AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

I think the reasonableness or unreasonableness slightly depends on who does most of the parenting most of the time.

If it’s usually you, then I think completely reasonable to expect him to cope and give you a bit of a rest during the flight - if it’s a rare chance at some peace. If he’s a SAHD and / or does most of the parenting usually, then not really reasonable and you should have popped back to help or swapped half way (or let him have the solo seat from the start).

But I bet I know which it is, esp after your book comment.

A plane is quite a good place for the parent who does most of the work to get some peace like this as the kids can’t just go and gravitate to that parent.

If the parent who usually does less buggers off to a solo seat I’d have much less time for that.

What I wanted to say more succinctly!

How much parenting does he usually do on a normal day to day basis? I would be annoyed tbh. Kids are hard work at times but we get on with it as parents. Surely like you say he was capable of sitting with his children for a short flight. No I don’t think he needed checking in on. Would he be checking in on you?

It’s not about ‘coping’, it’s about empathy, kindness and fairness. You should have checked in.

A lot of people are saying he would have to stay with the kids all the time but what's going to happen to the kids on the plane, they aren't exactly going to run in the road or get taken away by strangers? When I was with my 8 month and 3.5 year old on the plane I wasn't going to drag them both into the ridiculously small toilet for any reason, the one not needed stayed in their seat.

Well some people climb mount Everest, I've no idea how they cope and I've no interest or enjoyment of doing so.

This is the third thread that’s talked about this topic for slightly different reasons that I’ve read in the last 3 days. They all sound very similar and I’m doubting them all now. It sounds like someone has come up with what they think is an interesting topic for attention.

if roles were switched I’d be fuming

I genuinely feel sorry for some of you on here, that you don’t feel your ‘D’H’s can manage a couple of hours childcare.

Raise your standards for goodness sake.

You left an 8 month old on their own in their seat?!

And what if your very young child won’t sit by themselves while you take the other child to the loo? Or you need to go to the loo yourself?If only there was another parent in this situation who could take over for a few minutes…

My DH can cope, he’s an incredible father. I just wouldn’t leave him for 2.5 hours without so much as being able to go for a piss… We’re a team and I’m not utterly selfish.

I fly two or three times a year. It’s just me and my daughter so she’s usually at the window with me in the middle seat so the aisle seat next to me is free. More often than not a family are across the row from me with one parent seated with 2 children and the other parent sat next to me. In the last 12 years it has NEVER been the mum that takes the single seat, it’s always the dad. And they are usually playing on their phones with headphones in.

I love it op. A bit of time and peace for you while he the poor man had to parent solo for a whole 2.5hours.

My heart bleeds for him.

Would you have been happy had you sat with the DC and your DH had not checked up on how you were doing, offered to swap seats half-way through the flight?

1. He could have got up whenever he wanted if he needed me.
2. He managed to go to the loo without me holding his willy for him.

I can’t imagine not going down to say hello at any point on a flight, it does seem pretty weird to me

Of course my husband can and does parent our children. But flights are a specific version of carnage sometimes and it’s just kind to swing by at some point to make sure there hasn’t been a disaster of some sort. I know at that age there was regularly an outfit change or something super annoying to deal with solo. And yes of course either of us would manage it on our own when needed, but we are lucky enough to have a two parent household so we help each other too.

Who sat with the kids on the way out?

I think I’d have been offended that he felt I would have needed any help given it was such a short flight.

Me, with DH across and he wasn’t needed for anything.

Note that, nothing of note happened on the return flight either, they were just ‘a bit annoying’ chatting away, as kids do.

Oh my God I'd have taken a child and dropped it on my husband's knee after about an hour if he did that yabu

Nearly spat my drink out.

He managed to go to the loo without me holding his willy for him.

so true though.

we had one seat upgraded to business and I did not check on my ex and kids for the 8hr flight. He was perfectly capable and had been working away for 2yrs at that point, so yeah, I deserved my 8hrs in luxury. He is being ridiculous.

I sat next to a woman with a 3 year old on a flight a couple of years ago. She got up and left him saying mummy will be back soon. He started to cry and then got up and wandered off. Mum came back to her seat to find child was gone and started shouting at me about why I hadn’t watched him. 🤯 She had already been rude to me when I had asked to get past her so no way was I getting involved, especially when I hadn’t been asked. The child was found, obviously, with another passenger but it took a while as they hadn’t alerted staff.

Another one who comes on AIBU to ask if they’re being unreasonable when they don’t think they are.

Did you just hope for lots of pats on the back for sticking it to the patriarchy?

You’re very edgy.

Some of us have relationships where we consider each other.

If you barely had time to read because he left you to carry the load whilst on holiday, then good on you. However, if he was doing 50% during the holiday then YABU, most couples would swap.
BTW I’m a single Mum of two and you cope on flights because you have to, as a couple you don’t!