AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

It’s not about not trusting your partner, my husband is an exemplary father. It’s about realising how bloody awful flying is with toddlers and offering to share the load.

Id be pissed off if my husband sat back with a drink to read his book so I wouldn’t do it to him. But then our parenting is equal…

If it was the other way round and your DH left you with the kids for the whole flight people would be saying he was unreasonable. You should have swapped half way through the flight.

Yeah pretty selfish not to check on them or offer to swap! Doesn’t sound like good team work!!

The DH is a hero and should be treated as one.

Not a fucking chance would I have checked for 2.5 hours. It's a film and snacks.

If it was long haul id 100% have swapped half way.

Did you have sole care of the 2 kids on the flight out? (I know you were all seated close together on the way out but perhaps DH left it all to you? In that case it would be fair to leave it all to him on the way back.

If not, if childcare duty was shared on the way out then you should have shared it or at least checked in on the way back. DH and I take turns.

My husband and I have been in this situation. Usually the deal is I sit with the kids and he deals with the driving after. Or we agree ahead of time when to swap. I think you should have talked beforehand and also let it go now it’s done. 2 year olds are notoriously rough on flights so I think I’d be annoyed if my husband just totally forgot about us.

2.5hrs is only a short time if your children are behaving. I have a 2 and 4 year old and could easily find it tiring trying to keep them entertained and in their seats for that length of time.

Yeah, you should have checked. And offered to swap places half way through.

Unless he had a flight of child free time on the way there and this was your turn.

If it was 1 child or one of the DC was older I would understand not checking, but 2 young children? I don't blame your DH for being unhappy. I only have 1 child, and in this situation myself and DH would have swapped at some point so both of us got a bit of a break.

I would have offered to swap half way and maybe that is what he meant by "check in". But no biggie really- it was a very short flight.

*Tel12 · Today 11:42
Of course you should have checked in with him and swapped half way
On a 2.5 hr flight?
No way.
If they were flying London to Australia maybe but not for a local flight.

Those ages 100% would have swapped half way through. Or at least gone to see if they were ok.

If they were 7,8 etc would have checked at least but probably not offered to swap

I think if it was a wider pattern of behaviour that he's the default parent and you often opt out and leave it to him, he has a point.

But I suspect that isn't the case...

I would have checked in a couple of times at those ages. Given DH a chance to go to the bathroom. Of course single parents would manage but the DH isn’t single.

I would probably have wandered past to say hello at some point but not "checked on him"

Yes to have been fair you could have gone up and swapped over half way though flight

equally he is a parent and should be capable of entertaining /looking after 2 kids - like you would have done

if it was you with the kids , I’m sure you would have wanted dh to check on you/swap over

equally he could have come and found you either with the kids 😂 or left them on the seat for a few mins to walk to you .

it’s not like they are going to escape the plane

Sympathy at having to parent ones own children?

What message does that give to a child - that they are an inconvenience?

I wouldn’t have checked on him and would have enjoyed 2,5 hours of peace 😁

But then I’ve travelled alone many times, including with a 9 months old and 2yo. I can’t say it was any harder than parenting alone on the ground.

Id have expected dh to be able to do the same. He is a parent. They are his children. Unless there was a real issue, I can’t see why he couldn’t cope and needed checking on.

If roles had been reversed, woukd he have checked on you or assumed you could cope! Thatvwill tell you everything you need.

For info on WiFi equipped aircraft (and more and more airlines have those) messaging apps such as Whatsapp can be used in flight.

On a 2.5 hours flight? I haven’t seen that before @notimagain

On previous flights were you ever the one sat with your children while he sat apart? If so, did he come to check you were OK from time to time?

If he did YABU
If he didn't YANBU and should remind him!

Yep, nowadays it's even available on some shorthaul aircraft on some airlines (e.g. BA).

This

Take the kids to the toilet with me or hold it because....its two and a half hours ive coped without my ex husband for years we have had holidays day trips hospital appointments emergency A&E trips and we coped my dad used to be on emergency back up if I was stuck with one and needed to get the other he had to do it once (and he is dead now so cant help) people just cope as your husband did im not sure what everyone's issue is if it had been four five six hours maybe but two and a half? No point swapping