Told someone I was pregnant today…

[BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw]

…and they asked if it was planned! 🤦‍♀️

I’m 33, own my own home, and have been married for over two years.

AIBU to think this was a bit of an odd response?!

I had a conversation with a woman at work and she asked sensitively what the circumstances were. I was 6 weeks and struggling with hyperemesis. She was asking as she has had experience, and spoken about, her unplanned pregnancy, her miscarriages and struggling to conceive one of her children. She was wanting to tailor the support based on what it was that I needed.

I think some times it's a lazy question asked when not sure what else to say. My friend is in a same sex relationship and went through a clinic to conceive which was on her notes and still had a medical professional ask them during an appointment whether it was a planned pregnancy

I’m just pointing out that we are in a settled situation in and have ticked off all the obvious milestones a couple goes through - buy house, get married, have baby.

As opposed to announcing a pregnancy at 25 with your boyfriend of 6 months who you do not even live with yet.

Omfg…nobody said anything about social housing at all, are you really unable to understand why committing to buy a property with someone as a mutual investment is a sign of the stability of a relationship?

nobody has said that a person in social housing can’t have children, or that they are in any way less committed or adept at it.

What is being said here is that it is odd for someone to question whether a baby is an accident or unwanted when someone has already committed to buying a home with their partner. The next logical step is that they have a baby, they didn’t just accidentally fall pregnant when shagging their friends with benefits or someone they’ve known for 6 weeks.

You know how it is brilliant if you have 2000 pounds in the bank, that doesn’t mean that it is bad if you have 1000 in the bank. Both things can be good, owning a home can be good, but that doesn’t mean that renting a home is bad ffs 🤦‍♀️

I don’t believe for one second that you are this obtuse, you have to be being awkward on purpose. Take a day off

So by this logic, married couples, living in social housing with lifetime tenancies aren’t financially stable enough to plan children?
Well why are they in social housing...?
What about people just renting who can be kicked out with a little bit of notice? What about people who live with their parents or PILs and have kids?

I’d argue that the roof over their heads is far more secure; given that living in a house with a mortgage, you’re only ever 2/3 payments away from repossession!
I'm in Ireland where it is EXTREMELY difficult for a bank to repossess your primary residence with kids involved.

Plenty of people also own homes outright with no mortgage.

Well done on turning a light hearted thread into a battle ground though (and somehow only calling me out as opposed to the OP who originally mentioned it). 🙄

@scoopsahoooy despite being married and a proper adult

What exactly constitutes a "proper adult"? Because I'm not sure how being married renders you superior or more "proper" than people who are not married or who are single.

Also, respectfully you are being ridiculous…2-3 missed payments from a repossession…NO! You wouldn’t even end up having it sent to court until after 6 months, you’d be unlucky to be out within 12 months as long as you communicated with the mortgage provider

It does seem odd, I think some people just don't know what to say in some scenarios and their usual social filters turn off and they say something weird/not socially appropriate!

Some possible reasons they might have asked (some of which have been mentioned already) other than just not knowing quite what to say:

1. The tone/expression used when you told them, maybe it wasn't one of clear excitement!
2. If you have never shown any previous interest in or mentioned plans to have a baby, they may have assumed it wasn't on your agenda.
3. Have you mentioned any relationship issues you and DH have had to this person? If so, that might have influenced their reaction.
4. Awful suggestion and I'm shocked at myself for even thinking it (obvs been reading too much MN), but is this person having an affair with your DH or do they know someone who is?! If so, they'd surely be surprised to hear your pregnancy news!

Yes this - repossession really is a last resort for mortgage providers

My mum asked if we were “keeping it” when I told my parents I was pregnant at the age of 39 so nothing much surprises me about people’s responses to pregnancy announcements anymore 🤷‍♀️

Woman at my work sort of congratulated me and commiserated at the same time as ‘she knew it had taken a long time’ 🥴 I told her ‘no, worked first go, which is why baby is due at Christmas, as wasn’t expecting it!’

On announcing number 2..'is (insert DH name) the father.?. people talk b**cks.

Me and my siblings are far apart in age and alway get asked if we have the same dad. I was so confused by the question when I was a child.

Congratulations 🥳

Class response 👏🤣

Oh my days this wins surely !!

That’s what people are supposed to say!

Only if you’re unbelievably socially dense is this a ‘common question’.

But genuinely what is wrong with that? If I got pregnant at 39 I wouldn't be keeping it.

I had this when I was trying for my eldest. This was the time I was pregnant after having been trying for over six months. I didn’t mind the question so much, but when I said that I was hoping for a positive she replied “I will be praying for you, then!” which felt… weird.

It is though, it won't stop. One of those questions that will always be a thing.

There’d be about 3 kids in DD’s year 1 class of 30 if that was the case 😂 It’s pretty common where I live.

Surely it's not generally polite to ask someone if they are keeping their pregnancy?

Oh I had that with someone at work asking 'if we'd been trying long?' (my other child was only 2, so definitely not an unusual break between kids).

I said: "Well Sandra, that's quite an intrusive question. Are you asking whether my dh and I have been using contraception or not? Whether it was a happy accident, whether we've been at it like rabbits for months..."

Sandra was a bit flustered... I then added: "And I'm really happy to share that information when you are equally happy to tell me, when and where you and Duncan had sex, and whether you used contraception."

Not a peep out of her after that!

I hope you answered, 'no, not a clue'

You can't think of anything wrong with suggesting an abortion when someone happily announces their pregnancy!!