To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

If it's down the pub, you dress accordingly. Same with black tie.

We’re missing a key bit of info here. As the only actual unreasonable thing is the two week notice on the dress code (imho) What did it actually say? “The venue have said that due to the terrain outside stiletto heels may not be suitable” is very different to “please only wear black and gold colours”

how to say you were hoping to regift an appliance that’s been knocking about in your garage for five years rather than actually coughing up any real cash without actually saying it 🤣

I'd be annoyed too at feeling forced to attend a wedding that was costing me a lot if I was a bit hard up (and who isn't these days). If you've bought a (requested) gift then you don't need to contribute to the honeymoon fund as well, so just ignore that. Alternatively you could return the gift and give a lesser amount to the honeymoon fund if you feel you have overspent. However, the dress code would be enough to make me cancel and stuff the consequences.

Are you the bride?

You’re right to think it’s all a bit ridiculous, OP. Don’t even get me started on requests for cash. Argh!!

You don’t have to go.

even if you rsvp’d a yes already - you can wuthdraw.

it might have consequences with the friend or family - but I’m sure no one has a gun to your head forcing you to go.

if it doesn’t work for you - don’t go.

I’d message the bride to say I can’t afford to buy something new on top of the travel and accommodation costs. I’d ask would she prefer that I don’t attend or go wearing the wrong clothes?

@ragandbonewoman yes the dress code thing is very similar to what you’ve suggested so it’s not them making up something unreasonable. But it would have made sense to tell people about it with a bit more notice. The whole thing just feels all about them and not much thought for their guests. Obviously it is their day though 🤷‍♀️

Since when was it up to the bride and groom to tell the guests what to wear? I would hate that - and I wouldn't obey! It's not a fancy dress party.

It’s a suggestion from the venue due to the set up, the op is just seeing her arse for some reason,

and dress codes are fairly common place at many different types of events, from weddings to corporate, it’s hardly new and I’d assume most adults would know this,

Of course I've heard of them but I've never been on the receiving end of such a request for a wedding or do, other than whether it is formal dress or not. I think it is real overreach to demand people wear a particular colour etc. Obviously I realise vacuous celebrities and their copycats do this "for the photos".

Well it’s clearly not a certain colour it’s more shoe type or similar due to the venue type. I’ve also never heard of anyone asking all their guests to wear a certain colour, and that’s certainly not what this thread is about,

Well fair enough to warn people about footwear but then it's up to them really. Colours have become a thing for some people - I read that Taylor Swift wants her guests in red and/or black which sounds revolting, but that might not be true.

What is the dress code?

I don’t think she’s going to Taylor swifts wedding. And I’d be very surprised if that was true.

Well we will find out soon enough

Since when are dress codes a thing? At no wedding I’ve ever attended (and it’s a lot) have guests been told what to wear.

Honeymoon fund with bank details does sound crass and grabby. OTOH we had zero objections to the young couple who said no presents, thank you, they had only a very small flat with everything they needed, but if anyone would like to contribute to the cost of their honeymoon, they’d be very grateful.

We were happy to stick some cash inside a card.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER It’s pretty common these days. It wholly depends on the style of the wedding. Black tie is not unusual and it’s often where it’s the party celebration and the actual wedding is some weeks earlier. DD is doing this and it’s quite normal now. Sometimes people have a small wedding abroad for close family and have a black tie bash here afterwards. Wholly depends on circumstances and wishes. One single day for ceremony, food and dancing is too much do the wedding and party are split up. DD has been to quite a few Ike this. When it’s the blessing and celebration party, black tie is usual. DD went to one extravagant wedding in Rome where there were three black tie events: pre wedding dinner, wedding and then party! Not an English couple but Mega Rich!

Getting common doesn't make it any less crass and rude to demand a certain style of dress for your wedding.

I think it's fine to be honest, although I hope that everyone will just ignore the dress code. Not a clever idea so late in the day! Couples often having honeymoon funds and bank details on their web/info pages, and it's not unusual for guests to have to pay for transport.

I hope you can see past this and enjoy the day. Weddings seem to cost in the region of £200 per head these days. I guess your hotel isn't too far away? A taxi fare pales into significance!

Covering the cost of getting to the venue - normal
honeymoon fund instead of gifts - normal and optional
Dress code - normal but two weeks notice on specific outfits is OOO i would wear what i had chosen.

If it is this then get the little plastic things that go over the stilettos and your sorted

You really need to share the dress code

I’d wear whatever I was planning, I wouldn’t contribute to the honeymoon fund but I’d expect to arrange transport or simply drive, weddings are the one event I don’t mind not drinking

I'd contribute to the Honeymoon fund as I'd want to buy a present in any case, so I'd find just giving cash far less stressful tbh