AIBU to dress up to match my son for his prom?

[MissRaspberryRipples]

Hi there. My son has his high school prom coming up next month as he's 16 and doing his GCSEs at the moment. He's chosen his outfit choices and I've purchased both suits that he liked so he has a choice. He's gone for purple suits which are lovely. I've also purchased myself a lovely purple dress and some nice shoes so that he can have some lovely mum and son photos taken on his special night. I showed them to my partner and all he has said is that they're nice and will look great but why am I making such an effort when it's not even my night? He says it's silly and isn't necessary. He thinks I'm overdoing it on the effort for a night that isn't for me. Is it really unreasonable to want to make the effort or is he just being unnecessarily mean

I think it’s great that he’s brave enough to follow what he wants to do, a purple suit sounds amazing!
I personally wouldn’t have gone out and brought a dress for the photos, I would have made sure I didn’t wear something that clashed awfully and made sure my hair was fairly tidy but that would be the extent of it.
It’s a little odd purely because you yourself aren’t going, you’re going to change into something else for a photo then I assume change back out of it?
My prom was a million years ago, but I had a photo taken with my parents. They were just wearing their normal clothes and it’s lovely. We don’t match but it’s one of my favourite pictures.

Hundreds of mothers say this is a terrible idea. If you don’t want to listen to them, I am not sure why you posted this.

is your partner and ds close @MissRaspberryRipples ?

No, just no.

This can’t be real.

You have started a thread about your son’s prom and provided very outing details about his unusual choose of outfit, even that he isn’t interested in girls.

And for what reason? As you say he’s perfectly happy with your plan

I'm sorry but there's a difference in having an opinion and being downright mean..especially about his choice of suit and trying to say people will take the piss out of it. He's a 16year old boy FFS. Lots of friends and family love him for the fact that he is an individual rather than a sheep following what everyone else does

OP you haven't said if you've changed your mind at all given the response here. Will you still do a matching outfit photo?

Hi @MissRaspberryRipples

Whilst I can see that you're just trying to do something nice with your son, it's a big no from me.

Prom is about him. The photos are supposed to be about him, his friends, even his teachers, not you. When my daughter had her prom, I wasn't in a single picture, as it was her night. Some of her friends had the odd picture with their parents but parents were in day to day clothes - not a single one was dressed up in any way, and certainly not to coordinate.

I can see you're just aiming for nice memories with your boy, but this is not the occasion. Your job is to drive, pay and wish him a good time.

So whilst I think your DP could have been much more tactful, I do see his point.

I couldn’t be arsed putting so much effort in for a photograph. Jeans and a tshirt would still be a nice memory.

Well played OP. I think most of us detected some mischief, but you’ve done it well. The velvet purple embroidered frock coat is a master stroke.

So your son’s not going to the prom as a gameshow host but as an extra from Poldark.

👏

Yeah sorry. That's just weird. My 16 year old would be mortified if I did this!

It's good not to be a sheep. I would still tell my son that it was a terrible choice because... it was a terrible choice. But perhaps it's an ironic statement who knows. But he's 16 and I think we all cringe a bit when we think of some of the things we wore back then. However, about your matching dress. I don't think you understood what people objected about. Even if you don't post anything on social media it's the whole thing of inserting yourself in to something that has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It gives enmeshed vibes at best and incestuous ones at worst. Just don't.

You sound sweet but you’ll feel weird wearing it now anyway. Can’t you ask what other mums are wearing? You’ll feel more in keeping then.

Do what you like OP just make sure none of friends find out about this....

Tell me your a boy mom without telling me 🤦‍♀️😂

The rings of enmeshment to my mind. YOU aren't going to prom. I mean jeans and a tee are enough for that night as a mom.

Oh dear. I think I am actually praying this is a wind up!
His future partner will be posting on here in 10-15 years time fuming that the MIL makes every special occasion about her.

I voted yabu based on your first post but your updates put a bit of a different spin on it. So long as this is a private thing - so not turning up at his prom, not posting on SM, not competing with a girlfriend - then it's just an unusual but harmless choice.

If your ds is honestly fine with it, then I wouldn't worry.

Also fair play for actually sticking around even with so many voting against you. Imo it's the truly narcissistic make-it-all-about-me types that leave in an offended huff after even a few naysayers.

I think the purple jacket pictured might explain why girls aren't who he's interested in.

I think it's very odd indeed to want to dress to match your son especially when you aren't even going to the prom. My son's proms were 2 decades ago and he and his friends had professional photos taken at the venue and I took some of him in the garden before he went. I'm not even sure if there are any of me and him on his prom days. Why not have some photos taken in your normal clothes?

I did have a professional photo of me, him and his now wife at his graduations, but I actually did attend those events and certainly didn't dress to match him.

Are you going to wear a mortarboard and dress to match his hood at his graduation ceremony?

Good for him having his own style.
My grandson wore a velvet maroon jacket with black pants....he is 6'4'', and it's fair to say he stood out.
If you can't dress like an individual when you are 16, and at your prom, when can you?

I think some people have been very cutting on this thread. I do think you are going over the top a bit, but as you are confining your outfit that matches your son's to the house, just for family photo....and NOT driving him there letting his mates see his mum has chosen a matching outfit, then go for it. Who cares what anyone else says?

Please don’t………your son could potentially be bullied…….Prom is about the students, not their mothers!

This can’t be real.

If it is, I can guarantee OP’s DIL will be posting on here on 15 years and we will all agree her MIL is the problem.

i just asked my son and he saying he would ‘literally die of embarrassment’

it’s absolutely bizarre you would think this was a normal thing to do.

I'm cringing on his behalf!