AIBU to think the relative handled the drunk teenager appropriately?

[Random321]

16 year old supposed to be at a friend's house ends up drinking and calls a relative (not a parent) after midnight to come get her.

She's collected, tipsy but not dangerous, small cut which is cleaned up, given water & toast and give a bed for the night and is supervised for the night to make sure she's ok.

Should the relative have rang parents and brought her to home or did they do the right thing in making sure she's alright and looked after her and brought her home in the morning instead.

I am none of the people in this story but just interested in people's opinions.

Damage may not have been done. But their position is still perfectly reasonable. So the logical response is "ah no worries, we'll know for next time". Not doubling down as seen in this thread.

F the parents are aggressively swearing about it, then keeping the teen overnight was absolutely the right decision. The teen wasn’t in any condition to be yelled at (or worse). Being treated kindly and with understanding means they know they have someone to turn to if they need help in future.

Plus when you yell at a kid/teen they stop feeling sorry for what they’ve done and get defiant instead. Not a great outcome.

Done what she done for her relative but also phoned the parents to update them. Why wouldn’t they call the parent? I hope they were not intending to cover it up.

The relative did the right thing.
Very good and very kind of them.

I think what the relative did was right as long as the parents knew she was safe and wasn't expecting her home.
My children are grown up now but I would have been very grateful if someone had helped one of my children like that. As long as I knew they were safe.
Teenagers get up to all sorts and I don't think parents need to know everything.

I suspect that 16 year keeps a lot of secrets from their parents.

@Random321 Wish I'd had a brother and SIL like that when I got pissed at 16. No way would I have wanted to my parents to see me in that state, especially my father. And I would've begged my uncle not to tell them, which is undoubtedly what happened here. She had the sense to phone someone safe and she was very well looked after. Your bro and SIL did everything that they thought was right and this is just a fairly typical episode in a teenager's life (well, it was for me). Your sister is angry because she feels undermined, which is pathetic imo.

It's stressful to find out that your child wasn't where they'd said they would be and where they were supposed to be.

To learn that another adult you trust had learned this before you and not told you where your child was must feel even more stressful.

I can see how it could feel like quite a betrayal and definitely compounding the stress to find out that not only had your child lied to you, but that they ended up in another place the parents didn't know they'd be - and that their own sibling knew and didn't give them a heads up.

Also just to add, my 16yo takes medication that my siblings don't know about that makes her more susceptible to dehydration and other things. A teenager wouldn't necessarily think to mention this in a drunken state.

I would agree with your brother.

If he’d have taken her straight home against her wishes, she may not call him next time.

she called a trusted adult to get her out of a situation she was uncomfortable with. I would rather my kids call any relative they felt they could rather than stay in a situation they didn’t feel safe in.

Parenral responsibility?
I hope to god you didnt throw that corker at dsis!
Your Dsis did know where she was, supposedly sleeping at a friend's, she couldn't step in as she wasn't aware that there was an issue.
It was good of DB to step in but he should
have text dsis and given her a heads up.
Id be annoyed too, anything could have happened and your dsis had a right to know that there was an issue with HER dd.

My first reaction would have been to ask why I wasn't called or text by db immediately, it's not his or your place to decide when the actual parent is informed.

Dn didn't want to call her dm because she knew she'd be in trouble, why did she know she'd be in trouble?
Because you dsis is a decent parent who cares about her safety.
Dn went for the weakest link, your db.

If the parents were not expecting the child home then I probably would've just sent a text saying that child was with me but she is fine and can stay, we will bring her back tomorrow.

They could have sent her parents a text to let them know where she was but other than that, I don’t think it’s a huge issue. If my son was in that position I’d feel upset that he didn’t think he could call me rather than his uncle but that’s something I’d take up with my son.

If it was my niece I would have messaged my sister with the option of dropping her back home or her staying at mine until the morning. I know my sister wouldn't have gone ballistic with either of us and she most probably wouldn't have seen the message at that time either.

I think that your brother and sister in law dealt with it well especially the getting niece to tell her parents.

@DonewhatIcando No, of course I didn't say that to my sister. I'm not stupid.

I am a mother to a 16 year old. I would be sad they didn't want to call me, but glad they had someone they trusted to turn to.

If I wasnt expecting them home, I can't imagine being angry that they didn't come home, and were somewhere safe with a trusted adult.

I'd thank my sister/brother.

@Random321 I’m a parent and I would be very angry if one of my relatives did this with my child without informing me. I would have appreciated a text “nothing to worry about xxxx called me and asked me to pick them up from “Amelia’s” house. She has had a few drinks is a little tipsy but otherwise perfectly ok. I will make sure she sleeps on her side and is safe. You are more than welcome to come round and stay or take her home if you want, equally she is free to stay the night. I don’t want to wake you unnecessarily hence the text. I will leave my mobile on, please ring me if you need me. X”

@ThatEagerGreyCrab can I ask why if you don't mind?

No way would I have rang my sister at 2am and woke her up - what’s the point.

The teen would have been too drunk to be punished and so the best thing was to let her sleep and then sort it in the morning.

Your brother sounds lovely and your sister sounds like a twat.

I feel sorry for the child and it’s no wonder she felt safer phoning the uncle.

Next time they can get up at 2am and go and get their own kid.

If I was the parent in this scenario I’d be so grateful my daughter was sensible enough to ring my sibling and thankfully that she was picked up and cared for by them.

It wouldn’t occur to be to be cross with either party to be honest. What a sensible girl to realise she was in a tricky situation and feel close enough to a relative to seek help.

I hope my children feel able to call on any of their uncles or aunties when they’re older and make typical teenage mistakes

Why?

Does your sister not trust you to take care of her child?

My sister would be so grateful to me and just feel bad that I’d had to get up at 2am.

No way would she be angry and I definitely wouldn’t be angry at her neither.

I’d have done exactly the same, the child’s wellbeing would be most important in the moment

You clearly are clueless if you don’t get your sisters pov. Your niece is her child. It’s up to your sister/ger husband to decide who cares for her. It doesn’t matter that all was fine. What if she actually had a concussion? What if she’d choked on her sick in the night? It’s not your call to make, she’s not your child.

i would be grateful you had cared for her but I would be pissed you hadn’t given me the chance to make that choice.

I completely agree.

We’ve always told all of the children that they can ring any of their uncles or aunts and we will come and pick them up if we can, no matter where it is or how late it is.

I’d rather that than my child be so scared to ring anyone that they end up in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.