AIBU to think the relative handled the drunk teenager appropriately?

[Random321]

16 year old supposed to be at a friend's house ends up drinking and calls a relative (not a parent) after midnight to come get her.

She's collected, tipsy but not dangerous, small cut which is cleaned up, given water & toast and give a bed for the night and is supervised for the night to make sure she's ok.

Should the relative have rang parents and brought her to home or did they do the right thing in making sure she's alright and looked after her and brought her home in the morning instead.

I am none of the people in this story but just interested in people's opinions.

There is no black and white answer to this. Totally depends on the relationships of the people involved

I think I’d just want a courtesy message because at 16 she is still a child, parents had no clue she was no longer at friends.

Maybe the mum feels a bit jealous / sad that her daughter didn’t call her and feels a bit put out even though your brother and SIL did the right thing going to get her.

I know it’s hard but I’d try and stay out of it all as you are getting dragged into it

Agree.

Relative did a great job in looking after teen but should have messaged the parents to advise about whereabouts and status of teen.

Parents should be thanking relative and questioning/evaluating why their own child didn't call them, rather than nit picking at an extremely supportive relative.

Your sister is likely upset that her DD didn’t feel like she could call her at 2am and that will be impacting the annoyance at your brother.

There was nothing to be gained by adding another layer of people awake at 2am when she was safe, and it was a good lesson for your niece to know that your brother would go get her, but that he wouldn’t keep unsafe choices from her mum.

I think from their reaction we can deduce why she didn't call them tbh.

At the very very very most your sister should be saying “thank you, but if it happens again please message me regardless of the time”.

Causing a row is just daft as the teen is unlikely to call mum or uncle now and that just makes her less safe.

Truthfully that isn’t the other adults choice. They have no PR! That is absolutely clueless to not be able to comprehend that. It isn’t what the parents can/can’t do, it’s the fact that as parents they hold responsibility!

They could have texted the kids parents to say 'she wasn't enjoying it at her mate's and she's turned up at mine. She's just knackered so I said she could stay and I've given her something to eat. I'll drive her home in the morning. Hope that's Ok.'

No need to mention her being drunk. Though if the mum found out she wasn't at her mates she could start to panic.

But generally they shouldn't be using this person for lifts. So they should tell the kid they are welcome to come round but they're not a taxi service.

The OP has already said she thinks she called her uncle because he was close and crucially she thought he wouldn't tell her mum. I suspect next time she will probably call the OP if she thinks she will keep it a secret.

I think you’re misunderstanding why people think the parents should have been told. It has nothing to do with thinking that your brother and SIL were not capable.

No, but that is the parent's decision to make. And as you can see, the vast majority of parents would expect to attend least be informed, whether you agree or not.

At 16 a hospital wouldn’t contact parents if asked not too, schools can keep information from parents at that age as well.

The OP’s sister is lucky her DD confided in someone trustworthy, and someone who encouraged her to speak to her mother. In many, many other cases the mother would still be clueless.

Having a go at the person her daughter trusted is madness as she’s just removed a layer of safety from her child and potential future information from herself.

Are my my sister?.

Surely, parental responsibility is knowing where your child is and not abusing those who step in when you don't!

I would have done exactly the same as my brother. I wouldn't have hid it from her parents either.

But can you hear and understand all the differing opinions here?

I don't have kids, so may also be clueless, but the parents might want reminding that they are lucky DD has someone she feels safe calling drunk at 2am, and that if he'd handed her over to her parents he might have betrayed that trust and left DD with no one she was comfortable to ring next time...

FWIW I was (privately) very upset that my DD called my SIL and not me. I felt like I’d failed her. I’d put money on that being a large part of your sisters anger @Random321

Honestly I'm not sure why you posted. You're ignoring most of those posting and determined not to see the other side?

As a parent, I have always made it clear that my DC can call me no matter what.

There are two concerns here for me. The child didn’t call their parents first - why? What were they worried about? Secondly, why is the parent is angry with the person who did collect them and also made sure child told them instead of keeping it secret?

Parent can’t complain if next time child goes to a mates instead.

Exactly. They wanted to know where their child was. And 'abuse' was likely from shock, or getting a fright, and then being surprised at the pushback to a very reasonable point of view.

I think you’re over-stepping OP and you have the distinct air of someone who thinks they know better than the parent.

You don't need parental responsibility to get medical help and you can call parents at any time if something serious happened. Do you think people just let relatives, friends and strangers lay there dying because they don't have parental responsibility

I'm not I'm very much trying to understand it from a parent's perspective but haven't got much to work with other than it's clueless and my brother doesn't have parental responsibility.

I don't see what damage has been done. I genuinely thing my sister is unreasonable.

I get the logic here, not expected home, parents probably asleep so why wake them when the 16 year old is safe and being looked after? That sort of thing can wait until morning. If they took some sort of turn for the worse and had to go to A&E in the night I'd call the parents then.

Text to let parents know at minimum IMO. I have a 16yo. I trust all my siblings but 16 is still a child and I should be able to decide for myself whether I want to see her in person in this sort of situation and be able to make the decision myself that she's safe to be left to sleep it off. At 18, fine, it's her decision. I'm assuming your brother didn't stay up all night watching her sleep and isn't medically qualified.

What was the point in waking up her parents and siblings at 2am when she was safe?

Because their teenage child is drunk and because they wanted to look after their drunk teenage child.

What's so difficult to understand? 🙄