To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

It might be a cultural thing, but for me if guests are expected to cough up money to attend someone’s wedding, then they shouldn’t be expected to also gift on top of that.

Some people are doing the most with weddings nowadays.

Agree second weddings shouldn’t cost guests loads AGAIN

Dress code: you ordered a special outfit but if came in the wrong size/got lost in the mail so no time to get another outfit. Had to improvise.

I think your expectations are a bit off. It’s not standard to provide transportation to a venue

I've never been to a wedding where we haven't had to get a taxi/cadge a list, same with wanting money in lieu of gifts.

The dress code, if I had something suitable, I'd wear it, if not, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only person saying sorry too short notice, I'll wear what I was planning on wearing.

Ignore the dress code, I'm sure loads of people will anyway, it is just silly. The honeymoon fund I presume is in lieu of a present but if you've already bought something different then ignore that too. The taxi thing is a drag but you'll just have to pay for that if no alternative.

2nd wedding yes I would find request to fund honeymoon grabby. Dress code who actually does this 2 weeks before? It’s like the trend for black tie very tacky at a wedding. Transport I wouldn’t care so much as a lot of venues are inaccessible and I’d expect to pay a taxi if drinking. Overall I do think weddings have got out of hand considering the cost of living crisis. If you are having to pay accommodation on top of attending then unless your a close friend then they should expect excuses not to attend.

No, that's normal and expected. Has been for decades.

I will never understand why people are so offended by honeymoon funds. I'd rather contribute to something that they'll have happy memories of than the sixth toaster when they've been together for umpteen years.

However, I am firmly against colour dress codes.

Its not 1970 anymore.

Wear what you already have and tell then you already have your outfit.

Use the transport they have put on

Put the money to buy a gift into the honeymoon fun but deduct the amount needed for the transport

If bide won't budge on the outfit you have, deduct the price of a new outfit from the honeymoon fund

I am intrigued what the dress code is ? Otherwise just go,.drive and don't stay long if it's winding you up

Of course they should pay for the guests to get there. Any wedding I've been to that wasn't local the b&g put on a bus for the guests to get there and back. You don't put on transport then ask guests to pay for it.

Do not go fuck them - just say you have the flu lol.

People should give up making all.tjrse demands re weddings and hen party's.
Just go and get married , why should anyone else care, and have to pay out just because you've decided to get married. What's it got to do with anyone else?

Maybe this is just me, but if I ever got married I wouldn't give a damn what people wore to my wedding. Even as far as bridesmaids, wear whatever you're comfortable in and feel good in..like why do you care??

No shit Sherlock, it's 2026. That's how we did it in the 90s and how the dc are doing it now. DD next, squee.

Yeah , that's what I don't get! Why on earth would you care what the guests wore? It's bonkers. Though that "not clashing with the bridesmaids" one was so stupid it did make me laugh 🤣!

Cash gifts and inconvenient location: both pretty standard. Dress code: most guests will think 'fuck that', unless they already own something that fits with the theme, and are willing to oblige. I was going to say pander, but maybe that's a bit harsh, unless the theme is on the lines of Disney Princess or Star Wars.
Like, purple tie/hat I could swallow. Full blown Barney the Dinosaur outfit, not so much.

Dear Me

How time have changed. Back in the day Wedding Guests were usually just expected to buy a useful household gift for the newly married couple. You know something they needed for their new place like kitchen staff, towels, bedding etc.

Yes, l know people now often live together now before tying the knot. So may already have some of these items.But giving money for the honeymoon is really out of bounds.

This is really milking people! What a pair of freeloaders.

Whatever next? Maybe guests paying for the Wedding Reception, Brides wedding dress? This couple sound like mutton dressed as lamb. They want a big fantasy wedding and all.the trimmings that they justt can't afford.
And think that the guests should pay for it..

I would just send them a £10.Argos gift voucher. Make an excuse. and say sorry to can't attend the wedding. Maybe they could put it towards the cost of a new.kettle.

The dress code is very annoying and very selfish. Can you just ignore it?

The last time I went to a wedding in a remote place there was a coach for guests that left from the nearest village. There was no cost involved.

What are you so cross about? What's the difference between giving someone a £10 Argos voucher and £10 to their honeymoon fund? Or £10 in an envelope? Or a gift worth £10? I cannot fathom why people are so offended about just being given a helpful steer as to what people might genuinely like as a gift.

Nobody is milking anybody. I would rather always know what people want. Saves me a chore of guessing and buying.

@SemiRetiredLoveGoddeessIt’s not when they are on second marriages or have a house with contents long before getting married. They don’t want or need more “stuff”. The gift is entirely optional. My DD has a wine list and guests can buy from it or not. Up to them! Dress codes are normal if you want black tie or morning suit. Most people appreciate guidance to be honest. Grand do or down the pub - it makes a difference !

I think unless you're actually staying at the venue itself then it's not unreasonable to expect that you make your own way there and back. That they've laid on transport is actually taking one thing off your hands and I expect is likely to work out cheaper than getting your own taxis. I personally would cover the cost if it was my wedding but I don't think it's that unreasonable not to.

Agree that the dress code request is just ridiculous.

At the end of the day you weigh up the overall cost against your relationship with these people and decide for yourself whether to attend or not. Nobody's forcing you.