AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

😂

I’d have offered to swap half way, not because my OH ‘couldn’t cope’ (he could) but because it’s more than twice as difficult to entertain for the full time than it is to do half. Spreading the load makes it far more palatable. Is there a back story or some reason why it didn’t seem reasonable
to offer to split it?

You’re deliberately missing the point. 🙄

You are BOTH parents and therefore should have both parented.

You opted out and im glad on a forum where there’s a lot of harshness towards men who opt out of anything equaling 50/50 most people do think YABU.

And FWIW I’m anyone alone to a disabled child that I’ve flown with many a time. It’s not the being able to
manage. It’s that with 2 parents you opted out of parenting.

Haven't RTFT but have read the first few pages and all of OP's posts. The only thing I would say about this situation is that we would have agreed what we were doing before the flight. Most likely one of us would have said we'd sit with the kids and then that would have been it- no resentment or arguments because one parent expected something to happen even though they hadn't vocalised it. Equally we might've agreed to split the flight but we would've decided in advance.

There is always one sneering "poor man" smart arse comments on these type of posts.

It actually isnt about being a capable parent either a mother or father.

Its about being a considerate partner in a adult romantic relationship.

Personally I would expect my husband to swap half way as would he to give us both a chance to a small reset before we got home into the whirlwind that is returning for holidays with small kids.

But then neither of us are point scoring petty assholes so this situation wouldnt arise.

YANBU.

With small kids, we generally treated parenting on holiday as a joint endeavour that is more fun if shared but with some tag teaming for an hour or two at a time so we got down time too. With the idea not being about whether each of us can cope with our kids on our own, of course we can, but whether it's fair and nice to leave one parent to it while the other gets solo time.

If I'd been the parent left with the kids I'd have appreciated a check in - if only to acknowledge that parenting is a shared. But I'd have mainly been planning my own 2.5hrs of solo time, for when we were not stuck in an airplane.

And if it was my fault I was stuck with the kids on my own because I'd been lazy about the on line check in, I'd have sucked it up and treated myself better next time.

My DH is home more with the kids than I am. He is perfectly capable of looking after them by himself and has had plenty of opportunities as I often go away by myself, work away, long hospital stays.

That has fuck all to do with sharing the load on a flight, but then I dont just see him as someone to tolerate for his use with the kids and we actually care about genuinely being nice to each other.

Exactly this ^

So it could've been one parent on kid duty one way and the other on way back. That's fair

Here we have it!
OP sat with the kids on the way out!
This is a total non issue.

YABU

You were a bit selfish. He would also have been selfish if he had done the same.

I think it really depends on whether the OP does the bulk of parenting, mental load, and domestic shitwork, which is absolutely the norm.

In that situation, he owes her a break - something she won't really have had since they were born.

If it's evenly split, which I very much doubt, then they should have split the relax time as well.

Flying back from Japan to - I am assuming the UK - is not the same as a 2.5 hour flight.

this.

Basically, he doesn't think he should have to do what she does. Because he's a man.

To the PP who wouldn’t leave the kid alone on the row if the other needed the loo, wtf? What do you think would happen to them? Spontaneously combust? Be kidnapped? Also he could have popped down to see where you were if he couldn’t possibly cope for 2 hours.
Well done for doing what a lot of dads would have done done 👏🏼

In a 2.5 hour flight, that would be fairly ridiculous. I'm sure that virtually every mother on here manages to look after small children for several hours at a time without needing someone else to check in on them.

Did he check you were ok, needed the loo, offered to swap halfway through on the flight out there?

with children that age yes, you should have check with your husband AND with each child.

If you have already decided, why ask the question?

Would you say that if the dad had left the mum with no break during a 2 and a half hour flight?..

I’d loved to see the responses if the sexes were reversed and the mum was left with the kids while the dad chilled out elsewhere on the plane. No way is the OP real.

Yes you should have gone and seen them … would you not have wanted him to had you been sat there with them?

It they wasn’t separated … just across the aisle, so not really the same