School not taking note of creepy behaviour

[Savethegirls]

Posting here for traffic and name changed for this question.

At my child’s secondary school, one of boys (15yrs)leaked his friend’s ipad contents. Screenshots of ipad had folders for several girls as young as 12. Its had pictures and text about how his interaction with these girls.

School suspended the boy who found it and circulated the screenshots, saying privacy violations. And all kids had to delete every evidence gathered. Parent of the creepy boy keep telling everyone its his habit to write notes and some of it was just “fantasy “.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

the creepy boy is in Drama tech crew and probably has a stash of pics from last few yrs.

the girls have seen the evidence and not ready to trust the school.

YABU - overthinking this
YANBU- call the Headmaster over this

parents and kids are feeling there might be repercussions at school if they complain. Any advice on how to handle this?

My ex colleague did this back in the 00's....

It's a safeguarding issue. Inappropriate behaviour from boys, towards girls needs to be dealt with swiftly and appropriately. Are you not aware of the epidemic of violent behaviour against women and girls?

Violence against women and girls is increasing, with online harms and abuse affecting girls at a higher rate than boys

Can we clarify:

Exactly what are the photos of? Screenshots from website? Photos he took with consent? Photos without consent?

And what are the notes he said about the girls? You have said they were deemed creepy but not what they were.

The fact that the school took the sharing of the screenshots so seriously indicates they wouldn't take a lighthearted stance or brush unacceptable behaviour under the rug. So there must be some context to the situation.

The girls should absolutely not be made to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Even if none of the above had happened they don't have to justify not wanting to be friends with someone. But thet do have to follow school expectations regarding respecting others.

deputy pulling up my child saying he has reported you being mean to him and you can’t ostracised him.

Also there’s not actually any evidence. Op has flip flopped between pretending she’s seen it, saying the girls have seen it and saying it’s all been deleted under the thread of suspension.

op has no idea as she’s not seen any of it. That’s why she’s repeatedly not answered these questions.

her daughter though - the one the headteacher has picked up for bullying - is definitely the victim here

You know what I find really interesting? When DD was being bullied, I did intervene. However I did not demand that those involved had to be nice or even talk to my child. I didn’t demand to be her friends. Quite the opposite.Neither did the school. I asked that they pretend DD doesn’t exist.

Yet this child’s parents and the school are insisting that’s what these girls must . Under threat.You seriously can’t see how fucked up that is? And yet they’re the bullies?

Nobody who is being watched and having their every move recorded (along with photographs) is required to be friendly towards their watcher. This thread is like a stalker cheerleading squad.

No she didn’t. She said some of the kids have seen it . She said some of the kids shared what they’ve seen with their parents. That’s what happens in a school. Then everything got deleted because the school (rightly or wrongly) came down hard on it.

That's completely different from a structural inequality which will affect every aspect of their lives.

The meaning/impact of what individuals do is completely contingent on the system in which the actions take place.

That's why, for example, a group of pissed women going to a male strip show is ethically completely different from a group of pissed men going to a strip club.

Strip clubs for women don't exist, because women commodifying men's bodies isn't systemic.

@thestudio Strip clubs for women don't exist, because women commodifying men's bodies isn't systemic.

That's because women have different sexual preferences than men. I'm not sure what your point is though, as it seems a bit off-topic.

Having their every move recorded? How dramatic!

The OP said this - I saw screenshots of the folder view and each folder labelled with girls name

Maybe if you read OPs posts with the same enthusiasm that you have put into telling her none of this happened then you wouldn't be embarrassing yourself.

Several of your posts have been deleted for direct attacks on the OP. It's disgusting behaviour.

It's not off-topic. Your point about what girls did to you was irrelevant, because those things were not done within a world in which you faced constant threats, both big and small, from women, and in which the possibilities of your life were not circumscribed by that fact.

It's actually quite easy to understand.

Some kids ARE creepy though. I had a student a few years ago who used to sit in my lessons and whisper to other students what he was going to do to me. Slit my throat, stab me, hit me with a cricket bat.

Typically, I reported it to SLT and they did nothing. Ever.

Yes, and then the boy's parents called the girls' parents to tell them the files were all completely harmless, and the girls must carry on being friends with him, or he'd be sad.

Why PPs keep saying the files (and screenshots) don't exist is a mystery.

And whether its all harmless or not, nobody should be punished for not wanting to be friends with someone.

They are children and this is the tiny world they have to inhabit, just like the boy in question inhabits it and is feeling exposed by his behaviour being outed to his peers. It's their world, so yes, it is dramatic for the girls involved. To know that within the school environment - an environment they cannot avoid being in - they were being watched, recorded, commented upon and photographed and/or their photographs on school media collated by this boy. Which may not be illegal in itself, but this doesn't stop the girls, now they know about it, being self conscious about it and creeped out by it, never mind potentially feeling harassed and embarrassed knowing everybody knows they were/are under scrutiny. Why are you happy to mimimise the girls' feelings?

He’s a stalker in training.

“It's their world, so yes, it is dramatic for the girls involved. To know that within the school environment - an environment they cannot avoid being in - they were being watched, recorded, commented upon and photographed and/or their photographs on school media collated by this boy. Which may not be illegal in itself, but this doesn't stop the girls, now they know about it, being self conscious about it and creeped out by it, never mind potentially feeling harassed and embarrassed knowing everybody knows they were/are under scrutiny. Why are you happy to mimimise the girls' feelings?”

This with bells on.

@Savethegirls - i completely agree that the instruction to the girls that they should just suck this up and continue to include this lad is so wrong i have no words for it. The mesages that sends are so wrong and i find it really depressing that in 2026 girls are being told that they have to put the feelings of some lad who’s crossed boundaries ahead of their own; that they need to be nice and prioritise him. So wrong.

• The Child is in tech crew and has pro camera which is allowed to carry around at school events. Also has access to school media folders
• school hasn’t withdrawn this and he is still clicking pictures for school. How do you think this makes the girls feel?

If it is a school camera and laptop etc then I assume these are checked regularly.

I would not be happy but he’s done nothing illegal and the issue has been dealt with.

The school are simply asking that the students stop the witch hunt because it’s been dealt with.

If you don’t think it’s been dealt with enough, then speak to the head and say exactly what you want to happen.
If it’s reasonable then the head may comply.

If you’re asking for him to move schools etc that isn’t going to happen and so you need to think carefully about what exactly it is you want as a punishment/to stop it happening again.

I would be extremely surprised that he can keep his ‘job’ if the school was concerned about his behaviour.
They would get into more trouble than he would if this escalated.

I don't understand what you are saying. My point was clear in that understanding that other people are offensive and will say/write things you don't like, and accepting that there's nothing you can do to change that, is an aspect of maturity for all people.

He is also a child. Unless he is literally following them around every minute of the school day, how can he possibly be recording their every movement? Don’t be so ridiculous. Why are you happy to paint a boy who had had his personal files shared without his consent, stuff that sounds very similar to the diaries described by numerous PP, as some sort of demented stalker?

And I'm saying that the damage caused by people being offensive completely depends on whether they have power or not.

For example, someone making a racist comment in a broadly non-racist society is a weird and offensive one-off.

Someone making a racist comment in apartheid south africa is enforcing the systemic racism of the country.

Jeez.

ugh, he sounds a total creep. it's like everyone in this thread has forgotten what teenage boys are like, or something. i'd have been extremely freaked out if i found out some boy was keeping a file on me with pictures when i was 15. i'd be telling my daughter to stay far far away from him from now on until forever.

That never happens though. All school thoroughly investigate everything and deal with things appropriately and if you claim otherwise, it never happened. According to some posters , at least.

It is dramatic! Imagine you worked with someone that has access to a camera as part of their job and you find out there are folders labelled on his computer SnappyUmberLion and he has pics on it from your social media and various shots of you at work. Plus comments of your interactions and “fantasies”. That you were unaware of. Even if the pics were all from official events you now know that you’re on his radar and he has the ability to take pics of you whenever he wants. You wouldn’t be bothered at all? Not even a little bit?