AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

How old are the kids? Pretty relevant matter, I’d have thought!

Yes YABU. My kids are that age and bloody hard work together. I would have naturally gone to check on them several times.

Op says in her post that they are 5 and 2.

I used to travel quite a bit for work, one of the locations was in a popular tourist destination

it boiled my piss how many blokes would cocoon themselves across/away from the wife and leave her to it. That’s totally acceptable day in and day out. So why not the other way round?

Only once did I see a guy take on his kids fully and let the mum of a very young baby sleep while he had them both.

@Dhflightsulk i would tell him that he needs more practice with them solo then, so he’s used to it. Don’t you dare feel guilty or bad. This is what you do day in and day out.

It’s about care, consideration and kindness.
you won’t have a leg to stand on in any future flights where he’s off sitting somewhere else and leaving you to it.

Read the post?

Which means they all had their seats.

A piece of cake compare to travelling with them when they are 4yo and one under 2yo, on your knees

For just being a parent?

where are the awards for us single mums who do this crap solo every day? Whose exes have fucked off to the far side of fuck?

why do men get awards for things that women get judged and looked down upon for?

This is reminding me of that James Corden anecdote - fellow traveller thought he was lovely for politely ignoring the screaming kids and struggling single mother next to him, till they landed and it became clear they were his own wife and kids

This also reminds me of the death glares friend of mine gets. I'm a single parent and he often comes on holiday with us (friend since childhood, kids call him uncle). One time we flew economy while he flew business and the looks some other women gave him when he ambled over during the flight when my two were having a meltdown then walked off, drink in hand.

Ok so can I ask how the OP coming over to ask if he is ok would have made things any easier for him? (That’s what checking on him means right?)

Personally, if I had been on my own and had dh coming over asking if I was ok, I would have been fuming.

Because it means
1- he knows it’s hard work
2- he thinks paying lip service to looking kind and considerate is enough
3- yet he still hadn’t proposed to swap/walk with the 2yo etc….

Actually, the more it goes, the more I suspect the OP’s dh meant ‘you should have come over and swapped with me because I found it too hard work’ rather than just ‘checking on him’
@Dhflightsulk is there some truth there?

Oh the poor little lamb having to parent his children on his own for 150 minutes. He must have been exhausted. I hope you had the shiny "well done" medal ready when you landed.

I’m sure if a woman posted on here that she was sat with her kids for 2.5 hours and her husband didn’t check in or swap seats she would be told ‘it’s only 2.5 hours, surely you can parent alone for that long’ or she would have been told some guff or other about her ‘husband needing to decompress’

Because a whole 2.5 hours on his own without his DW, without his DM, completely on his own is truly heroic.

Two and a half hours? Nope, I wouldn’t have checked. I see you said he got up to go to the bathrooms. He could have walked up to you then if he had needed to.

A short flight like that, you take off, the seatbelt sign goes off, they give you a cup of tea and then it’s pretty much seatbelt sign back on for landing.

Of course, for your husband, probably answering 2000 questions from the kids during that time, it felt long, but I’d expect my husband to be fine or he’d let me know.

I’d probably offer to do bedtime or something else that night to give him a little less to do.

They cope because they have no other choice and no one else who might be able to look out for them and help them.

It's not easy. At all.

It is. Aye.

im calling the Palace now, let’s get that MF a knighthood 😂

I'd be fuming if DH trotted to a seat alone and left me with our two kids by myself.
An hour each would have been so much more doable.

Doesn't matter how long it is or that's he's a grown man. Yeah if he was a single parent he'd have coped fine. He's not a single parent. He shouldn't have to be one when you're right there. This is a common complaint of many mothers. He just trots off and sees to himself "I'm alright jack" and she should be able to manage fine.

Funny how you’re just ignoring all the replies with the very obvious and sensible advice that you could have offered to swap halfway through. Of course he should have been able to handle it (and indeed did) but it doesn’t detract from the fact that you were available to split it - or at least to check/offer.

On this board? Not a chance he would have been labelled a lazy man and a feckless parent.

the amount people are trying to defend her shows the double standards.

Yeah I think it's lazy and obnoxious of you not to check in at some point to help with bathroom breaks or feeding etc. Bet you would have been resentful if he'd done the same to you even though yes you are both capable of managing if needed. Just because you're technically capable of managing something doesn't mean you need to struggle if you have a partner there to do their share. You didn't do your share.

I don’t think so!

I’ve seen a post on here in the past where a woman didn’t want her husband to leave her and her newborn to go on a two week holiday alone and she got advised to ‘speak to your HV to signpost you to resources to help you cope’

Sorry op but I’m the mom and I would hate to have been stuck with my two children on my own (I do love them very much!) and if my partner was on that plane I would’ve absolutely expected him to come and switch with me halfway through. Meanwhile if it was the other way around my partner would manage fine and wouldn’t expect me to come and check on them, so maybe it’s not totally a man/woman thing but more of a personality thing. I would think it would be inconsiderate not to have checked in with a quick “do you want to switch” so I’m probably in agreement with your husband!

I wouldn’t go to the extreme of calling you lazy and obnoxious but I do agree with the fact that one of the benefits of having a capable and competent partner is that you’re able to share the load. So unless he was totally shit on the holiday and left you to deal with the children alone then it would’ve been fair to share the responsibility of the flight home

Sorry! I meant through Wifi (Whatsapp etc).