Told someone I was pregnant today…

[BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw]

…and they asked if it was planned! 🤦‍♀️

I’m 33, own my own home, and have been married for over two years.

AIBU to think this was a bit of an odd response?!

I didn’t say ‘a little thing called’ how condescending would that be. I didn’t even bring up the idea of owning a home in the first place.

you have a huge chip on your shoulder. Genuinely, I think you need to reread the posts and realise that nobody is judging anyone for not owning a home. It is literally just that for someone to have made the decision to purchase a property with another person is a HUGE lifelong commitment, far more so than renting is. You can get out of a rental contract easily, but buying a house with someone means you’ve put all your eggs in one basket, and is indicative of the relationship being very serious. It doesn’t mean that a relationship isn’t serious if you rent, the two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Bizarre responses here, honestly bizarre. Please just reread the comments in the nature in which they were intended.

Yeah she has done the same to me too…full attack more enabled.

I agree - this poster clearly has a complex about not being a home owner. Never in my OP did I make any comment about people who rent or live in social housing. I merely mentioned owning a home as one indicator of life stability and how it is typical relationship progression to:

• rent somewhere together
• buy a house
• get engaged
• get married
• get pregnant

And therefore the assumption for most people in my situation is that it is likely to have been a planned pregnancy. In any case, I still think it is rude and intrusive to ask.

Haha ikr…the replies are so odd.

I did all of mine backwards:

• got pregnant
• rented together
• had baby
• got engaged
• bought house
• got married

but we’ve been together for 22 years now (married 16) so something is going right lol 😂

She getting all the responses mixed up because she is hell-bent on having an argument.

I'm almost certain it was actually me who mentioned the little thing called financial security and stability... meaning the people were financially astute enough to actually save for a deposit, be reviewed by a bank and given a mortgage that would have been stress tested etc. And stability in that it is very difficult (certainly in Ireland where I live) to repossess a family residence where children reside.

The angry responder is actually the one who brought up social housing herself 😂

And she's completely misunderstood that it's certainly a milestone (In Ireland & UK particularly where property ownership is a very normal trend) in family life.... date, engaged, marry, buy house, have kids, etc.

And then unfortunately it's just derailed the thread which had some funny light-hearted comments throughout.

Yes I’m thinking it might be the sort of thing I’d say! Clearly I won’t now!

Sometimes I do ask ‘How are you feeling about that?’ before congratulating someone especially if they have some
kind of circumstances that might make it particularly hard.

Obviously if they are beaming with joy or we are just acquaintances (so they probably wouldn’t be talking to me if they were unhappy about it) I just jump straight to the congratulations.

I got asked this a lot when I was pregnant with my first child. We had been married for over five years but had been trying to get pregnant for four years!

Haha yes it’s a bit rude.
May as well have asked ‘were you having lots of unprotected sex?’.

Surely not?? Wtf

I hate it when people ask this since it really is none of their business. However, you phrased the OP as if she should have assumed it was planned because you own a home and are married; as if unplanned pregnancies only happen to people who don't own a home and are not married. That is a very unreasonable thought. Plenty of married couples with their own house have unplanned pregnancies.

People also seem to ask this question to know how to respond. If it's any consolation, when I told my at the time best friend I was pregnant, she immediately tried to convince me to get an abortion. Could be worse!

I don’t think it’s an odd question to ask (if you’re close enough) but I’d probably phrase it as ‘were you trying’

But I have actively talked about wanting to have a family in the past in front of this person.

Yeah some people are just cunts

When I told my boss, she replied 'rather you than me' 😳. She gave the same response to my colleague, who she knew had been having ivf for a few years and had finally got her longed for pregnancy.

Congrats, op!

I had an old friend who I hadn’t seen for a few years (she lives in a different country now) say to me, via email, that “you are the last person in the world who I thought would have a baby.”

I didn’t know what to say to that so I never replied and I never heard from her again. People are just odd/rude sometimes.

Congratulations!
of course it’s weird question but people often tell weird things, and I suspect from my own experience that it’s often tiredness, lack of attention, brain working on three topics at once but nothing personal towards you.
I have a long list of this “accidents” when I came back home afterwards and thought : WtF I was thinking saying this????
So if this person was good otherwise I would let it go.

Congratulations OP

I remember telling someone I was pregnant with twins and they asked if it was planned 🙄
After having them I was out and a woman stopped me and asked if they were real twins I honestly didn’t know what she meant so I said I’m sorry what do you mean and she said well did you have to have IVF or are they real twins I was gobsmacked that someone would even ask that question I have had stranger comments and questions over the years.
Brace yourself OP you will encounter these strange people a long the way

You don't need lots of unprotected sex to have an accidental pregnancy

I think its fine aslong as your family and friends are the type of people who use mumsnet and get offended about everything. I've said things like this multiple times and had it said to me multiple times without issue

Now thats rude

My MIL asked me that when I was pregnant with DC2. I had a small gap between pregnancies and was still BFing (which was why she asked, she thought you couldn't get pregnant while BFing). I just laughed and said 'The usual way MIL' and we had a good giggle about it.

When DM was pregnant with her third child her Dad asked her 'what are you expecting this time?'. She had a DD and a DS and he clearly thought that was sufficient.

I would returned the comment with, surely you must of heard us trying ! We were worried we would wake out neighbours 😅😅

Don't worry... we hung out the bunting and put an ad in the local newspaper for baby no2

Yeah people asked me that too. So basically they want to know if you were intentionally having unprotected sex