To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

The thing is, good friends come no matter what. They may hate the rules, feel it is too extravagant, think the bride is being a bit of a bridezilla, and wish that the couple realised that not everybody was made of money. But they will still put a smile on come and enjoy the day because they’re being good friends. Doesn’t mean they like every demand made of them by the couple. But the bride and groom will never know; ignorance is bliss!

At our wedding, guests were front and centre of every decision we made. We were getting married, but we were so grateful that people were taking the time out to come and spend the day with us. So for us, it was about our friends and family and the day was also a thank you to them for celebrating with us.

No wonder so many people are allergic to weddings these days.

Yanbu OP.

I’ve never heard of a dress code 😂 I wouldn’t be bothered about giving a cash gift, I think their mistake was letting it slip it was for their honeymoon.

My DDs wedding is costing a fortune and if this couple are paying simliar, why not cut them some slack? Plus I expect lots of people gojng to DDs wedding don’t earn what she and future husband do

What point are you trying to make here?

Mean and entitled? Have you looked in a mirror lately?

“Oo my kids are filthy rich and earn loadsa money compared to yau” 🤑💰

I’m eternally grateful I don’t have any saddo snooty pals like you! 😂

We have just been to a lovely wedding.
We had to pay for accommodation, as it was not near where we live, but it was a wonderful weekend. There was no dress code, no gift list and everything at the reception was provided, including drinks. When I asked about presents, I was told they didn’t expect a present, just our company. Of course I bought them a gift, but how refreshing.

That is my definition of a ‘classy’ wedding.

Why not be open and say it’s for their honeymoon?

It was. Not flashy, but great fun and a very happy day.

Friends of mine got married in their mid 30s. They told people that they didn't need anything but if people wanted to buy a gift they had an Oxfam gift list which was all 'buy a goat for a village in Africa' type gifts. 20 years later it's the only wedding where I remember what gift I bought! They are very environmentally friendly so bride wore a second hand wedding dress and looked fab. Was a great wedding.

Absolutely. People usually write something cutesy like 'the only present we want is your presence, but if you would like to give a gift we wouod really appreciate money/ gift vouchers for X which will go towards our honeymoon/furniture for our new house etc

I don t understand the animosity towards destination weddings either. I love visiting new places

I’m not adverse to a low key venue but in my neck of the woods, they aren’t as easy an option as you would think.
Our village hall is always booked with clubs especially at the weekend. I couldn’t get a Saturday night at all when I was trying to book a birthday party. Our community centre is the same but is also as ugly as fuck with terrible acoustics.
We have one “venue” type pub ( think coach parties type catering) and lots of places that are a bit small. The other disadvantage is that everyone local is bored to death of them.

I totally get why couples choose their flashier venues especially if guests are making a big effort by coming a long way.

I think it's usually the cost, plus using up holiday allowance.

They could say ‘no presents’ but people will still bring presents… better to just say money towards honeymoon and not end up with 100 bottles of Prosecco and 80 photo frames. Very sensible.

but they should be paying for the transport and the dress code thing is batshit.

I don’t see the issue of it being 100 guests, that’s how many friends and family they like, surely?

You come across as really bitter and resentful, so I’m sure there is a back story here, maybe jealousy, I don’t know but clearly something is behind this.

Don’t go. Nobody will care. I agree it’s ridiculous too.

I guess I’m a bit resentful as like many people I’m struggling with money at the moment and I couldn’t afford a wedding like this if I wanted one. I was at the first one which was a lovely day but also quite flash and I suppose I envy the person being able to do it how they want both times. I do find the parts I’ve mentioned a bit tacky but maybe that’s coloured by me adding up the cost of accommodation, clothes, travel and gift which obviously I expect to pay but am struggling to find.

I had a second wedding, also my husbands second wedding. It was in a castle, my dress was massive and we had over 100 guests. Why should second weddings be "low key"?!? This husband is far better than the last, why should we celebrate that? What an odd view.

Why don't you just send your apologies?
Why are you going?

Can you not just send apologies if you’re this resentful? Yes they’ve both been married before but this is their first marriage together!

Tbh the first 2 are fine you only contribute what you can to the honeymoon fund, you would buy a present anyway wouldn’t you.?
I cannot see why it matters if it is a second wedding either 🤣
The dress code is a piss take in itself, 2 weeks before absolute ridiculous, I would be saying no to that.
your clearly quite jealous and admit you are resentful so why go? I wouldnt want anyone at my wedding that resented me.

i would decline too. Actually would have as it’s a second wedding if I’ve been to the first. Ridiculous to make such a big deal when they’ve done it before!

Second wedding shouldn’t have a gift list & the other points are annoying too.