School not taking note of creepy behaviour

[Savethegirls]

Posting here for traffic and name changed for this question.

At my child’s secondary school, one of boys (15yrs)leaked his friend’s ipad contents. Screenshots of ipad had folders for several girls as young as 12. Its had pictures and text about how his interaction with these girls.

School suspended the boy who found it and circulated the screenshots, saying privacy violations. And all kids had to delete every evidence gathered. Parent of the creepy boy keep telling everyone its his habit to write notes and some of it was just “fantasy “.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

the creepy boy is in Drama tech crew and probably has a stash of pics from last few yrs.

the girls have seen the evidence and not ready to trust the school.

YABU - overthinking this
YANBU- call the Headmaster over this

parents and kids are feeling there might be repercussions at school if they complain. Any advice on how to handle this?

Are you saying that an adult stalker has to be following a woman every single minute of her day for his behaviour to be considered creepy harassing and distressing?

They are in school. A small, confined environment. That is pretty much the world they inhabit day in day out, and it is a world they cannot avoid. All he needs to know is their timetable, and he has a record of all their movements during their school day. For all intents and purposes, he is stalking them. If it had been kept private, then nobody would be any the wiser, the girls wouldn't know and they wouldn't feel distress. That they do know is not in any way their fault. It was not the girls who revealed his activities, it was another boy. So that boy is culpable, the boy who kept files on them is culpable, not the girls who now feel exposed by his being outed.

If you keep a diary and talk shit about other people, you make damned sure it stays private. If it doesn't stay private, it is not the fault of the subject of your shit talk that they are upset by it and don't want to know you.

Because this amounts to bullying and the school is allowed to point this out when the source of the exclusion happened at school?
By the sound of it, this boy believed that he was keeping a private diary and included in it photos of girls who meant something to him, photos which freely circulating anyway. Adolescents have strong feelings. It's the kind of intimate thing that nobody else should see let alone circulate. He doesn't deserve to be an outcast and described as 'the creepy boy'.

Op answers none of the questions. She’s seen nothing. Shes not been able to tell anyone what these so called ‘folders’ contain. The school has said the boy did nothing wrong. Her child has been identified by the school as being a bully.

I hate sleazy men more than most people (a history) but there is no suggestion beyond this op’s child that there there is a sleazy man/ boy here. To reiterate. Unless the whole school SLT are conspiring to hide something what her daughter says isn’t true

He doesn’t have the right to these girls’ attention, time and friendship though.

Has any of this being reported to the police? If not, then why?
Why are a group of teachers and parents left trying to determine without a legal and or psychological assessment etc that can come with reporting to those who are trained to safe guard children?

True, but he has the right to be included in activities and spoken to in a respectful way.

It is not bullying to set boundaries with a stalker.

This, 100%.

I think there is a big difference between saying offensive things that people have to learn to live with and tracking someone’s movements along with files of photographs that have been labelled. Since you seem interested in how these children are going to mature - imagine a woman saying something offensive to a man, and a man collecting pictures and documenting the activity of a woman. The poster you are responding to is trying to point out that a boy feeling offended is not at all the same as a girl feeling unsafe.

Not your daughter or any of the other girls should be forced to interact with anyone they feel uncomfortable with and definitely shouldn't be punished.. is the deputy a male?

You need to speak to the school and ask what steps they are taking to ensure this boy doesn't do this again as this is indeed stalkerish behaviour and children should be protected from that.

Because he has photographs in his posession, he is the data controller for purposes of GDPR. If he is the data controller under this law he needs to state upon request what he intends to keep these images for and how long he will keep them. (Data controller can be under 18) As its data (images) each individual that suspects photos have been taken can request that they have copies of those images and if they have been shared. if they have been shared (which they have as how else would the boy who was suspended know they exist) that's a breach of Data Protection Act which is a crime and police should be involved.
The girls and their parents can request their deletion. The Children's Code (officially the Age Appropriate Design Code) is a legally binding UK code of practice for online services. Enforced by the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) under the Data Protection Act 2018, it requires digital platforms to prioritize children's privacy and data protection by default. This applies regardless of the age of the data controller.

The school should not be allowing him to take pictures as under Data Protection it is advisable to get parental permission before taking any photos and pictures of minors and anything uploaded onto a school website will fall under the code I've quoted above. The school should know all this but seem to be ignoring it.
Speak to the Social Services Safeguarding lead at your local council or contact the school safeguarding lead. Contact NSPCC for independant advise.

I suggest you talk to other parents. Not to form a witch hunt for this boy but to get your facts straight before approaching the school. (You may be better off speaking to the Education dept in your council or requesting their presence at a meeting).
Don't shy away from the fact that this boy with his parents and school's consent has victimised the girls by placing them under surveillance and writing who knows what about them. They may well be scared of what this boy has done as his motives are not at all clear. If that's the case, or there's potential for that to have happened as everyone handles this type of incident differently, why aren't the school using a trauma informed approach and are actually revictimising the girls by asking them to be nice to him?
Sounds like a typical comp response, stick to your guns and insist on knowing all of the above. If the school aren't helpful or brush it off, tell them your options are police for breach of DP, Information Commissioners Office, and reporting the school's safeguarding in this instance to the Regional Safeguarding Board which is a statutory body and will investigate. You may also wish to file a complaint with your local council which will eventually be referred to the local government ombudsman who can take action if the council can't resolve matters. This young man needs help which it doesn't sound like he's getting from school or parents.

My phone mysr be creepy then it because it xan group photos by person in them and say when and where each eas taken.

YANBU it’s weird, creepy and stalking like behaviour. This kid obviously has no idea about normal boundaries. He showed poor judgement so the school should recognise that by withdrawing camera privileges.

id push for that, as a group, then go to the governors about it. Also any time my child was spoken to about it I’d call the teacher and say ‘actions have consequences, it is not her job to be his friend, so stop bringing this up’.

Does it also makes notes, comments and fantasies about these people?

Like the notes, comments and fantasies PP have described writing down when they were teenagers?

It’s not the same thing and you know it. Neither are posters. Crushes on older boys or whatever minimising bs you want to use.

It is the same thing. Someone talked about girls collecting the used chewing gum of their crushes. How is this perverse, revolting behaviour any better than this boy taking a few notes?

Why are you so determined to not only minimise the boy’s actions but also demonise OP and her daughter? What do you have to gain from it?

I’m not the only one doing so. Many PP have made exactly the same points.

Yes. Depressing, but not surprising. It’s not the flex you think it is.

There is no evidence this boy has done anything wrong. The school has investigated and established he is being bullied. Why can’t you accept that could very well be the truth? Because he’s male?

You made up the bullying narrative.

No, not just because he’s male, thought that does increase (statistically) the likelihood of it not being as innocent as you’re desperately trying to make it sound.

It’s because his parents are demanding that the girls talk to him. It’s because his parents are objecting to girls leaving an extra curricular activity. It’s because the school are pressuring the girls to talk to him, it’s because the school are getting involved with extra curricular activities, it’s because they’re calling it “rumours” despite physical evidence, it’s because they’re asking girls to not believe their own eyes, it’s because he still has access to camera equipment and photo files, it’s because , as I said before, as school staff, parent and a previous child , I know very well how quick schools are to cover up, dismiss and minimise shit like this and even worse.

Even you don’t say that it didn’t happen, just that it wasn’t that bad. Neither you or the school get to decide that, how the girls should feel about it or that they should have to talk to a boy(or anyone) they do not want to.

“deputy pulling up my child saying he has reported you being mean to him and you can’t ostracised him”

This is bullying behaviour.

Considering two of the examples of being mean and ostracising him are girls not talking to him and leaving an outside of school activity, even calling it mean is a stretch never mind bullying.

So far , it’s the girls missing out (the activity they quit), being threatened, being told to be nice, being told to talk to him, having their parents harassed , not feeling safe , being uncomfortable etc. despite not actually doing anything wrong in the first place, except existing.

His consequence? The subjects of his fantasies (some of them girls 2/3 years younger) won’t talk to him.

In your place I would report to police