out together. She had mentioned at least 20 times let’s do a spa day in the spa near me, she had seen it online and really wanted to go and it has fantastic reviews.

It was £200 each, I think I am actually most annoyed that it was her pushing to go and then I think it was made up about DS injury. She just could not of been bothered with the drive, we regularly see each other when I visit family in the area she lives. I will be keeping my distance going forward.

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Don't let her get away without paying you first.

If you are keeping your distance going forward, you have nothing to lose demanding your money back. Are you afraid of her badmouthing you or something? £200 (£400 if you take account of the fact you only agreed to it because she badgered you) is a fair amount of money to just write off without another word.

Agreed.

This! Use her grown up words

You are a massive child if you skirt around things like that. What is wrong with you?

Yes of course you should be furious, and where's the money so-called 'friend' owes you? Has she not coughed up yet? Also, it's weird that she insisted on this particular spa, and (cheekily?) asked if she could come to yours afterwards, then changes her tune and wants to go somewhere else. Has she got form for this?

Well… and others may not agree… it would enrage me to the point that I would be telling her that if it isn’t in my bank account by X date then not only will I be showing up at her house to embarrass her in front of her neighbours and family, but that I will also be notifying every single one of her friends on social media to tell them what a flaky POS she is. If you are cutting ties you have nothing to lose. And there is no way no how I would be letting her off the £200. Never