AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

How did you agree that it would be him sitting with the kids? Did he volunteer or did it just ‘happen’ while you were boarding? When did you realise there was one seat far away from the others? Did you try and swap with another passenger or just swan off on your own, like ‘see ya DH!’
If it just kind of happened that he sat down then I would feel hard done by if I were him, and would have expected you to swap halfway through the flight. If you both agreed that it would be him to sit with them for whatever reason, then fair enough.

This thread is truly mind-blowing to me.

I still have no idea as to why a man looking after his kids on his own for 2.5 hour is such an issue or why the OP is expected to 'check on him' or swap seat with him halfway through to relieve him from his burden, poor lamb...

Or that the OP lacks 'kindness' and 'empathy' for not doing so.

Unbelievable.

Yehhhh I’d have defo wanted my hubby to check on me! I wouldn’t have been able to go to the loo/stretch legs etc. I’d probably have offered to swap half way through the flight.

You asked me how he managed to go for a piss. I told you. No need to throw your dummy out 😘

Maybe everyone is misreading it as a 12 and half hour flight ✈️

Madness.👀

Pre-agreed that he’d sit with them on the return as I did on the way out. He also agreed to book the return seats, which he did, but by the time he got round to it, there wasn’t an adjacent aisle one.

It goes some way to explaining why this site is awash of tales of useless husband’s
not pulling their weight, that’s for sure, given how little trust posters place in them.

I’m ‘throwing my dummy out’ because I asked you why you’d bothered asking if you were being unreasonable when you clearly don’t think you are?!

Like I said, you’re terribly edgy op and everyone is very impressed 🤣

Well I suppose some kids are more demanding but ours are both with sen (although not officially at that point). I guess in that case I'd have let the other one stay outside the toilet.

I'm not agreeing with the OP, the issue isn't that they didn't check, it's the fact they are dismissive of their partner's understandable feeling about the situation.
And maybe it goes further back than that, as there must be back story causing resentment on one or both sides.

You have missed the point.

Its not that they can't manage a couple of hours childcare on their own, but when there are two of you available, in this situation, its only decent to split that care rather than leave the other to do it on their own for the whole 2.5 hours. Or at least just bloody offer to do it. Its just a considerate thing to do that's all. 🙄

I thought it was standard to swap half way through the flight if one of you is sat with the children, so you both get half the time in peace.

2.5 hour flight, an hour 15 alone to read your book each

It’s not about anyone not managing; more what is reasonable in that situation.

Yet your husband is the unhappy one!
Most couples would check in case the other needed a loo break.
No I would not leave young children in the plane without adult supervision while I went to the loo.

We both travel fine on our own with them but neither of us would leave the other alone to parent while we had a lovely rest without even checking in. Because we give a hoot about each other

I have been the one stuck in this situation loads of times, as I'd go on a low cost airline before they had designated seats and end up with a three and a one seat and I'd sit between the two kids and my husband would fall asleep. I would expect him to come and ask me if I was ok, anyone needed to go to the loo and to help with bags getting off though, it's team parenting to do so if you are the one with the luxury of having no children!

We once got a two and a two, I got the chatterbox three year old who didn't stop talking the entire way, he got the older one who fell asleep.

Two and a half hours, plus taxiing plus getting off, so three hours is quite a reasonably long flight time for littlies- so whilst you technically didn't do anything wrong, you did hide with your drink and book and I think you know that.

Who did the heavy lifting with the 2 children on the flight out?
Who did the heavy lifting with the 2 children while actually on holiday?
If it wasn't balanced and fair, has the unfairness when it comes to dealing with the 2 children when you're both supposed to be on holiday been addressed?

Was this a last straw situation for you .. you were taking your 2 hours it's absolutely his turn ... or would he have checked in on you/swapped out had the situation been in reverse? Or is he talking absolute shite and it's yet more of him expecting you to do your share AND part of his share.

I’d have checked. Am sure most parents would cope but it’s no fun entertaining 2 kids that age bun yourself on a flight. I’d have swapped halfway.

I would have enjoyed my 2.5 hours, had a G&T and relaxed …. BUT honestly it would have been fair to give him a break for an hour 🤣

Another poster who asks AIBU with absolutely zero interest in hearing the answer.

Funnily enough we would have been that family to you when we went away earlier this year. However I'm much smaller than dh and I had the aisle seat. The children were able to lay down on the 2 other seats top and tail, one with a cushion against the window wall and the other using my lap as a pillow. It meant they were able to have a decent sleep during the flights, I was comfy and able to read and dh could watch a film, we also talked to eachother and napped.
He asked if I wanted to swap several times, but I found it a none issue. For some of the return flight younger dc decided he wanted to sit on his dads lap and I had 2 seats to have my legs up for a bit.

DH and I are long out of the toddler/ young dc stage. Ours are now older teens/ young adults. When our dc were little we both worked part time so that we could both be at home with the dc. Essentially, we tag teamed.

My DH was brilliant with the kids when they were little and is equally brilliant now. Right at this moment, I am chilling out on MN while DH is helping DS with his revision. I will soon by helping our other dc who is cooking the meal tonight.

The reason for all this detail is to give context to what I am about to type…marriages fail when resentment builds. Marriages work when both adults pull their weight. It might just be that you and your DH have different ideas of what that looks like.

Neither of you sound particularly supportive of each other. All this “Do I need to hold his Willy while he has a piss” nonsense! Do you actually like each other @Dhflightsulk?

Why? Is the kids dad unable to look after his own kids? If so he needed the practice

It really isn't a question of expecting DH to parent for 2.5 hours alone.

We have 4 who are adults now, but neither of us (out of common courtesy) would have done that to the other partner. So your 'raise the bar' argument is moot. My bar is high, but I extend that to both of us. What I wouldn't tolerate from DH, I wouldn't do to him either. It works for us.

Actually that does make him a bit of a cunt. Not his kids, not his responsibility, fine - but if your friend (you) is having a shit time you try and ameliorate things a bit. You don't swan off, even if you can.

We just do. It's not an issue.