To think this wedding is taking the piss a bit

[BraveLittleBird]

Second wedding, 100+ guests. I can’t get out of attending but AIBU to be annoyed about the following:

Remote venue which means either driving or paying for taxis. Some transport has been laid on but guests are being charged to use it

A honeymoon fund complete with bank details

A dress code request only shared 2 weeks before the day when most people will have bought outfits

There are other minor things but these have particularly annoyed me as the first two seem tight and grabby - you don’t invite people then expect them to pay and if you can afford a big do you should pay for your own bloody holiday. The third is just thoughtless and sums up the ‘all about them never mind their guests’ attitude.

I’m sure there are worse bride/groomzillas out there but AIBU to find this a bit of a piss take when we’re already spending several hundred on accommodation as we don’t live nearby.

The contributions for a honeymoon wouldn't bother me, but getting married in a remote location and expecting people to pay for transport would. I could understand a remote location if it was a small wedding, but expecting so many people to go to an out of the way place is ridiculous. I've never been invited to a wedding in a remote location btw. As for the dress code, I think they are stupid anyway, but to announce it so close to the wedding is just not on. Also, it's a lot of faff for a second wedding.

When did weddings get to be such big productions rather than an intimate celebration with family and friends? Or, more importantly, why???

It's the choice of the couple getting married to have a wedding which costs a fortune, why should they be "cut some slack?" They are also hosting the event and should be making it as easy and pleasant for their guests, and not expecting them to fork out a fortune to attend, and especially dictating what they wear. I'm so glad I don't know people like you!

OMG! You’re so out of touch.

What’s your DDs wine list got to do with anything - is she asking guests to pay for wine?

The only issue is the dress code. Just wear what you have already planned.

No one is forced to, no. But a B&G can. choose a beautiful venue they love. It's in the invitation, it's not a secret, it's drivable, not requiring a private helicopter fgs.

I'll say this again.

if you read the OP's posts, you'll see she admits it's 'venue related' & most people will have worked it out for themselves. So it's more a reminder to those who are less awsre. than must wear yellow with green stripes. I'm assuming something like 'no bare shoulders in the church'

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

I don't think there's anything wrong with a honeymoon fund if that is their (optional) wedding present

If you choose a venue because it's beautiful, but it's out of the way, just spare a thought about travel for your guests. Taking up some of their leave, getting childcare, spending on petrol or trains and accommodation - maybe, just think about the effort and inconvenience you're expecting.
Then, just maybe, think what you could do to help a little.
Your venue, your choice.
Fgs.

We have no idea where this venue is.

the OP is staying over because she doesn't live locally. It's 2026, must people don't live in the sane village as all their family/friends.

its an invitation, if you can't be arsed going just decline the invitation. the OP is driving to the accommodation, why can't she drive to the venue, or just contribute to the cost of the transport the B&G have arranged?

I never ever attend second marriage events - I just don't and have found my life is a lot easier due to this rule

I’ve always found it a bit cringe to ask for money but it’s nothing new, I recall my mum getting a twee poem on an invite about 20 years ago which was essentially saying don’t buy gifts we want cash in a really pathetic way. I get it though because who wants 50 photo frames or whatever?

The dress code is irritating but most won’t listen surely given the limited warning time and they should expect this.

I have no idea how many years it is since people only went to weddings in their own village. Maybe pre War?
I think she should decline, she doesn't want to go. Most people make an effort, I've driven long distances, taken trains, stayed in hotels etc because my friends and relatives are widespread. They usually facilitate in some way, acknowledging the bother folks have gone to.
However, in this instance it sounds not just an issue about travel and accommodation, more about some sort of resentment, compounded by the expense and inconvenience of the event.
She should just bin it off, but maybe it's her sister.

I don't mind a cash gift, I do roll an eye somewhat at it being called a honeymoon fund but that's just a fashion thing. Well, except friends of ours had a similar fund back in the 90s when th

I think if you are laying on transport between venues then you should pay for it. Expecting guests to pay a fare feels unnecessarily stingy, it would be less bad if you'd just not thought of it. Not paying for the bus suggests you are more interested in your experience than your guests experience which is not the sign of a good host.

Dress codes are an awful imposition (really most people know to dress up for a wedding, but budgets will decide by how much) but BIL got remarried recently and they had lots of people asking about the dress code so maybe people expect one (lots of international guests, don't know if that was why). They weren't at all fussed about what people wore but SIL eventually came up with a vague phrase that basically meant 'dress up, it's a wedding!'. There were differences between the three nationalities that were present but we all could have predicted that without a dress code.

Exactly. Why is OP making it all about her views? Just simply decline the invite and job done no need for soooo much angst.

I remember my sister having a wedding list in the 80s. Not at a shop but literally a list of what they wanted. My dad tore it up as he said it was grabby.
The result - she got 12 teapots, 5 coffee makers (they didn't even drink coffee), bedding sets that didn't match their colour scheme etc.
So wasteful. I think most were given to raffles as there weren't charity shops back then.

yes putting on transport and then charging is wrong
a dress code two weeks before the event is wrong also

bank details for the honeymoon, very sensible.

It's not if it's a requirement of the venue which the op has said it is.

The dress code is a bit OTT, especially with not much warning, but the last wedding we went to we drove nearly 200 miles and paid £100 for 24hr accommodation.

There were charity shops back then, I used to buy from them.
The rest of your post I agree with.

I feel like a few people are missing the first bit of the OPs post. Guests are expected to pay towards the cost of the transport being laid on - not normal surely?

the honeymoon fund imo yeah quite cheeky to be honest.

dress code 2 weeks before 🤣 nobody should adhere to this lol. Do you have to go OP?

@scienceteachersarefun There weren't any charity shops where we lived (NE Scotland)

Right, I'm sure there were loads of jumble sales and "bring - and - buys" though.
Donating and buying secondhand is nothing new, especially when people had a much lower disposable income.

I wouldn't contribute to the honeymoon fund- if challenged point out how much attending cost and say that has to be their present . (if there is a 3rd wedding do not attend).

Most wedding are just so formulaic aren't they?

Ceremony
Canapes, hanging around
The Gong for dinner
Speeches
Music and dancing
Home or stay in venue or nearby.

Been to one, you've been to them all. Some variations of course, but mostly that formula.

So, so boring (yes I'm a miserable wedding dodger!), especially if sitting at a "friends" table where you know few and have little in common and are just weary of making stupid small talk with strangers.

That's why for me it's family only now. Great get togethers, know everyone and a chance to see people you haven't seen in ages.

Same formula though 😊