AIBU to think the relative handled the drunk teenager appropriately?

[Random321]

16 year old supposed to be at a friend's house ends up drinking and calls a relative (not a parent) after midnight to come get her.

She's collected, tipsy but not dangerous, small cut which is cleaned up, given water & toast and give a bed for the night and is supervised for the night to make sure she's ok.

Should the relative have rang parents and brought her to home or did they do the right thing in making sure she's alright and looked after her and brought her home in the morning instead.

I am none of the people in this story but just interested in people's opinions.

This

Not the point

I agree with @Silverbirchleaf, I'd text the parents in this situation. They might not see it until later, but best to let them know.

Not that the relative did anything wrong, of course, that's just what I personally would do.

I would have called the parents. Told them the situation and she was settled and asleep and not to worry. You will bring her home safe tomorrow.

I'm really surprised the relative didn't think to even send the parents a message or phone them. Yes it was early in the morning but they should still be informed that their teen isn't where they think they are and what state they are in.

They did a great job looking after the teen but not informing the parents is odd behaviour.

Also wondering this.

I'm female, and in the situation so far, I'd feel hesitant to wake the parents up at 2am, if they had already been told that the teenager was going to be sleeping over with a friend. Especially as for lots of people I know, Sunday is a normal working day and they've got to be up for work at 6am.

But if I was male, looking after a drunk 16 year old girl, I'd be letting them know straight away that I had her at my house, to protect myself from looking opportunistic. It would simply look bad if you only let the parents know after the event.

Need to tell parents what happened unless there’s a very good reason not to.
Waiting until morning was fine in the circumstances (not expected home, not dangerously drunk).
Agree sex of relative matters, unfortunate but true.

I think it probably there are missing details here. Why did the teen want picking up at 2am if they were meant to be at the friends? How were the injured? What had gone on? I think as a parent I would probably want to know.

Was the relative a close female relative who has had the teen stay over before or was it a male relative? Was the teen hoping the relative would cover up their being drunk?

It's a bit strange really.

Is there a reason that the 16 year old called a relative rather than the parent?

It’s easy to say that yes, the relative should have alerted the parent but not every teen has a parent who you would want to go home too, drunk or not.

As a parent I would want to know but my dc knew that I would have wanted to know that they were safe and being cared for.

At 2am, no point in waking the parents up if she can be kept safe overnight. Text to let them know where she is (just in case for any reason they discover before the morning that she's not where they thought - especially if she didn't tell the friend where she was going, or friend might not remember). Take her home in the morning, brief factual explanation of why she ended up there, and leave parents to discuss with daughter as they see fit at that point. It may be worth a bit of communication before taking her home - if the parents have time to digest things then they can plan how to approach it rather than potentially overreacting.

The relative did nothing wrong and it is good the young person has people to call on.

And for all those suggesting it's odd that the YP called a relative, not a parent - not at all - maybe she knew an aunt will be more 'accomodating' when you have gotten drunk or some such.

If i were the relative time would impact this.. If I picked her up at 11pm id call her parents if I picked her up at 1am i might wait til morning.

If the parents weren't expecting her home i wouldnt wake and panic them. Id just drive her back at a reasonable hour and speak to them then.

If my relatives did the same with my DC id understand

We were in this exact situation, but my DD was 15.

i was very happy, and relieved, that she had a relative she could rely on.

My DD is now mid-twenties and has no idea I knew about that night the very next day. My SIL told me on the quiet and we decided it was better for DD to have a safe adult than for her to know I knew.

Worked out very well a few months later when her boyfriend tried to pressure her into staying with him rather than a friend and she called SIL again as it was late and DH was away so I was home alone with younger sibling. The next day DD told me herself and thankfully she found better friends and ditched the BF.

The teenager is my niece.
She rang one of my brothers and he & my SIL picked her up.
SIL also had a chat to make sure injury was an accident and nothing worst had happened.
Niece wanted to leave because she knew she was drunk and some boys laughed at her when she tripped.

Niece rang her uncle because he was closest (& she's not stupid; she knew her parents would be cross!). I think she thought my brother would also cover for her but he made her tell her parents.

My sister, niece's mother, is very cross and thinks her daughter should have been brought straight home etc.

Myself & brother both think he did nothing wrong. All the other siblings have children and agree with my sister.

I think the whole thing has been blown out of proportion - my niece was safe and that's the main thing. That's why I'm "f**king clueless".

I just wanted to see if parents thought differently.

Ok so rather than listen to all the sensible posts here and try to understand why your sister is frustrated with your brother. Plus no doubt her child especially if she only rang him because she wanted to keep the whole thing a secret. You're still adamant that they were right to keep everyone in the dark until the next day just because she was safe?

Yes should have called the parent; id be upset as the parent in this scenario but id also be asking myself the hard question of why my child didn’t feel able to call me

I still think relative (your brother) should have texted or called parents but at the end of the day I don’t think I could be angry at my brother and sil for collecting my 16 year old at 2am, making sure she was OK and then bringing her back in the morning.

Yes I would of wanted to be told but I also wouldn’t kick off about it

They did the right thing, then.

Someone (relative or teen) needed to tell the parents where the teen was.

Surely neither? I'd have messaged their parent telling them what had happened and that you'd be in touch in the morning.

Parents should have been told
Imagine if something had happened medical wise or an incident, and they needed to get help and neither have parental responsibility
otherwise everything else seemed fair

What was the point in waking up her parents and siblings at 2am when she was safe?

Parents weren't expecting her home as she had told them she was staying with a friend.

What would have been gained?

@Random321 it is a bit clueless, but not in a malicious way I assume, as most parents would understand that another parent should be informed and needs to be aware of their child’s wellbeing

your lack of understanding/awareness as to why a parent should be notified is the clueless part I assume

Because their child is no longer where they think they are and is also drunk and injured.

Maybe they would have said thank you for collecting her, let her sleep it off and we can sort it tomorrow or maybe they would have preferred her home not inconveniencing her aunt and uncle. No matter what the reason it was the parents call to make and keeping them in the dark wasn't the right decision.

It's not clueless.

There wasn't a medical emergency.
Child was safe.
What could parent have done differently that Brother/SIL did?

Just because people don't have doesn't make them incapable of caring for them.