AIBU to think excluding spouses from rehearsal dinners is unusual?

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I think I am losing a bit of grip.

People can of course do whatever they want at events that are theirs and that they are paying for.

Last year my SiL only invited her parents, siblings, a couple of cousins and a couple of friends to her wedding. I was not invited but neither was Brother-in-law. I swung between anger and sobbing.

DH admitted it was unconventional but it was up to them.

Now, we are invited to a wedding in a few weeks, DH was going to be an usher but the best man has had to drop out and DH is now best man.

They have had a meal with the wedding party last week I wouldn’t have expected to be invited to this, but they are having a Rehearsal Dinner which I have only heard of through American Sitcoms. I am not invited to this.

So I will check into a hotel with my husband but won’t be able to eat with him. This isn’t normal protocol is it?

I feel people are just losing any sense of decency or is it me? Am I out of touch?

Why do you even care? Just have room service or better just stay at home. Are you glued together?

It’s not very friendly is it, and you’re family, anticipating a relationship with them for life.! I think you’re right to be offended. I can imagine if money was very tight they might say to your husband “we’re having a rehearsal, can you all pay for your own meal” but to exclude you is thoughtless to the point of being rude. What does your husband think?

I am more than capable of eating alone but it’s the poor etiquette for want of a better word that upsets me and actually it’s making me feel unsettled about the values I have.

Am I correct that you are invited to the wedding, but just not the rehearsal meal?

Is it a tasting thing to test the menu options or a practice of eating the meal?
IF I'd had such a rehearsal, then I too wouldn't be paying for partners meals- especially when you aren't part of the wedding party.

I think I wouldn’t go at all. It’s just rude.

It’s a meal the night before the wedding for the wedding party and I am assuming the B&G’s families. Think of Chandler and Monica in Friends only in Yorkshire.

I never watched friends so your analogy is lost on me! Google seems to have mixed opinions- some saying it a pre-wedding type party with close family and others saying its for the bridal party to practice their roles.

Has he clarified that they are actually feeding him and not going through the motions of where to stand, timings, what to do etc?

I swung between anger and sobbing

Is this an exaggeration for comedic effect?

A rehearsal dinner isn't a tasting. That's something the bride and groom do well in advance of the wedding as part of the planning. The "rehearsal dinner" is a ludicrous American import just dinner the night before the wedding. I think its very inhospitable not to invite partners to this sort of event.

This, are you somewhere horrendously rural where you can’t get any food and the restaurant they’re eating at can only serve one table?
are you quite dramatic (it’s all about meeeee!) generally?

I'm in the US. It's perfectly commonplace for only the wedding party to attend the rehearsal dinner. Not a snub at all. But to be honest, if your reaction to not being invited to a wedding is either "anger (or) sobbing" you might want to calm down a bit.

Uurrghhh this is why I hate entitled wedding people and weddings in general

The values that you want another free meal?

You are angry and sobbing because someone who doesn’t know you very well is only hosting you at the wedding and not taking you for a meal the night before?

I'm attending a rehearsal dinner, its not the night before but 2 days before, its following the rehearsal at the church. The only people attending are those who are needed for the church rehearsal, its a thanks to those who are helping the bride and groom on the day and partners are not included.

sorry, but anger and sobbing over not being invited to what was clearly a tiny wedding is ridiculous.
it's a dinner for rehearsal, which I agree isn't a concept I understand, but why do you need to be invited when you're not in the wedding party? why can't you go out for dinner by yourself? see if any of the bridesmaids other halves are at a loose end?
you're invited to the wedding, surely go en your response to SIL, that's what matters.

I think it is pretty fucking rude to be the reason why a couple are at a hotel... and then only take one of that couple to dinner!

If you can't afford to do a rehearsal dinner with the wedding party AND their partners, don't bloody do one at all!

sorry but if someone's decision about how to keep their wedding coats low os causing you to question your values and leaves you feeling so unsettled, I kindly suggest you need some proper support from a professional

Of course it's perfectly normal... why would you be at a rehearsal dinner? You aren't in the wedding party.

Your response to both events is extreme... are you always so emotional in everyday life?

I really would not give a fuck about this but I also don’t think that spouses and partners automatically have to be invited which is an unpopular opinion on here. I’d be delighted not to have to go to a wedding personally!

I was horrendously offended and upset that my husband’s sister didn’t invite me to her wedding.

As for this wedding I think it’s really poor etiquette not to include partners at the Rehearsal Dinner.

I am able to eat alone and can afford to do so but I still think it’s bad manners.

If a couple have to travel to the wedding then it is rather rude to invite only one to a dinner, knowing the other will have to dine alone and spend the evening alone. It is not the end of the world to do so but rude to put someone in that position. If they don’t have to travel
so are just staying at home then no reason to invite the partner.

They are losing the plot having a pointless rehearsal dinner. I’d be glad not to be invited.

I can see why people tend not to invite you places...

Very dramatic

Whatever about the rehearsal dinner sitch (are these now a thing in the UK?) the first scenario is odd to me. Your SiL (presumably your husband's sister) not inviting you or her sister's husband to her wedding is strange behaviour imo.

She didn’t invite her own brother though so why would she invite you? From what you’ve said she had a very small guest list so presumably it wasn’t a personal snub but if you’re as dramatic IRL as you’re being here I can understand if it was personal tbh.